Do I leave him?

Question

In October I found out my husband has been communicating with a girl he used to date in high school. Things he says to her are things he should be saying to me and no one else. I found more on new years eve and another one from valentines day. We have been together for 7 years and I don't know what to do. I have confronted him about it and he just gets mad at me for snooping........

To answer Chris' ?, no I don't give him all he needs. Not now. It's hard to have sex with someone who is telling another chick she is beautiful and she will love his daughter. Another answer yes we are married, so I can't just walk out. We also have a 5 year old daughter and a 9 year old son who is mine.

I'm not saying I'M THE perfect wife either but I have never cheated on him

Answer 1

In my opinion, the best way to get real true answers is not not be aggressive when asking. You need to remain calm and tell him when hes not doing anything. Ask him that there is something that you and him need to talk about seriously and ask him "can we talk about this" You need to ask him as few as questions as possible but getting as much info as possible. Ask him to be honest and lay everythin out on the table.. Is there something that I can do that will improve our relationship? ((This way you are not directing blunt Blame on him and he is less likely to get deffensive and ticked off and not want to open up)) Then say to him (if he answers that question) The reason why you are bringing this up is because you feel hurt and confused as to why he is giving his ex attention all of a sudden and he stil has feelings for her. Ask him do you miss your relationship with her? Explain to him that you will not want to be in a relationship if he doesnt want you. By talking to and saying these things to your ex IS my bussiness because it does envolve me because I am your wife and i have a right to know where things went wrong. All im asking is for you to be honest and upfront with me thats all. Are you willing to work on this relationship with me or would you rather be with someone else? If so You need to tell me so that I can move on with my life. Keep in mind You still have a calm voice... If he is the kind of person that raises his voice and cuts you off and not let you finish your sentences.. The best way it to write him a long letter and place him where he can read it. Express yourself as much as possible.. He cant interrupt you if hes reading it alone. At the end of the letter ask to to come and talk to you or write you back even suggest seeing a marraige counsler. See what he says GIVE HIM PLENTY of time to reply.... like a week. After a week if no answer... then its time to take it to the next level.. write him a note stating that his UNRESPONSIVENESS is a given sign to give you the ok to to seek for divorce. Let him know that you will be following through by a specific time period say 3 weeks... and this way it will give him 2nd chanch to come forward to save the marraige... If he shows no effort then Im sorry hiney its time to pull out Make sure you follow through with serving the papers... Sometimes men need thatreality check.... he might thing ((" ahhh she aint going nowhere") He cant have his cake and eat it too. I wish you the very best of luck .... I hope this helps.

Answer 2

all these people telling u to leave right, lets say he is cheating, if u admitt that u dont do all that u can for him at home then he cheat on u then who is to blame, i mean forreal not just for men but for women also, when a man asked a woman to marry him or the other way around and the other person say yes that means that means that that person should take care of all this person needs as a man or a woman, just like a real job in the world if u dont do your job good then u get replaced right, i mean it's hard but it's fair. and if u cant do what he needs done or he cant do what u need done then maybe u 2 should leave eachother because there is no need for the both of u to be unhappy. u say it's hard to have sex with a person who tell other people these thing but think about it u just found this out and u most likely been stoped wanting sex so that is no reason. the only thing im saying is everybody likes to blame the other person, but noone want to take the time to check them selves

Answer 3

I walked in on my now ex with a girl sitting in my living room. My ex told me she was a long time friend. I confronted him about it and when I did he got real defensive and mad. I knew something was going on. I could feel it. We were together for 6 years. We had a boy and a girl together. Let me tell ya hun he is not worth it. I cried because I didn't know what to do and how to handle the situation. I was depressed over the whole thing. We had 2 children together and what makes him think he can just walk all over me and treat me like this and walk out of the kids lives and walk into the arms of another woman. I packed my things and the kids things and we left. I realized I didn't need a man that would do this to us. He wasn't worth all that pain I went through. Your husband isn't worth it either. He gets mad at you for snooping, because he has something to hide. If he truly loves you he wouldn't put you through such pain. Divorce him hun. You and the kids will do just fine with out him. I know you probably think you need him, because I did to, but after all said and done I was glad I did what I did. I know 7 years is a long time, but it will be longer if you stay with someone like him. If you were to patch things up let me tell you, you will never feel like you can trust him again even though to tell your self you will. There will always be the thought in the back of your mind, is he out with someone.

Answer 4

No, no, no! Lady...he isn't "mad" at you for "snooping". He's mad at you because he's been found out. That's the reason. The groundwork for an affair is being laid. I'm also willing to bet that he'll assure you that he's stopped. But....I'm also willing to lay odds he's just learned that erasing the history on the computer will be a daily function by now.
So...you'll have to watch for other signs that this is still going on. I suspect that you may have to lay the law down. Perhaps alittle more open line of communications between the two of you may be in order? What do you think? What are your plans here?

Answer 5

It puzzles me why.... when ''us '' women are hurt, we begin to see our fault as cause to the break down of the relationship. If you haven't been the best wife, then it was up to BIG MAN to come to you and talk to you about it. He's doing what he want to do. Now he don't even have enough respect to talk to you about the fact, he has been having a emotional affair with his high school sweet heart. I'm only hoping, you have put both of your feet down and told him at no uncertain terms is he to have your kids around this woman. Find out who she is and comfront her as well. She have to know he's married and she don't know then she can find out real soon after you tell her. You tell him that you are not snooping if it's in the marrital property and if he need privacy to cheat, then you will just have the directions to another place drawn up by your lawyer. You say you can't just walk out, because you have kids, well what in the world do you think he has aready done? He have no respect and you are allowing him to come to his senses and choose you all over again. Why would you want him after this, and he didn't say he was sorry, he got mad because you found out and now he's still trying to have sex with you. You as well as I do, KNOW that the reason he have sex with you is because he can't get to her. OPEN YOUR EYES, DON'T BE A DOORMAT. LEAVE THE BUM ALONE. i WILL GRANT YOU, THAT SHE WON'T LIKE HIM HAVING TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT AND ALIMONY. If she know he's married, get her for abandonment of affection. Gota go, I'm getting too mad.

Answer 6

The fact that he is communicating with a girl from high school and not someone he just met indicates to me that this is more about his feelings about his past....and his wondering about "what might have been". Somewhat of a midlife crisis...but the more he indulges, the more the relationship becomes about now instead of then. I would hold off on intimacy with him till something is resolved. With a marriage and family, there are more important issues involved than sex. Find out if he wants to work at your marriage and save the family. As hard as it might be to do so, offer to give him some time (hopefully a short time) to make up his mind and tell him that you expect him to go to a counselor with you no matter what he decides because you have 2 kids to deal with together.

Answer 7

If your husband is talking to another girl, who he used to know when he was in High School, and is telling her sweet things he should be telling you since you are his Wife, and as I gather, she is not the only one he has had communication with since there were others. This Man, is not going to change, he will always be two timing you and you will never be happy with him, because you will never be able to trust him again. If as you say that you have two kids, one from a previous relationship,and another with him, then you have to think about the kids, don't you think that they do not know about the problem you two are having? This will affect them and why stay in a relationship that is never going to work? So, if I were you i would leave him asap, for your own good and your kids.

Answer 8

The reason he is mad at you is because he got caught red handed, it has nothing to do with you snooping. I would sit him down and find out if he really loves you and if so, would he be willing to leave or stop talking to the "OTHER WOMEN". She what his answer is because that will determine what the next step is. It is a lot harder when you are married and also when there are kids envolved because most of all the kids get hurt emotionally when parents get divorces so it would be best for the kids if the two of you can work it out, but if not and if he is not willing to change his cheeting ways, then I would say get a divorce and take the kids with you. Best of luch to you and your family.

Answer 9

Keep snooping and do more of it. Don't change anything until you have proof. Show him how much you love him always until that point. He will have an advantage if nothing has really happened other than a curiosity. You are rightly exploring your curiosity and you want him to see that you are doing this because you care.
Acting on assumption will get you more trouble and cause the marriage to get worse.
Ultimately in all marriage's, each spouse will answer for their actions, whether it be to their spouse, children, in laws, family and God. Stay calm and don't run away. Keep the doors open.

Answer 10

I think you should leave him because he is clearly disrespecting you as his wife and he is disrespecting your 7-yr. marriage; you deserve much better. He gets mad about you snooping, what world is he in; all he is trying to do is flip the script and make you feel bad for being his wife. You were supposed to be celebrating New Year's and here he is sending e-mails to an ex and once he did so on Valentine's Day clearly should have crossed the line for you; should you even be asking this question. I think you need to be packing instead. Do what's right for you; take some time to figure out what's right for you, what needs to make you happy, and leave now.