I am a married woman and my husband and I are going through a very rough patch and at a really low point I cheated with my husbands cousin. I regret ever taking that relationship that far. We were intamate once again and he continues to contact me. If my husband answers he pretends that he is contacting him and not me which is okay but I want him to not contact me any longer. He (the cousin) says he calls because he misses me and wants to spend time with me and because my husband and I are still going through the rough patch and he contacts me wanting to go out (non sexual) and I fall for it. The more I see him the more I think about him and want to be in his presence. I know I am wrong but I can't help it. Problem is everytime my husband and I are being the loving couple that we once were I feel SOOOOO guilty. Should I tell my husband or keep my mouth closed?
2007-02-23 05:34:02 · 35 answers · asked by Friday 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow you are pretty much in the same position I am except I cheated with one of my uncles friends.
My husband and I have been through hell, I told him when I cheated but not with who back in Oct.
Last night and this morning we had a big talk and he knows more to how it lead up to where it got too. He takes blame for his part and I take blame for mine, it's a difficult situation especially when it ends up like this.
I feel your pain and you must decide what is right for you, as for myself.
I'm sorting my garbage out like junk mail, this goes in that pile and that goes in that and the bills get paid first.
Basically, try to twist your head back on straight, you know what's inside of you.
You can do it...
This is a cry for love, I hope you know that, and this cousin does not love you, just like the man that I was with...It has absolutely NOTHING to do with love, it's a sick twisted game....
2007-02-23 05:43:56 · answer #1 · answered by ShiftyShadyBitch 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW!! Personally I am so against cheating no matter how much of a rough patch you are going through, you took a vow for better or for worse....but anyhow what is done is done, can't take back the past.
I think you already know what to do. If you truly feel as guilty as you say; it will eat at you until you tell him. You screwed up and not with a stranger but with FAMILY. The ball is in your court. If I were in your shoes I would tell him.
See you also have to think about the cousin....if you tell the cousin that it is over and it isn't what he wants to hear, is he going to retaliate and tell your husband? So I would tell him first before the cousin beats you to the punch (so to speak)
Naturally your hubby he isn't going to be happy, but would you be if the tables were turned? You betrayed him. Now you need to be an adult about your mistake.
To those that say take it to the grave, what he don't know won't hurt him...that is the cowardly way out.
If your marriage goes to shambles after you tell him or he finds out from his cousin, well then you just taught yourself a lesson. Cheating isn't the answer.
2007-02-23 05:47:58 · answer #2 · answered by M M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know.....I'm not the type of person to condemn another for an extra-marital affair. It happens for various reasons and although there are many people here who would as soon stone you to death for this than try to understand the reasoning behind it (like..after all..we're all human) you have done a very, very stupid and dangerous thing. Worse...it cannot be undone. His cousin? God almighty what were you thinking?
You call the cousin...you tell him to stay the hell away.....period. If he persists..well...I don't know what to tell you.
Now...what will telling your husnabd do? other than beat the cousin to the punch if he doesn't say something first. But he won't. He still wants to get laid from you and you have to drive home the point there is no hope no way, no how. Telling your husband will surely end your relationship. Especially because the affair was with a family member. madam....you were very, very stupid in doing this. You know will have to live with this sword constantly hanging over your head and wondering "Should I or shouldn't I say something?" There is no easy answer...nor easy solution for this.
In any event....sorry...but you're going to lose either way. This is a no-win situation that cannot be repaired. Or at least repaired with any ease.
2007-02-23 05:45:56 · answer #3 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here is what you should do.
Tell your husband what happened and if he decides to leave you, well thats the breaks.
See you need to view it this way and while it may seem harsh its how I personally feel.
When you get married you pledge to be with one person for the rest of your life. You know going in that sometimes there will be ups and downs but that you have forever pledged that you will be there and will try and work any problems that may come along out.
When you cheated on him (doesn't matter how low a point you were at) you gave up the ability to choose whether you want to be in this relationship or not. Your husband, assuming he has been totally faithful, now should have the decision on whether or not he wants to stay with someone who would cheat on him, lie to him, etc.
No offense but both of you are probably better off leaving. He can find someone who is faithful and won't cheat, and you can have your fun. I mean especially with a family member, you should be ashamed.
2007-02-23 05:45:45 · answer #4 · answered by CJ B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not going to judge on what you did.
You have two options.
1. Leave your husband - Tell your husband about what you feel about him and ask for a divorce. Before mentioning his cousins name find out if his cousin is brave enough to hold your hand and marry you when things end between you and your husband.
2. Live with your husband. If you still love your husband and want to stay married with him, then don't tell him anything about what happened and end your affair with the cousin. Its never too late to correct your fault.
There is a 3rd option but its the worst of all, that is to continue what you are doing. This way you are spoiling all 3 lives. Yourself by suffering and feeling guilty all the time. Your husband will find out about this sooner or later. His cousin will get his butt kicked when your husband finds out.
The decision is your... Best wishes and Good luck!
2007-02-23 05:47:42 · answer #5 · answered by JT 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You might as well go ahead and tell him. He is just going to find out in the end. Is the cousin married also? If he is not then he has nothing to lose by telling your husband if you quit seeing him. It is kind of like emotional blackmail. Your husband will eventually find out in the end and it would be much better for you to come clean and see if he can forgive you than for him to find out some other way. You need to tell him and pleed your case about how sorry you are and you can't live with this lie anymore. Good luck!
2007-02-23 05:47:21 · answer #6 · answered by angie a 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should feel guilty, and you should tell your husband. This a relative of his. Chances are extremely high that at some point the truth will come out. I hope you’re happy with yourself, because you have now destroyed your husband’s relationship with his cousin and maybe many others in the family. Out of all the men in the world that you could have had an affair with, you couldn't mange to choose one outside your husband's family? Apparently not.
2007-02-23 05:45:27 · answer #7 · answered by kp 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest that was wrong, I dont think you should tell him because what he dont know wont hurt him. But if you are going to continue seeing the cousin your emotions for him will become stronger and you may start to distance yourself from your husband. Then your husband may start wondering about things. If you know that his cousin is not going to say anything then keep quiet and leave the cousin alone.
2007-02-23 05:43:17 · answer #8 · answered by mrscarter1977 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if u expect to mend your marriage u will have to stop seeing the other guy. if u tell your hubby your marriage will probably be over with, and he will never see u in the same way, as the trust will be gone. but what about the cousin will he Be willing to stop seeing u, and can he be trusted to take what he knows to the grave? if not u are in a bit of trouble. u better make it clear to the other man that u intend to make the marriage work, hope he is understanding and honors it without stabbing u in the back over it. it is never good to go outside the marriage to solve the problems just makes it harder.
2007-02-23 05:44:06 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep your mouth closed. If hubby doesn't work out at least you have someone else. Problem is usually if you don't break it off with the cousin then he will eventually find out. When he does, you are gonna have one heck of a hard time. If you tell him now, divorce is probably coming next. So, that is why I say keep your mouth shut or divorce your husband!!
2007-02-23 05:47:16 · answer #10 · answered by pruittwithkids 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋