My very recent ex and I where together for 5 years. He has always had a drink problem and I left him due to him going on three day binges where he didnt come home and drank whisky until he passed out near dead. I though leaving may prompt him into getting help as we said we would stay friends as I wanted to help him to help himself. He admitted a problem but does not like AA classes. Where can he go from here? he is 28 and does not drink everyday but binges at times of "stress" he says he drinks as he cannot control his emotions. He is 28 and unemployed, lives with his dad and does not want to work or have a family of his own etc. He seems to have stuck at 18 yrs of age. what can I do as I am concerned about him dying
2007-02-23 02:57:42 · 13 answers · asked by Abigail 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he began drinking at 18 he is very likely stuck at that age. You have to realize that nothing you say or do will help him get sober. It is 100% up to him to realize that he needs help. Alcoholics don't necessarily drink every day. Your ex is a perfect example of this.
If you want to help him, let him know that you will support him when he decides to quit drinking. If you give in, be prepared for his behavior to continue.
Perhaps if he gets good and lonely, or in trouble with the law he will realize this is not a healthy lifestyle.
You may want to look into some alanon meetings. They can be helpful and educational. Good luck.
2007-02-23 03:04:31 · answer #1 · answered by katydid 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the best thing by first ending the relationship. How does he get money to drink if he does not work? His father is now his enabler by allowing him to live with him. While he has admitted that he has a drinking problem was his first step, this guy will not go beyond that. He binges because of stress? What stress? He lives with dad, doesn't work.... He does not want to help himself at this time. Yes, we all hope that by ending the relationship that will be the wake up call the ex needs to recognize their problems, but it does not work out that way all the time. Honey, you cannot change him~he does not want to change. Do not think you have to be his savior. Move on. Tell this one, you cannot help him and that it makes you sad that he has no value for his own life. How can he value anything else?
2007-02-23 03:09:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without support from his family and friends, it's hard to hard to have a successful intervention. If you can get a support team, then there is hope for him. (He obviously is in denial). Once your team is in place, your ex MUST go through rehab. If this doesn't happen, I'd advise you to treat this as a hard lesson in life, and move forward. You can go to AA yourself to get support for the emotions you are feeling as a victim of alcohol abuse. This might help you to move on faster. (You are already wiser from all of this. You now know the signs and symptoms of an alcoholic and can avoid this troubling trait in a future partner.) I wish you the best.
2007-02-23 03:33:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find an Alanon meeting for you to go to. They can counsel you on exactly how to deal with the person. I'm a recovering alcoholic and I know from personal experience that no one can help another person to quit drinking. He has to do it for himself. I have been sober for 13 years but my brother has been an active alcoholic for 35 years. Some people can be helped and some people can be hopeless.
2007-02-23 03:08:34 · answer #4 · answered by Give life. Be an organ donor! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It looks to me like the alcohol is a symptom of a deeper issue. Back off of AA for the moment and consult a therapist. If he can dig deep and get to the root of the issue, he may not feel compelled to binge drink.
2007-02-23 03:03:03 · answer #5 · answered by rtanys 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Be a friend to him when he calls. But you need to face the facts - even though you like him, he will never be a reliable, responsible person. Be there for emotional support, but do not try to force him to do anything. And certainly stay away from things like committing your financial resources to him - loans, support, etc. If he wants to pull out of this, he will. But you cannot make it happen yourself.
2007-02-23 03:02:00 · answer #6 · answered by Steven D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, even though you said he admits to having a problem, I think he may have just said it. A person MUST want to help themselves before they will get any help. If he doesnt truly think he has a prob. then he is not going to do anything.. He may be thinking "If its not broken, dont fix it" Best of luck to him though
2007-02-23 03:02:22 · answer #7 · answered by ♥shannon c♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing you can do to help an alcoholic. They have to admit they have a problem and seek help themselves.
2007-02-23 05:49:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you can do for him is not enable him. Don't tolerate his excuses and who cares if he "doesn't like" AA meetings. I am attaching a link for you, but there are groups for family support, please take advantage of them. Good luck and God Bless!
2007-02-23 03:03:04 · answer #9 · answered by Bev 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe the question is whether you can handle man like this. obviously he needs to face his own problem and that's his "biggest" problem....he can't take pressure and refuse to face reality. if you really consider to help him, why not you help yourself first. dump him. he won't dying anyway
2007-02-23 05:10:40 · answer #10 · answered by crystal ball 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋