i cook clean wash dry iron and i even take his shoes and socks and pants off i even make sure that he has a hot drink waiting for him when he get home from work and our sexually relationship is fine but i can't understand why he keeps rising his voice to me and scaring me i just don't know what to do i have a 20 month old daughter can anyone help make my mind up what to do next.
2007-02-23 02:26:42 · 29 answers · asked by vanessa 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's not you that he's not happy with. It's himself that he's not happy with. He's taking his unhappiness out on you.
There could be any number of reasons why he's not happy with himself. It may have began with his childhood.
He needs to figure it out, then make changes for the better, concerning his attitutde and behavior.
2007-02-23 02:43:35 · answer #1 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please don't take this the wrong way - I don't mean to be insulting, but it sounds to me like you are a bit of a door mat. I dont know what culture you are from, but is it usual for a woman to take off her partner's shoes and socks? Why would you do that? Can't he do it himself? Is he too fat? Too lazy? Disabled?Isn't that over-doing it just a tad on your part? It sounds to me like he hasn't got that much respect for you as you have let things gradually slide a bit too far.
I would try being a little less obliging, be a little more your own person, if he shouts at you - shout back! It might shock him a little, but I think it would shock you even more.
Try to re-discover the person you were before you met him. She's in there somewhere. Maybe that's why your partner is unhappy as he's not sure where she's gone either & not many men like door mats.
And don't let him scare you.
And then there's the obvious one - talk to him about the way you are feeling.
2007-02-23 03:04:36 · answer #2 · answered by Bored at work 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe because u have made yourself a doormat for him. You take his shoes and socks off for him??? I'm sorry, but that is a little much. What does he do for u? When u go to that extreme men don't value u, they take advantage of u. Now he thinks he has total control of u, and can treat u however he likes. He is like the king, and u are the servant. You need to stand up to him and have a long talk. Let him know u do those things because u love him, but u won't be treated like that in return. He needs to see that u have some self-respect, and self-pride and are not going to be walked on. Be strong for u and your daughter.........u need to be treated much better than this.
2007-02-23 02:56:09 · answer #3 · answered by Amber 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound to be his "mother", "servant", but not his wife. Stand up for yourself, he obviously sees you as a pushover and has lost respect for you. His behaviour is of a pouting little boy complaining to his mother. This kind of relationship sounds is very unhealthy. In a good marriage there should be two adult people who have mutual respect for one another. . Can you see how your relationship with your husband does not include mutual respect, but it is only one sided? This is a problem that sooner or later will erupt when you find yourself unhappy, avoided and dissatisfied. You somehow lost yourself in this marriage. Your only focus seems to be on how to make your husband happy. He knows this and so he has his tantrums whenever you displease him. Look at a child that is used to getting his way, what does he do, he does what he can to get his way, screams, crys, stomps his feet, holds his breath. Your husband is behaving like a child and you are enabling him to do so. You need to stop playing this game with him and start demanding more respect for yourself. Start by being less dependant on him financially, emotionally to get your self esteem back on tract. Hope you try to do what is right for you. Best of luck to you!
2007-02-23 02:44:43 · answer #4 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Best advice would be get out! But you probably won't. Please just think about the effect this will be having on your daughter.
Good luck xx
P.S. Sounds to me like the problem is you've been doing too much and he has lost all respect for you. I mean would you respect someone who takes your shoes, socks & pants off?!?! I think not.
Find someone who will respect you as an equal!
2007-02-23 03:32:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men do not need a mother, a maid or a secretary. So if you keep on being all of those thinking that he will love you more, then you are WRONG, oh so wrong.
If youa re living wuth him and a child, then he may feel trapped and doesn;tknow how to get out of the situation. regardless og how good youtreat him, he will treat you like dirt, so maybe you get spooked away.
Don;t le him take yoru dignity away. If he doesn't want you, grap yoru child and go intead of imposing yourself if you are not welcome of if youa re unwanted.
Sorry
2007-02-23 02:35:50 · answer #6 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You see yourself as being good to him when you treat him like a king. Some men can handle that - some can't. He sees you as being submissive, not sweet, and therefore he has the right to treat you like crap because you'll take it.
Move out of the role you're in and take a new role in the home - AS LEADER. It's not mean, it will just keep you from getting your head bashed in, because that's on its way.
2007-02-23 02:35:18 · answer #7 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you think it was about you that attracted him to you in the first place ? Do you think you still demonstrate those things or has the child/family thing taken over your life ? Don't blame yourself - there is no 'fault' in this sort of situation - but as well as talking with your partner you can look inwards to find some possible solutions.
2007-02-23 02:34:54 · answer #8 · answered by misbehave4me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My God! Wat a woman, are you sure you are married... or a servant? Shouldn't he be doing to you what he does to you? Either he is dominant and like the power in making you feel inferior (machismo). If he is not cheating on you and you are happy with this style of relationship then go to counseling, he has some serious problem. If it's getting dangerous (it's already an abusive situation), leave.
2007-02-23 02:41:42 · answer #9 · answered by 235 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you're doing way too much for him. Stop blaming yourself and ask him why he's behaving this way, perhaps he hasn't realised that he's acting in this fashion so maybe if you bring it to his attention in a calm way, you two can have a conversation and work through the issues you obviously have.
2007-02-23 03:01:41 · answer #10 · answered by Sparkle80 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋