Does your spouse ever do this?

Question

I have been married for 6 years. We married young, or at least I was. I'm currently 24 and my husband is 30. Before I came into the picture he and his friends LOVED the bar scene and just running every night.
The first year of our marriage was bumpy just because our families didn't care for eachother. Our daughter was born in March.
My question is that it seems as if now every year between Feb. and April my husband seems to go MIA on me. He will spend every night with his friend(s) and only be home to sleep. He'll barely even speak to me and every now and then be interested in sex.
We don't argue often. When we do it is usually either over bills or else it is him saying I'm not sexual enough. Typically we have sex maybe 2-3 times a week which I don't think is all that bad considering we have a preschooler and live with his 'rents. (I can't get in the mood when I hear people walking and talking just outside the room) He thinks I should be rippin' his cloths off EVERY night......

Does anyone else have a spouse that does this and if so, how do you cope? When do you decide enough is enough? I usually will just give him his space and hope he comes out of it soon. But this time around he went from being happy go luck last week, went down to KY for 3 days and came home not talking to me. I tried to be intimate with him Tuesday night and he just laid there clearly not interested so I stopped, feeling like a moron!
Now he has left again with his grandfather to go back to KY this weekend and when he left he wouldn't look at me . I gave him a kiss, told him I loved him and then he walked out the door without saying it back. It kills me when he is in this mood but if I do talk to him about it then he will always turn it back on me. He'll start saying how he is tired of begging for my love (sex) and that he shouldn't have to. The thing is, I've started to feel like that is ALL he is interested in and that is what he considers love to be. Am I wrong or is he???

I have brought up the living with his parents only 1 and it was almost the end of our marriage only after 6 months!!! He promised we would get a house as soon as we could but then his step-dad got ill and hubby told me then that we were staying with them and I was going to help take care of them.
I do love my in-laws. They are good people and honestly the usually side with me if they know hubby and I are fighting. The house is in his mom and his name so he considers it HIS house.

I've wondered about the "Spring fever" thing too. He has his moods other times of the year but they only usually last a week or so and is stress related since he owns his own business. I keep telling myself this is the same thing but he has gotten even worse this time around. I don't know how much more of the "silent treatment" I can take.

To those posting that I am "letting him cheat" I'm not. I have checked into it and he isn't. Even his mother looked into it because she had wondered the same thing but after checking him out, he was telling the truth about where he was and who he was with. He was just going out and getting drunk with his MALE friends.

I don't think that he is cheating. He seen his mom being cheated on while he grew up and hated his father for it. I don't think he would stoop that low but he does have an issue with confusing sex for love. To me, love is just being with someone.. whether you are watching TV, going out to eat or laying in bed (not having sex). Sex is a benifit to love! That is how I feel about it! But when we get in a fight and he says because we aren't having sex more than 3 times a week,I don't love him, I begin to just feel like a piece of meat.

As I said...even this fight hasn't happened often, just when it does it gets ugly!We "fight" maybe 2-4 times a year and that is it!

Answer 1

I don't think is sounds so much like "spring fever" as it does Seasonal Affective Disorder. Since he went "down" to Kentucky, I assume you live further north than that, where the winters are cold and long. He might benefit from seeing a doctor to be assessed for SAD.

Answer 2

One...he is a stooge. Any man who cannot support a wife ON HIS OWN at his age has no business even being married. let alone throwing a kid into the mix. You madam...are not any better because you tolerate this. He is apparently fixated on getting laid. Whether it be by you or someone else apparently is of no concern to him. It also apparently is the same with you because despite him claiming he doesn't get enough sex from you the two of you still manage to get a piece two or three times a week. It also doesn't seem to concern you that he's no doubt been dipping his wick elsewhere and yet you still allow this....this "man" to engage in one of the most personal and intimate acts a human being can have with another.
Amazing...simply amazing. So...um....just what is your question anyway?

Answer 3

Rest assured, if things were like that in my house, I would be single again. Life is too short to be unhappy.

The fact that he bitches about not getting sex enough, and then turns you down when you try to instigate it tells me that he very well may be getting it elsewhere.

He left, didn't say that he loves you, barely kissed you, and all of this because he's only getting laid 2-3 times a week? BULLSHIT.

While the situation at home may be stressful, as NO one likes living with their parents, he could think of you, too. Instead of leaving you alone with your in-laws with a baby, he could arrange for a sitter and you could go out, too. If he doesn't want to do that, though, he's got very little consideration for YOUR emotional well-being.

I went through this with my son's father. He said that all of his friends couldn't stand me because they thought that I was anti-social. Well, the REASON I was anti-social was because I was stuck at home caring for an infant, and he was out partying every night of the week.

He stopped wanting sex, and lo and behold, I finally caught him with someone else...

Talk to him, and see what's going on, but if he's not open with you, or feeds you a bunch of crap, it's time to investigate the life of being a single parent.

Take it from someone who's been there. Being a single parent is hard, but it's not that bad. It's CERTAINLY better than feeling unappreciated.

Answer 4

Enough is enough. It's time to tell him to get you all out of the parent's place (you can still help w/o sharing a roof), no more sleep overs or disappearing and stop the bar scene. Tell him to grow up or you'll move out and then follow through. He's acting like a high schooler with no responsiblities...if that's what he wants you need to take the child and go make a decent life for you elsewhere no matter how great the in-laws are. Before there's another child for you to be solely responsible for. Before the child you have thinks it's ok what daddy's doing and grows up to be in the same mess.

Answer 5

Communication is the key here. I would sit down and try to talk to your husband, tell him how you feel about him being out every night with his friends while you are at home. Tell him how you feel about living with someone else and that it is hard for you to get in the mood. Ask him for some alone time, just the both of you, no kids. If he can go out every night then he can spring for a nice motel room for some alone time. The most important thing is to stay calm and talk, not to argue. Best of luck to you.

Answer 6

Well lady: You are confused. Who isn't nowadays!!

Some chaps go in for the lovey dovey stuff. But I feel you should consider that for men, sex is a total release. I think for women, sex is not such a priority, since it is not a release but a receive, if you get what I mean. And am not trying to be vulgar or anything.

What guy would not love having sex till he drops?

Again, if a girl throws herself at the guy, its a turnoff. Teasing is worse, it can bring on violence.

You might have various reasons for not wanting sex. Your reasons may not make sense to him. Then what? Its a standoff.

Dont worry about the bar scene.....as much as a lady would love being served breakfast in bed, a guy would love hitting the bar.
to each their own.

But when you come back to each other, "loverli"ness aside, it is about sex and empathy.

Empathise and gain his trust. You cannot go wrong.

Tell me if you have different views.

Answer 7

this is very strange to me but i think you should talk to him even if you are not arguing doesnt mean there isnt something wrong a good way to start the conversation is with a love letter like the one descibed in the book "men are from mars and women are from venus" it can be used for alot of things good and bad and starts the sentances out for you like

dear jon,

i am afraid....

i am sorry...

i like when you...

i know that you...

and so on..

but when you say things like "i" instead of "you" it can help the situation because he will not think that you are blaming him for everything. i have times of the year that i get a little restless but it is usually because of something that my family has nothing to do with.. like taxes or work so dont think the worst thing first give him the benifet of the doubt and be honest.. if you need more info on that love letter thing or cant get a copy of that book to get it email or message me and i'll send you a sample i also suggest that every woman and man read this book

[e-mail]

Answer 8

Honey, you need to move out into your own home. That is your problem. He doesn't have any freedom to do as he pleases in his parent's home and neither do you.

I don't care what it is you have to sacrifice to get your own place or how small a place you will be able to affor. If you want your husband at home at night, he needs a place where he can be himself.

You are totally missing the point here, if you move into your own place your life will completely change.

Now, that's if you want to keep this marriage. Your husband sounds like a big baby who didn't get his ya yas out before you got married. Are you guys living in the room he grew up in?

He's a child in man's pants dear. He won't become a man until he has his own roof to support.

Answer 9

Well, sexually, he should remain happy that you are interested 2 to 3 times, especially with people milling about and if he isn't happy with what he is getting then tell him to grow up about it and as soon as you both get your own place you'll consider giving him more. As for him going MIA, could be due to the winter-blues and finally here is "almost spring" to real spring. I get cabin-fever during winter months so I'm barely home either once it starts to warm up. Not that I take off and barely talk to my fiance, but I do spend considerable amount of time outdoors.

Answer 10

I think sex 2-3 times a week for a new mom & also living with his parents is exceptional considering the circumstances. I'm just curious, why is he MIA between Feb. & April? What about the other months?