I have a past that is deplorable and disgusting. I turned over a new leaf when I started dating my finacee. I renewed my faith in God, started attending church again, asked for forgiveness for my past sins, and am doing my mortal best to live a better life. I prefer to pretend my past doesn't exist... everything between the age of 14 and beginning to date my fiancee last year (about 20 years) I do not think about and try not to discuss at all. I don't even associate with anyone from my past anymore and have cut ties with everyone but my family and a few close friends. However, my fiancee is plagued by thoughts of what a horrible person I used to be. How do I convince him I am earnest in my changes and that I want to distance myself from my past transgressions and continue to become a better person for the rest of my life?
2007-02-23 02:58:17 · 12 answers · asked by agreeneyedwolf 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You can't change a person's mind by talking to him. Just continue to live a good life. Every good day you have cancels out one of the bad ones. We do a lot of things when we are young and despite the fact we see it as horrible as you do there were probably reasons behind the behaviour. You were obviously looking for something maybe love or acceptance. These in themselves are not bad but sometimes we fall in with the wrong group and we get off track for a while.
God sends us all and different journeys and have you ever thought of the lessons that you have learned and the gifts that were given to you during this time.
You probably have a lot of compassion for other troubled teens and can relate to the sadness and emptiness they must be feeling. You may end up being a youth counsellor or be able to prevent your own children from having the same exeriences. You fiancee should be proud fo the positve changes that you have made and not focus on the past. Jesus would never do that remember he hung around with the lowest of society and felt at home with them. Every one makes mistake and if he can't accept who you are now then find a man who doesn't care about the past but only looks forward to the wonderful years that you will have. God tells us to live in the moment. You can not change the past and by dwelling on it you are destroying your present and ruining the possilbilites of enjoying a faith filled future. Go and see you pastor and take your fiancee in and tell him these accusations must end or your relationship will suffer irreversible harm. God bless.
2007-02-23 03:07:02 · answer #1 · answered by Deirdre O 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I want to congratulate you on your movement towards a better future.
Maybe you should tell him a bit about your past.....you don't need to go into grave details..... Tell him that you are telling him these embarrassing things because you trust him, and you want him to know you, even the bad parts.....
But seriously, if he makes you feel bad about your past and doesn't get over it and stop mentioning it.. You will just be living your life to prove to him you are a good person..
You ARE a good person. I don't even know you and I can say that with confidence. You are working hard towards a better future for yourself, you recognize your wrongs and are making changes.. If he doesn't forgive you and then eventually never mentions it again, you should leave him honey.
2007-02-23 03:06:30 · answer #2 · answered by mags2313 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone has skeletons in there closet and coming to terms with it is a marvelous hurdle. I applaud you! Convincing others to accept you for who you are now is easy if it doesn't matter to that person. Maybe the fiancee has a few skeletons that they haven't shared and would it matter to you if they shared? Its all about communication and trust Your past is but a hurdle through learning from your mistakes. So as an adult you don't repeat them and never should be held against you.
2007-02-23 03:08:16 · answer #3 · answered by purplecatfancier 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't deserve you. Period. You shouldn't have to "convince" anyone of anything. Your actions should be sufficient, and if he loves you, he will only care about who you are now.
It sounds like maybe he was a witness to how you used to be since you say you didn't change until he came into the picture. If this is the case, he will never get over what he knew of you.
You need to start fresh and don't think you owe anyone your life story unless they are mature enough to listen and be someone you can trust to confide in. You should be able to talk about your feelings and problems with the one who claims to love you. This guy doesn't love you. Love is a powerful thing. If he loved you, he couldn't stand to see you so upset over your past and would do anything in his power to convince you it doesn't matter.
Leave him now because, sweety, you WILL regret marrying him.
2007-02-23 03:11:32 · answer #4 · answered by ... 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of call congratulations for starting over. It's kinda hard to leave your past behind. Maybe your fiancee might be more forgiving if you share what your sins were and tell other people why they shouldn't commit them.
2007-02-23 03:51:43 · answer #5 · answered by christigmc 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your fiancee that your life started the day you met him and all the rest is just a blur and does not matter, if he cannot get over it, the relationship will never work. Good Luck!
2007-02-23 03:19:05 · answer #6 · answered by mingcrew 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know that the only one that matters is God!!! Face it when your gone no one here matters. You have changed and be proud of it and give yourself alot of credit and be proud, hold your head up and don't worry about anyone, thinks are says. Your man can open his eyes or go down the road, there is someone for everyone on earth, God did not put you here to be alone. So hold that head up and be proud.
2007-02-23 03:14:50 · answer #7 · answered by LUCY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your fiancee is plagued with these thoughts and has doubts about you why in the world would you be with him? Is this love? He doubts who you are and yet you're engaged? I'd think long and hard before saying 'I Do" to this man until he pulls his head out of his .......
Tori
2007-02-23 03:04:08 · answer #8 · answered by Incognito 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me that you have already done that or he would not be engaged to you. It is up to him now to move on and not let it bother him. I have a past myself and was embarrassed when i met my husband. I just did not go back to my old ways and he was proud of me for that and did not judge me for it. Sounds like your man thinks of your past as a reflection of him and if he can't get over that then he needs to really think about his commitments to you. You should not have to worry about always living up to him. What’s done is done honey and you can only get better and if he can't get over that then you guys are going to have a rough marriage. He does not sound like a very good Christian if he judges your past and does not praise you for your present life. He should already be convinced, you have done your part and it is up to him to just love you for that.
2007-02-23 03:14:38 · answer #9 · answered by micah z 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-16 07:56:51 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋