My hubby wants to move some where warm but I am very close to all my family. If we move i will be leaving all my family . His reasons for moving are that he works outside and the cold bothers his joint(knees,back, and hands). He may have arthritis. I am torn on what i should do. I love him and my family both. I am afraid if we move i will only RESENT him for pushing me to move. HELP!!!!!!!
2007-02-23 04:22:51 · 23 answers · asked by iamwhoyouarent 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First question, does your husband's health matter to you?
Second question, does moving away from your family mean that you will never see them and cannot call them?
Third question, are you afriad of moving too far from your parents and making excuses?
Those questions may sound harsh, but I have moved many times and made great friends and had great experiences. You really need to think of your husband's health. If he feels that his outside job is causing him enough discomfort to have to move, that is major.
You have to think about how easy communication is today and remember that transportation is quite good too. You will not lose your family by moving some distance from them. You can talk to them everyday on the phone if you need to. You can email pictures back and forth and even get in the car and drive back home for a visit every now and then.
As far as resenting your husband, if you feel that he is using his illness just to move then you will resent him. The best thing to do is get medical opinions from a couple of doctors verifying that he needs to live and work in a warmer climate.
Take care,
Troy
2007-02-23 05:54:15 · answer #1 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Understandable that you love your family, but when you got married you started a new family. That man you chose to marry is your main family at this point. Him and any children between the two of you should be your top priority. If your husband is the bread winner in the family and his job requires alot of outside work in the cold, which causes him pain, why would you argue with that? Family is family and they will be there. Visit them when you can, talk on the phone often, email, and whatever other types of communication you can find. Would you prefer that your husband just say screw it, I won't work. You find a job that pays the bills and we can stay here. Marriage is about compromise.
2007-02-23 04:40:29 · answer #2 · answered by Stephanie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have seen this resentment happen. My mother-in-law moved away from her family, which she didn't want to do, for my father-in-laws job, and she resents it.
However, what really makes a difference is how willing your husband is going to be toward visiting a lot. Being away from your family won't be so bad if you can visit often and/or for longer periods of time. If you husband is supportive of that, then moving to a warmer climate should work just fine.
Also, you can make a deal with him. Say that you'll give it two years in the warmer climate. If after two years you are still unhappy, you move back, no questions asked. If he expects you to be willing to move to make him happy, he has to be willing to do the same. But it is only fair for you to give it a chance.
2007-02-23 04:32:41 · answer #3 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would help if you gave his age and how long you have been married because it could just another of his hairbrain schemes. How long before he retires? Has he been on a 'hot' holiday and felt better, if so it may not necessarily mean that he will feel better when working in hot climes, just being in holiday mode makes you feel relaxed. If you live in UK then it really isn't cold for very much of the year, is he better in the UK summe? I think you really need to take all these factors into consideration. Living abroad is OK if you are fit but our NHS compared to living abroad is really a must.
2007-02-23 07:53:06 · answer #4 · answered by georgeygirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going though the same exact thing. I am devestated by my pending divorce also. I feel often hopeless and lonely, desperate and sad. But I know God has a plan. I pray a lot and realize I cannot change the other persons mind. You just have to know you need time to heal and move on. E-mail me and I can help you further and tell you what I am going through. Might make it easier for you.
2016-05-24 02:36:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if u love him u wouldnt mind being anywhere as long as u r with him, sounds to me u r a little too attached to ur family. ur family is ur husband no? at least it should be like that.
somewhere warm is always a nice place to be at, it usually warms u up too and u can travel more often to see ur family, maybe hes just trying ti run away from ur family?
if u love him u wont resent him.
my family is very far from me and it has been for the past 6yrs coz i study abroad, i got used to it, i was only 15 so i think u shoud be fine. i travel home and spend time with them and its always nice to be welcomed to warmly and everyone to keep telling u how much theyve missed u! so dont worry it might turn out to be better than u think
2007-02-25 03:20:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have cut the ties with your family better when you got married. HE is your husband. Stop making him play second fiddle because of your insecurity. If your husband needs to move for his health and all you can think of is yourself, maybe you should break off this marriage now so he can find someone he deserves and actually loves him.
EDIT - I can't believe the stupid people here saying your family is more important than your husband. You all deserve each other.
2007-02-23 04:35:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
My fella wants us to move to an isle off Scotland where his mum & family live because he thinks quality of life is better for the kids as there is no crime (non reported!), wide open spaces, no polution etc..........I do not want to go as all my family are close by and my son is at college.
I wouldn't go if you know you will be unhappy as you will only resent him for it if things don't work
2007-02-23 04:39:26 · answer #8 · answered by cavviecath 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on wether or not you are willing to work things out, or just give up.
A marrage that is strong is one that has gone through some troubles and continues to work together. But if it is not give and take it can only tear it a part.
2007-02-23 04:31:14 · answer #9 · answered by not a bad guy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he wants to move because of his health.. why wouldnt you move? Being close to family is one thing but he is in pain.. to me this is an easy choice. Your family wont die without you ya know.. and neither will you
2007-02-23 04:27:53 · answer #10 · answered by Prof. Timpo 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋