At what age do kids become defiant of their parents and ...?

Question

start doing whatever the hell they want to despite impending punishment?

I know in their teens...but I'm not sure...early teens like 13-14 or is it later. When do they stop being scared to be bad?

Answer 1

gosh, i have a 20yr old thats still in the terrible twos....never left that stage. my teens, ...well the 16 year old, hes kinda rebellious...put when i put my foot down ....he knows to back off.....my younger ...13 girl, likes to push to the limit, i throw a big fit.....it chills for a few days to a week...i don't know, it really depends on the child....and their friends....thats where a lot of my problems come in so-and-so did this......they get to go.....all the sayings that my mom told me it's no use....they don't listen....all they want to hear is "sure, you can do what ever you want"..STICK TO YOUR GUNS!!!!

Answer 2

It's a matter of parenting style.
Age in and of itself may play a role, albeit small.
Some children are defiant and talk back without fear of reprisal as early as pre-school. For the most part however, at least for boys, Anywhere between 12 and 17 is a good time for it to start.
How do I know?
My kids range in age from 15 to 4. And believe it or not, the 4 year old is the most defiant, at least to my wife.
She and I have very different styles of discipline, and the two youngest kids especially, aged 6 and 4, don't care what she says. The eldest two, 15 and 14, are that way to me at times.

Anyway, I don't think you can narrow it down to just one age group per se. There are many factors that can make it happen early, late, or in some cases, not at all.

Answer 3

Actually, defiance starts much earlier than in the teens. A child will start to test their limits and boundaries as early as 1 1/2 years old. That is when they become self-aware, so to speak. This is why most parents go through the "terrible two's". It is in human nature to continually push the boundaries of our limitations. We want to be better than those around us, go farther, be stronger, live longer. It's who we are as a creature. Fight or flight is our strongest instinct. The reason that most people think that it starts up in the teenage years is that the child usually doesn't get the freedom to explore themselves unsupervised until that age. For each child it is different, and for each parenting style, it is different.

Children need limitations and boundaries that are immobile, meaning that the rules are rigid and do not waver and change on the whim of the parent, but they also need sufficeint room to explore themselves within those boundaries. This is a hard balance to draw for most parents because they want to give their kids everything they can and want to do everything for them as long as they can, but it is a necessary balance to maintian. This allows the child and the parent to build a certain amount of rapport and trust for one another. This allows the parent to set up guidelines for the child that can be moved outward slowly, as the child shows responsibility. Positive reinforcement at an early age is also important.

The parent also has to remember that the child is not them. most parents want to build a little clone of themselves, and are rediculous in the manner they treat their child and the expectations they have of the child. The truth is, the child will grow into their own person, and will experience failure. A life without it has never been lived. They will experience pain and loss. They will like and enjoy some of the same things the parent does, but they will also like and enjoy their own things as well. That is not rebellion, it is simply becoming their own person.

I have 5 children and have made more mistakes with them than you can count. But in the end, I know they will be ok. I know I will be there for them and will support them as best I can. I know they will not have the best of everything, and they will absosmurfly hate some of the things I love. But they will be stronger for their failures and successes, no matter what I think of their choices.

Hope this helps...

Answer 4

From my experience it is happening at a younger age every year but normally it seems to be 13 yep 13 around that age you really have to let a teenager learn from there own mistakes But you should never let you self be closed outa the picture always make sure you child has someone to talk to (as in You) if not you will for surely get a rebellious teen and maybe even loose that teen emotionally and cause a great rebellion trust me I haven't talked with my parents since I was 13 and I'm now 22 all because they where trying to control me in a bad way and i had no one to talk to. So remember you have taught you child as best as you knew who and now its time to let them choose there own path and yes its hard but its really life:D

Answer 5

There is no particular 'age' for the 'rebellion' you speak of, and not ALL children go through the same type of rebellion. Generally, girls start to 'rebel' earlier than boys ... girls at 'around 13' and boys at 'around 15-16' but that is with a 'plus/minus three years' for both statements. And this 'rebellion' is not 'bad' ... it's actually a 'necessary part of growing up' and becoming 'a whole person' instead of 'simply repeating everything my parents believe in' ...

Answer 6

For me it was 15 and beyond. I am now a couple of decades past that point. When I look back I am appalled at my behavior. I have apologized several times to my parents for putting them through sheer hell during those years.

Good luck - you'll need it!


I wish I could tell you how to avoid this, but I don't think there is a way! Just try to be there for them when they need you. They will grow out of this eventually!

Answer 7

Anywhere from 14-16 I would say. My stepdaughter started acting that way about the age of 15. Its really gonna depend on the kid.*

Answer 8

if the parents are wimps and unfair and say things like do as I say , not as I do

then at 3 the kids will be defiant

if parents are fair and listen and care, then they become slightly defiant around 13

Answer 9

Its called rebelling..

If the parent is too strict on them as a child - they ARE going to rebel when they get to their teens.

And then they know you can't do anything to stop them. As a kid - parents are just scary.... As a teenager you realise that they are just people. An equal almost.

Meet halfway and they won't be so defiant.

Answer 10

About 18 months.