how do you forget your love ones...I am in the process of a divorce and cant seem to move on..i still love him

Question

it has been a month and a half since we been separated....the more i try to move on the harder it is for me to stop thinking about him....actually i should hate him becuz he relly broke my heart .Out of no were he told me that he didnt love me no more and that it was best for us to go our seperate ways.After all i had given him this is how he paid me.When ever i talk to him he seems like if he never cared.he sounds cold and with no heart.i always cry and tell him how i feel but he hangs up like if he doesnt care.how do i survive this.I married him for one reason, for love ..I also felt into a deppression because every night i would cry and miss him...i really dont feel complete he was my happiness and it shoked me when he told me that he didnt love me no more. people ask me if i might have done something bad but no...infact he was the one that started changing...he was being very cold and mean..and then for our one year anniversary he didnt even bother to call and i felt bad.

Answer 1

Rosario - You need to go through this greiving process. It will be painful and it is important that you feel it. There is nothing wrong with wishing things were the way you wanted or might have been. But, sadly; these are things of the past. It doesn't matter how much you love him or loved him when you are outright rejected and shut down.

I am not saying that your love was in vain. Of course you sound like your were a worthy and well deserving wife of what you gave from your heart to be given back.

You may and probably go through sadness, a sense of loss, anger, confusion, and many other feelings. Afterall; your world has been turned upside down and it wasn't on your terms nor were you the instigator.

I know it may seem a life-time away, but, you will find happiness again if you allow yourself too. Don't allow yourself to become a victim anymore than you already are. It is important that you surround yourself with supportive people that understand and can relate with how you feel. Don't be around people that tell you to snap out of it. This only makes things worse. However; you are going to have to come to the terms of your reality of what is "now". A man that does not love you and acts cold to you I am sure he is now probably giving to another woman.

You don't need him or any man to complete you. As you heal from this, become strong but, not jaded. Love yourself as much as you loved him, but, more. No man out there should complete you. They should only compliment your world and hopefully make you happier in being you.

You might not believe it, but, you can and have the ability to be a better you and you can be happier than you ever thought you ever once were. There will come a day when he is a distant memory that taught you many lessons......hard learned lessons, but, lessons nevertheless.

I was always taught to never love anyone completely. To save enough love for yourself should something like this ever happen. This is love to grow on, and if you see and realize that "YOU" were not defective or undeserving of his love, you will realize that he probably never deserved a woman as good as you.

It will be a bumpy road for awhile, but, you will make it. Don't give him the satisfaction that he destroyed your essence. Don't forget that you were a good gal when you met him, and behind all that pain, the same gal is still there. He did not define you, only you can do that.

So, hang in there, and surround yourself with good people with kind hearts, and before long you will realize that whom you are and how good you are he did not destroy. It was there all the time, and still is. Once the pain subsides, you can choose to be happy and find someone that will see you as the very thing and person that they have always wanted.

Many women have rebounded from such situations and painful periods in their life, and I'm sure you can and will too.

Keep the faith. And, having faith in yourself is paramount at this time.

"Hugs"

Answer 2

If you're used to caring for somebody--even when your needs aren't being met--then you could have some dependency/codependency issues or just be the victim of somebody with a personality disorder.

Somwhere in here, somebody wasn't telling the truth, or you wouldn't be sitting here wondering this like you are.

6 weeks is not a long time. I have spent longer than that trying to process a short-term relationship after a breakup. The thing to do is to make sure the bills get paid, the shoppin gets done, that you take care of yourself, and eventually you'll get used to your new routine.

You may never understand what went wrong because you only have half of the story, but over time you will discard the overly romanticised version of things (I am sure you are filtering the experience somewhat through the lense of what you feel is missing right now). For me, the hardest part after a breakup is getting over that feeling of missing somebody to care about. For you, it may be different.

After things ease up a bit, you might want to consider some short-term counseling just to get an outside view, or if you have a good family/community support network, you can socialize and share your feelings with those that do care about you.

When you regain your confidence, you can try dating. One word of warning, upsets while dating can set you back sometimes, but this is all part of the learning experience. Go slowly, keep your eyes open, and resist the temptation to believe in fairy tales in the future.

Answer 3

Oh my!So sorry sweetheart. You know, it's normal for you to feel this way. First of all, don't be afraid to grieve. It's the first step towards healing. If crying helps, then cry, nothin wrong with that. However, you need to come to terms with what you have in front of you. Let's think outside the box for a second. If this was happening NOT to you, but let's say it was happening to your best friend, what advice would you give her?
Well, I want you to know, that you have done NOTHING wrong and this is in NO way your fault. You married for love. You gave him everything you had AND more. And then just like that, he says it's over. Well, HE just destroyed his chances at ever being happy. And I know it sounds really cliche, but what goes around come around. Life always has a funny way of coming back to bite you in the behind for things you did wrong to others.It's the law of life. There's no escaping that.
Now what you need to understand, is that YOU have your whole life ahead of you. Do you really want to grieve over this loser forever? Or do you want to pick up the pieces and move on? Trust me there ARE good men out there.
Hun, it's okay to miss him, it's okay to still love him, but the sooner you realize he is NOT the same person you fell in love with before, the sooner you can SNAP OUT OF IT and move on. I know that out there is a man who will welcome you with open arms, and who will share your perspective on love and marriage. Don't let this experience intimidate you from finding Mr.Right. This will make you smarter, stronger,better. There IS light at the end of the tunnel, just keep looking straight ahead. AND hold your head up high baby girl, you have a great future ahead!!!

Answer 4

You have been emotionally and physically abandoned by someone for whom you cared very deeply. While "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all," I am sure this is small consolation to you right now. The best thing you can do is figure out the lesson this experience has taught you. What signals did this man give you that you now see should have warned you of his inability to give you lasting love? How can you prevent developing a relationship with such a man in the future? You'll feel better when you have the comforting knowledge that, while this has been a costly lesson, you have learned something valuable from it.

Answer 5

Listen carefully, I have just gone through what you are going through. I could not understand why I still loved him after he told me he wanted me out of his life forever. Why was I such a basketcase and still loved someone who said and did so many hurtful things to me? Now I know why. For every 10 crappy things he did he would do 1 thing that I loved. That one thing was still more than I was getting anywhere else. I was clinging onto all those one in 10 sweet nothings. When I finally realized that I was settleing for a whole lot less than I deserved (I was giving so much more) I found it easy to let go of so little. You deserve more and you (or any other girl) should not settle for crumbs. I also realized there were things in his upbringing that was interfering with his ability to give or accept love. I know I don't have a magic wand to take way all that damage, that is something he will have to work on.
My advice, stop with the crying and begging in front of him. While I was breaking up with him.... I put on a skit, planned a great New Years Party, and my friends through me a fantastic birthday party. On the outside it looked like I had my act together. No one knew I was crying all night long, especially him. It is amazing, but if you act like you don't give a damn about a guy, the guy get real interested in you.
Anyone who says "I don't love you" after being intimate with you is just lying to you and to himself. But who cares, he obviously is the one who is missing out.
Give yourself time, pull yourself together. Get in shape, buy new clothes and do those things you never had time to do because you were spending all your energy on him. If you feel like crying, let it out then get on with your day.
Good Luck sister

Answer 6

they seem to change over night sometimes, and don't remember we were good to them, they do act cold, because they have found someone else they want to be with. he will never be sorry, he lives by a different set of morals and a different belief system than u do. he is selfish and shows u no respect. it will take some time to get over it, but accept him for what he has become, don't focus on the good times right now. don't call him and cry it will not win u any respect from him, stop calling, never let him see u are hurt. the only thing we can do is set them free if they no longer love us, as we really have no control over anyone but ourselves. i waited for my ex to call on our 10the anniversary, was so sure he would call, no call ever came, even at the divorce no show of any emotion at all, so the longer we fail to accept the truth the longer we tend to stay in the emotional hell. u may need some therapy, find a group of women like yourself in your town, who may be going through the same thing, get a support system going and accept it, he wants to be with her, and as hard as it is to accept we can't do anything about it but to handle it and keep our dignity, means don't call the jerk anymore, don't ever beg for someone to love u, if they don't. get your self worth back, buy some new clothing, go out with friends, and never call the man again.

Answer 7

Hi Rosario: You know I ma in the same situation you are in. I have two children . I was married for 5 years. My husband left admitted that he was seeing some one else. It hurt alot but because I loved him I was able to forgive him. He puts all of the blame on me because he said I was never threre for him and that I never wanted to have sex. Well the reason for that was because as a child I was molested , and that is something I never told him , or got help for. I told him 2 days ago and he does not seem to care. I also starting seeing a psycologist to help me deal with that and with whats going on right now too. When I returned He left again. Since then 01/05/07 he has not returned. I cry when I go to work, I cry at work, I cry when I get home, I cry myself to sleep. Right now he is going out and having fun, so of course he is going to be cold hearted and say that he does not love me anymore. I call him every little chance I get and cry to him , I beg him to come home and he says that he is not. I know what you are feeling right now. He also hangs up on me when I try talking to him . You know we need to be strong and move on. I am finally realizing that. I know its not my fault so I cant let him put the blame on me anymore. Maybe a psycologist can help you with the depression. I know I have only gone 1 time , but I know it helped . Someone will come our ways when we least expect it , and they will love us . :)

Answer 8

I can see how the thought of loseing him can cause you anxiety that leads you to panic. It is normal for a person to feel desperate and cling on to the person they love who seems to be drifting away. But as you can see this has not worked in bringing him back to you. If he has just one little tiny flicker of love left for you (and he probably does), you must NOT smother that small flame, or it will burn out. This is the time you must display tough love. Right now he feels only disrespect for you, pity, this makes him want to run even further from you. Nothing is more un appealing than a person that begs and crys, crawling on hands and knees. Difficult as this may be to do, you MUST stop the crying, begging, and let him know that since he gives you no other choice you have accepted that the marriage is over. In order for him to stop running away, he has to know that his freedom is secure by you meaning this. Then you show you mean it by NOT calling him for any reason at all. In time he will start to marvel at your strength, regain respect for you, and maybe even start to miss you. This is a slow process, but trust me, time is on your side. Otherwise, what other options would you have? And even if he decides to never come back you at least regain your degnity. Remember, as bad as you feel right now, you will feel better one day. A broken heart takes you on a journey over a road of pain and dispair, no way around that road. To make it you have to cross that road. Trust me, happiness will be your reward at the end of this heartbreaking journey. In the mean time reach out for love and support from friends and family. Best of luck to you!

Answer 9

Welcome to the club. The pain is unbearable...true. The only thing that will heal this are two things...time...and another relationship. I know. Sounds like when your dog dies people tell you to get a puppy and you'll feel better. A new relationship will allow you to channel your energies, your emotions and your sexual and emotional needs to another who (hopefully) will return the same. Naturally walk gingerly because right now you're at a very vunerable stage and taking advantage of you at this point is a real possibility. You're psyche is fragile and people have fallen right into an emotional and physical relationship mistaking them for love.
So....go easy and be careful. As far as he goes...let it go my dear. It isn't worth getting ulcers over. You'll do fine on your own and rest assured...you'll find someone. Look at it this way....when you start seeing someone you'll know EXACTLY what to watch for and what to avoid.

Answer 10

I cry for you. I know how you are feeling oh so very well.
The way I got over it was.......... I accepted that I never stop loving any one. Once I love, its forever! But I move on allowing time to heal the broken heart. It does happen. It hasn't been that long for you. Just move slowly. Start by going out with friends. Make yourself find some one to just hang out with for awhile!
"This to shall pass."