Should I leave my husband? Married 9 years with 3 kids. He sucks!?

Question

I swear that I'm invisible. In the past 5 years we've been out 2 times. I threaten divorce and he cries. He only cares about me when I want out. This has happened more than twice. He swears he is going to make me feel loved, but that only lasts a few days. He knows more about his boat than he does me. He only cares because it would screw him financially. Our kids would not do well with the divorce, I just know it. They are not that young any more. I've been thinking about waiting until the youngest is out of the house and the I'm gone!! Does that sound stupid? I think there would be less damage done to the kids if they stay in a whole family instead of the broken family. By the time they adjusted to a divorce they would be young adults and would have lost the best years of their childhood to our divorce. Someone help me please. I need a friend who understands so bad!

Answer 1

i have been married for 14 years, not all good. i have felt the same way. I've threaten divorce too. i went so far as to have papers drawn up,that was many years ago. he cried- i couldn't understand why it took me getting the papers to make him see how hurt i was. i was done. so hurt and angry that i know longer cared. the truth was i did care that's why i was hurt. we also have 4 kids some young one 17. what i did was left the house for the day went to a store,found a book- I'm really not much of a reader but this book seemed different. so i bought it went to a park and red the entire book! it was like it was made for me! i could relate to everything, the book is called "don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff" just try the book, if at all it will give you insight on your own happiness. i keep the book handy for the days i need extra help. it's truly an amazing book. i really hope you believe me when i say i understand. i truly do. my marriage is still hard at times they all are. the key is only you can make yourself happy! then everything else falls into place. a great quote is where ever you go there you'll be. its so true. i really hope you check on this book. good luck

Answer 2

Sure. You say he sucks. Sounds like you would like something better. I would suggest that you find Mr. Right before you boot him. Mr. Right might be harder to find with three kids in tow. I do wish I had a best answer for you but a lot of people are in you condition. As a man I know I'm a nice guy with a good job and deserve a happy life. I work from 330 am to 330 pm six and seven days a week. I have a wife that loves to spend the money I make. I don't have time to do some of the things that would make most women happy. Maybe you should look around and see if things are so bad. As far as staying until the kids are older, forget it. You being unhappy will show and hurt them no matter when you leave. I don't know the age of you or your kids but would guess if you stay until the young is gone you will be in your forty's. It will be very difficult to start over at that age. If you would like e-mail me and we can talk more. Good luck!

Answer 3

I think that it's great how u r willing to stick it out for your kids sake. I would assume that once u have kids u would want the majority of your life to be dedicated to them. However, do u think that your kids are developing good social skills seeing dad and mom hardly interact with each other in an unhappy marriage? Probably not. It sounds like your husband cares because he doesn't want to lose u, right? Like u said maybe it's just because of the money. I think that most people who have been married as long as u have just don't want to face the uncertainty of change that would come with a divorce and that's the only reason why they won't let their spouses go. I think that if u don't like the relationship and when u tell your husband nothing changes then maybe u should have gotten to know him better before u got married. I hate to tell people to get divorced but that's what happens when u don't have a solid connection with the other person.
Also, u could put more romance into your marriage by taking the initiative of planning some things for the two of u. Romance isn't just for guys to provide for women. We have equal responsibility to do so for each other. Maybe your husband isn't into the type of romance that u r into and doesn't want to do it. That's a problem that many married couples run into. When they are dating both parties is trying to impress the other so they do the things that society says are attractive whether they agree with them or not, ie. holding doors, pulling out chairs, cooking and cleaning. If u are one of those people then I'm sure that u have changed some as well in his eyes. It's just that once you've been together for a while people don't feel like they have to put on an act anymore. So I would say that u should talk about what u want and try to set up some of those things yourself. Don't just expect him to do it because he's the guy because maybe he doesn't like it and and that's not fair. Hope this helps, if u want more help, let me know.

Answer 4

How come you only depend on your man to spice things up in the relationship? It seems like you have given up your husband and find reason to divorce instead of keeping the marriage together. Yall have been married for 9 years now and with 3 kids; you had it together. Not because of a lack of interest should lead to divorce. Divorce should only be filed only at adultery. If you could wait for your children to grow up and go file for divorce, how come you cant work things out? Talk to your man. Or you could stay away from your man awhile to really get the deal of distance and divorce. Any teenager might learn to understand divorce, but they never want it to even happen within their own family. Stay together for the love of family and yourself and your husband. I'd know if there was spark in love again; everything would fall right into place.

Answer 5

let me just say this. my parents were getting divorced (and the divorce process lasted for a few years) when i was in high school. children know when parents are not getting along. they do also talk about these things when you are not around. now that i have gotten that out of the way...don't stay together just for the sake of the children. that is the wrong example to set. if you are not happy then get the divorce. you may want to research some childrens' books with topics that are around 'when parents don't get along' or 'parents getting divorced' for your children (depending on how old they are) to help them understand that just because you are getting divorced that doesnt' mean that they are not loved. i do think that it is stupid to stay with a man that doesn't make you happy for the sake of the children. unfortunatley too many people make that mistake and end up being more misreable than every before. children are smart and strong. you underestimate your childrens' ability to handle such situations. i understood that my parents were getting a divorce. i remember my dad walking out with a suitcase in his hand. then he got a hotel, and finally an apartment while my mom stayed in the house wtih me and my sister. yeah we had our moments when we fought...but what relationship doesn't include fights? you need to go ahead and get that divorce. although me and my sister did not see any of the arguments nor hear them (except for two times)...me and my sister knew that our parents were getting divorced. and we are good to this day. so...don't worry about your children so much that it takes your happiness away. you are already miserable in your marriage. your children can handle it. i did. if your husband is only making you feel good for money...then you should have left him a long time ago.

Answer 6

There are times when staying together ' for the sake of the kids' do more damage that good. Scripually speaking,there is a correlation between the way a man / father treats his children and the way he treats their mother. In other words, a man or father shows his children how he feels about them by the way he treats their mother. So your kids may feel alienated themselves by him as well. I'm not trying to encourage you to divorce. I'm saying consider the fact that they are growing up without 'dad' anyway, even though he is in the household. And even though you are obviously a good mother to consider the effects on your kids, consider the effects the marriage has on you now. In the long run though, you will make the right choice.

Answer 7

If you can get him to counseling for your problem then great if not then it is time to leave him, your problem is known to you children and there maybe a time when your arguments about this problem would affect them more as they might believe they are the problem or part of it, you should talk to you kids and tell them how you feel and what you are thinking of doing about it, the children since they seem to be old enough to understand would be able to offer how they would feel if you left their father, you could explain that they would see him but not as much after the divorce. Staying there with all your frustrations might get away from you and you yell at the kids for no reason.You already have a broken home,if he pays little attention to you then how much attention does he pay to you children? GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!

Answer 8

Staying together for the kids would be the worst thing to do. Kids can tell when their parents are unhappy. It affects them more than you can ever know. My question to you is, have you ever showed intrest in his boat? Do you try to do things with him? A relationship is a two way street, you can't just expect him to show intrest in you if you don't do the same. I suggest that you two sit down and have a long talk, and if talking to each other does not help, seek some counseling. It seems to me that you are giving up on this marriage too easily. This is something simple to overcome, the man is not cheating on you, or committing some crime that could jeopordize your life. Give him a chance.

Answer 9

If there is one reliable rule about men it is that they never, ever take a woman'c comlaints seriously until she is out the front door with a suitcase in her hand. Even then, he always wonders what he did to make her mad. Like being mad at a man is enough reason to leave him

Sit him down today, tell him you have been trying to get through to him for years and are giving him one last chance. Make him understand that you are serious. Still, men are problem solvers not problem avoiders. As far as they are concerned, if you and hte kids are at home, you all get fed and clothed and there is enough money to pay the bills, then everything is cool and you have no reason to be upset.

Seriously, men are different creatures and think along completely different lines that women think along.

And, don't leave your home. The kids don't deserve to be uprooted. Pack his bags and call his folks, tell them to get a room ready and then make an appointment with a counselor. I don't know many men who would believe there is any trouble in their marriage without something drastic taking place to shove it in their faces.

I am just telling you this to save you time. You have already lost enough of it trying to work it out with him. His tears mean nothing if he doesn't follow them up with positive and life changing actions. He's a wuss that is afraid of being alone, that's all, his tears are for himself instead of for the damage he is causing to you and the kids. Self pity is something you shouldn't respond to.

Answer 10

Children are hurt the most in a divorce I will agree with you there...but they also pick up very easily on negativity and depression. If you are not happy then your children will not be happy either. I personally saw a drastic change in my kids as soon as I left my ex....they were so much better behaved and well mannered than ever before. No more notes home from school and grade went up....its a hard decision but dont comprimise yourself!!!!


Good Luck!