Many of us have had times when we've have thought about leaving/ getting divorced. So i just wanna know what makes u stay?
2007-02-23 02:26:52 · 24 answers · asked by Chrissilicious 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My wife suffered from long, deep bouts of depression stemming from traumatic events in her childhood. She would spend litterally weeks in our bedroom with the shades drawn never coming out even to eat. It wasn't the "happier everafter" that I imagined.
But two things kept me going. One was that I gave my word that I would be committed to her for the rest of our lives. I didn't say I would be committed as long as I was happy, in love, being taken care of, felt like everything was good, or until I had a better offer. I gave my word and I was committed to it.
The 2nd thing that kept me going was that there were times when my wife would come out of her room. We would go places, do things and have such a wonderful time. She was smart, a great conversationalist, loved to challenge herself and I loved being with her. Memories of those times got me through the times she (we) were trapped in her depression periods.
Couples don't get to celebrate their golden wedding anniversaries because they stayed in love with each other. Love, just like all other feelings, come and go. No, they reach those lofty years because they stay committed to each other.
Three years ago my wife passed away. I miss her so very much. What I wouldn't give to have one more day to spend with her.
2007-02-23 02:44:46 · answer #1 · answered by Bud 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm pretty sure that EVERYONE has at least thought about it.
I stay because I love her and her existance makes me happy. Sure, there have been awful times, and times where I had thoughts of leaving run through my head, but those are the minority. 99% of the time I wouldn't even think about it. She is the love of my life, and even though we are not perfect and there are plenty of things we need to work on, I stay because she is my wife and I intend to keep it that way.
I did go through a period of time early in our marriage where thinking about leaving became the dominant thought. It lasted nearly a year and we barely made it through. But we did - both of us too stubborn to let it go. I'm glad we're stubborn.
I am sorry that you felt the need to ask this question. If your avatar is accurate, you are not happy right now. Keep this in mind - a marriage is a combination of what you make of it, and what you allow it to be. Most misery is preventable, and unless the other is hell-bent on ruining it, it can be worked out. Sometimes this means you have to be the bigger person for a while - and give more than you get back. Often a steady stream of effort eventually brings your spouse around to realizing what you mean to them.
Good luck.
2007-02-23 02:39:55 · answer #2 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are lots of reasons I stay...I'll try to list them.
None of our problems have been SO bad that would justify leaving(no cheating, no drugs, no physical abuse, etc) and I'm thankful for that.
Life keeps getting better as I get older. Our relationship gets better too. If I leave now, who knows what I'd miss when we are 50 or 60.
He's a good guy...yeah...just that. Sometimes he annoys me and does things that makes me wonder what planet he fell from, but ultimatly, he's a good guy who loves me and the kids.
The kids. They love him like a super hero. He loves them a wicked lot. Seeing them play together would be a memory that would haunt me if I left.
He works hard so I can stay home with our babies.
He smells good. He's cute. If he was single and I was too, I'd pick him again...so ugh...what's the point of leaving?
2007-02-23 02:37:13 · answer #3 · answered by Wendy B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Despite the problems we have had, I love that dummy still. That's the hardest part, when your heart holds on, even at times when your mind tells you to leave or leaves you questioning the possible outcomes.
We don't have children yet, and to be honest, while I want to start a family, I also know starting a family will not solve the problems we are and have been having. We have agreed to go to couples counseling, which may not necessarily solve our problems, but help guide us where we need to go for us to be happy.
While I don't know about our future, as there are days I want to leave because of the hurt he has put me through, I realize I want to work on things with him. It's going to take some time for me to ever trust him again and to love him as completely as I once did, but I hope that one day, that hurt will be gone, and we will be happy. But unlike last time, when I was floored about the situation, I am also ready and understand that there may be a day that I have to decide whether to stay or go......and if it comes to the situation I had last year...I will leave because the pain I felt last year I do not wish to happen again, either to myself or to even my worst enemy.
2007-02-23 12:34:48 · answer #4 · answered by Eve 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
our two young children and his niece.
legal problems resulting from a fraudulent builder that we are trying to take care of without ruining us financially.
2 family obligations.
#1. I am the only steady and sane person in my nieces life. I made a promise to her that I would not leave until she is 18, and able to make decisions for herself. (I did not make the promise to her verbally, she has no idea.) she is now 16.
#2 my MIL is 70, and she is not able to withstand anymore turmoil right at this point in her life. she has been through so much already in the past two years, that I WILL NOT be responsible for adding more and possibly endangering her health.
Because deep down, even though my husband is an idiot and has undergone a complete personality change this past year, I still love the man that he used to be and I am hoping that something will happen in his present lifestyle to snap him out of it and make him realize that even though he has destroyed many, many aspects of our lives, everyone is entitled to one mistake and there is nothing that he has done that CANNOT be fixed or forgiven.
2007-02-23 03:02:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
honor to a comittment we made almost 40 years ago,as well as a deep love for each other.
there have been a time or two when we both have thought about leaving, but we stay and battle it out and move on.
at the end of the day, i know that he would stand with me, as i would with him, against the rest of the world if need be.
and again, we are just too stubborn to give up! lol
p.s. i was deeply moved by Bud's answer and you should give him best answer. his answer was truly about love.
2007-02-27 15:39:15 · answer #6 · answered by tess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. My promise to stay.
2. We decided that divorce would NEVER be an option.
3. I have yet to find that the grass is greener on the other side, No matter how hard things get, I know in my heart of hearts that I married the PERFECT man for ME.
2007-02-27 14:56:10 · answer #7 · answered by Jules 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in a situation, where I'm trying to decide whether I should leave or stay. Its really a tough decision, because I truly do Love the guy- but I'm not happy! I try being there for him, taking his bull-sh*t, and caring for him... but I've had enough! I'm too young to be going through this, and I know I deserve more. But we'll see what happens. I gotta follow my heart- I guess?!?
2007-02-23 02:35:09 · answer #8 · answered by CUTIE 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Commitment. Vows. It doesn't seem to mean much these days, but I still believe in it. Leaving is the easy thing to do. Staying--when you're tired, or bored, or it's difficult---takes work. But I think--and I really hope---the payoff is worth it. I hope to look back decades from now & say, "...Yeah, I could have left, but I would have missed so much."
2007-02-27 14:15:57 · answer #9 · answered by gina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe I have defeatist attitude, but I believe most people who stay in an unhappy relationship do so because its better the devil you know than the devil you dont. You become accustomed to a certain lifestyle...you have security, both financially and emotionally to know you have a partner waiting for you. You may not love him/her, but you feel secure in a particular lifestyle....Striving to find the love of your life means taking risks. We may succeed, but we may also fail, and I think its the fear of failure and the inability to take risks that see us staying in an emotionally "stale" relationship. I personally would prefer to take the risk than to remain in a stale relationship. I know every situation is different and a lot of years have been put into raising kids and making your life financially comfortable. A lot of people will choose being comfortable over trying to find their ultimate emotional happiness. I guess it boils down to whether your conscience allows you to play a role. Me, personally, I would prefer to die trying than to settle for something that does not make me happy.
2007-02-23 02:45:01 · answer #10 · answered by rightio 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋