How to do you take away power from and ex and empower yourself?

Question

My husbands x is controlling, mean, hateful, deceitful, manipulating, gold digging and uses the kids as leverage against him. My x doesnt do any of these things, He leaves us alone other then to see his daughter which we schedule. My husbands ex goes crazy if Im coming with my husband to get his kids and she grills the kids everytime they go home or she calls my husband all the time(I think to annoy me). Its gets under my skin and causes rage in my marriage between us. My ex doesnt do any of this and we were married for 13 years and have a toddler. Ive tried talking to his ex and she only hears what she wants. She cheated on my husband before I even came into the picture. Now my husband (who is her ex) blames me for being "obsessed" because I get so upset or basically hurt. I wanted them to work out their marriage because of the kids but she blames me. I think my husband resents me now because I am consumed by this mess.. HELP! I knew he had a family but his ex has got worse.

Answer 1

completely ignore her, don't go when he goes to pick up her kids, don't get involved in this drama, as the fight is not yours. she is hurting, hurt people hurt others, she sees where she went wrong in life, and sees how happy u and he are, plus the new child , she feels is taking away from her kids. she cheated but must have thought she could come running back to him if her relationships didn't work out, but she got fooled when u entered the picture. u are the object of her anger, distance yourself from this woman, she is out to do whatever she can to upset u, just refuse to be part of it, ignore whatever she does. ignore her calls she is just doing it to get u going, surprise her next time and just don't react. her life probroly isn't that great, she knows she made a mistake, but can never get him back, and she blames u.

Answer 2

I would tell you to butt of it, but keep an eye from a distance. Document EVERYTHING that his ex does (and did). Start a time line from when she had her affair, and document everything she does. If your hubby wants custody of his kids, this is better fighting material other than word of mouth. Subpoena phone records to help your documenting, or if she is harassing on the cell phone then you have your document there and just highlight her numbers.

I would really hate to be in your shoes and it sounds like you are caught in the cross fire of your hubby and his psycho hose beast ex. You do not sound like you are 12 -- it sound like his ex is the 12 year old. You sound like a grownup that has tossed her hands up in the air and has given up, and I don't blame you. But if anything I have to tell you grow a thicker skin and ignore what she complaining about. My wife snores so loud that I've put ear plugs in and I still her her at times. Walmart has a 10 pack of the for under $5.

I hope this helps. Adios.

Answer 3

The only power she has over you is the power you have allowed her to have. By you letting her upset you is a way of giving her power. .Also, you must stop playing into this as it is beginning to have an impact on your marriage. Your husband is beginning to resent you, this indicates you are probably over reacting and using her actions as an opportunity to make her look bad. This has to stop, there are children involved and it is not a good atmosphere to bring children into. Also, stop comparing your ex with his ex. There is nothing worst than two women who play the man against each other. Stop this or you will find yourself in divorce court once again. Hope my answer has angered you into reality. I am trying to help you here. Best of luck to you!

Answer 4

You are giving the ex power by letting her get under your skin. Ignore her. Do not go with your husband to drop of the kids. It is not fair to put the kids in the middle of adult in-fighting. Again, I stress - ignore her - this strips her of any power. She will eventually stop this behavior because she is not getting the desired results (which is annoying the crap out of you).

By the way, I hope you don't keep throwing in your husband's face about how "my ex doesn't do this". This serves no purpose but to alienate him. You are basically blaming him for his ex's faults.

Answer 5

A swift boot in her a$s may solve her problems. Unfortunately your hands are tied. Your husband has to step up and tell her where to stick it. You could try telling him that his ex-wife should not be having any control over your marriage ( but make sure to tell him that you feel like she does). But you will have to get used to a certain amount of contact between them because of the kids. Good luck and hope the best for you and your situation.

Answer 6

Well, she is jealous that is apparent. Try not going with him to pick up the kids. Make it as if there WAS them and NOW there is you and him together. Women seem to take these things harder than men do. I have a boyfriend whose ex is not particulary fond of me. I have never met her, but can tell from her daughter that I am not her favorite person. So, if her mom calls I be quiet until she gets off the phone. It makes it easier for her and her mother's relationship. Try to just chill and let your husband deal with it. After all, it is his problem and not yours.

Answer 7

She can only do what your husband will allow her to do and he is not putting his foot down at all. If she starts to fuss when you are with him while dropping the kids off let them get out of the car by themselves watch to the door and drive off or just drop them off and walk away why stand there and listen to her. He can stop her from calling all the time by just not taking her calls or letting her know look the only time you can call me is if it is concerning the kids good bye and hang up the phone eventually she will get the picture but it has to start with your husband, you are not obsessd you have every right to be upset they are both being very disrespectful towards you.The wife by what she is doing your husband by allowing her to do it.

Answer 8

He's HIS X. And the children are HIS. Thus that makes it HIS problem to handle.....NOT yours. In the meantime, simply put, butt out. It's his baby from this day forward. Do NOT allow her to pull you into her ugliness. That may disturb her greatly, and she may put further pressure on e/one else. But I repeat. SHE is NOT YOUR concern. When she calls, simply let her know that you choose to no longer speak to her......hang up.....and let your husband know, so that HE can take care of the matter in whichever manner he sees fit. If she persists, let her know that if she cannot be civil in all ways, you will have a restraining order issued against her. I dont believe you will need to go that far. However, it will show her that you will not tolerate her nonsense. and I also believe that will empower you.

Answer 9

I need clarification? He blames you for what? Were you the other woman while he was married to his ex wife? And if so, you are getting just what you deserve. It's no wonder you're obsessed with what she's doing, you know what you did with HER husband. Now you're worried that he'll go back to his family...Which he probably will. Poor you.

Answer 10

First of all STOP comparing his ex to your's. You were married to two different people so your marraiges weren't the same and neither were your divorces. Secondly STOP butting into your husband's previous marriage, his ex wife is HIS problem and HE needs to deal with her HIS way. You are not going to change his ex wife so stop trying, you are only making matters worse.