Teen's Punishment - what's appropriate?

Question

Okay, update...my 16 yo son told his 5 yo sister to call me a swear word (the worst one - begins with c). After a family meeting, we decided to ground the 16 yo. I think 1 month is appropriate; his dad (my ex) thinks 2 weeks is enough. Do you think 2 weeks is enough time to ground him?
In addition, we have made a "swearing jar" & if *anyone* swears in our house, they must put $1 in the jar. Do you think this will help my son learn his lesson?

Answer 1

Teen punishment is the hardest thing to figure out...when the kids are little we're creative and manage to find ways to "make the discipline fit the crime" - like washing the walls if you colour on them, and losing the crayons for a week.

Yet for some reason, when the kids hit their teens, we stop using logical consequences...and we start using words like "punish" rather than "discipline", which means "to teach".

Since your son's issue is twofold, and both involve disrespectful communication, I would suggest that he be imposed a ban of silence for a week, while grounded: the message is, if you cannot communicate with respect, don't communicate at all. Silence implies no cellphone, no telephone, no television, radio, or speaking to anyone in the household for the course of the week.

I would also request that he plan an activity for himself and his sister, suitable to her age, in the home, so that he can correct his horrid role modeling with some more appropriate interaction with his sister. The activity would need to take place the day he is allowed to speak again, as the "grand finale" to his discipline.

Then I would sit down with both kids again, express what the expectation is for proper respect and communication in your home, outline ahead of time what the consequence will be next time, so that nobody has any excuses for not following through, and then introduce the swear jar.

Good luck.

Answer 2

i think a month is good and i dont think 2 weeks is long enough i think the swear word jar is good but instead of $1.00 i would make it $5.00each he swears at u or tells your 5 year old to call u names. i think the 16 year old should be a good role model for the 5 year old . i say ground him take away the car and the cell phone dont let him hang out with friends. but chrilden learn what they see how did the ex husband treat u when u was married?how does the ex treat u know? chrilden learn what they see monkey see monkey due. if the ex husband put u down in front the chrilden then they will not have respect for u if the ex has no respect or if u make comments about your ex in front of the kids. i am divorced and my ex dogs me in front of my kids and they treat me how he does but they are learing just because an adult does it does not make it right

Answer 3

I think 1 month is appropriate, my 16 yo son did that with his 7 yo brother and I grounded him from everything for a month, then my hubby and I started the no no word jar, it seems to work. I let them split the money every month and they put it into their bank accounts. for the last 3 weeks i can happily say the jar is empty.

good luck

Answer 4

At 16 I think the consequences should be a little more severe. I think two weeks is good but how about taking the car keys? No phone? No dating? No anything? Make him think about what he has done. Give him the garage to clean out. The basement. Make him understand that this is more severe than sticking a dollar in a jar if he swaers.

Answer 5

Two weeks is not enough, since he showed a total lack of respect towards you. While your daughter may have actually called you a c**t, he instigated it. As for the swear jar, it's a good idea but the fines are too low.

Answer 6

a month to a 16 yr old is going to seem like a yr.. I have always thought that they have to a light at the end of the tunnel... but still get the point across.

Hmmmm.. Sixteen.. is he driving?? I'd do a week and no keys . Taking the school bus when your friends know yo drive.... this is punishment. The cussing jar is a good idea

Answer 7

You could make them eat a hot Jalapeno for every letter in the curse word. This will make them think really hard about choosing which word to use next if any. Punishment does not work it only brings resentment, just remember when you were punished and how you felt at that time. It probably didn't cure you. The best way is to talk with them and let them know how it made you feel when they did it and be sincere about it. We all needed to know that we were loved and that our parents only had the best intentions in mind. You have to not only be a parent but a friend that they can confide in and ask personal question this way we can guide them based on our own experiences. My wife and I both talk to our kids of our past experiences so that they don't have to make the same mistakes and it seams to be working, they are both good kids and they tell us allot about whats going on in their daily lives from girls to school and even future wants and needs.

So, punishment is not the option, talking it out is, plus the Jalapenos.

Answer 8

i think you should let him have 2 weeks grounded and let him earn off the other 2 weeks doing chores around the house. he could mow the yard, wash the car, do dishes. whatever you will have him do. also you should make him write 1,000 times, my mother is not a c***. i will never tell my little sister to say a bad word again. if there is a next time tell him the punishment will double. and so will the fine for the swearing jar.

Answer 9

A month for a swear word is way to long! If you want to ground him, I think a week is enough and take away his allowance for the week. Also, I'd have a little talk about showing respect.
Your son won't respect you if you punish him unfairly.

Answer 10

A month is too long, a week or two should be enough. You wouldn't want your son to hate you even more because of this. Swearing jar? I doubt that'll work ... he'll probably just end up stealing from the jar. Talk to him and find out what's wrong and spend less time asking strangers how to raise and discipline your son.