I know that divorce is frowned upon in religion. I know that only in the case of adultery are you encouraged to get a divorce. My issue is that my husband told me that he was attracted to this woman 3 weeks before he left for training, and when he went to Georgia for training (has been there for 4 months) hes fallen in love with her. He told me to file for divorce because he can't stand living with me. That I've become jealous and posessive, well, let me see he admitted to being in love with her and he was acting strange a week after being gone. Not only that he wanted to 'fix' things but by me forgiving and forgetting and still allow him the freedom to talk to her and hang out with her (they go clubbing together, calls her on the phone at 1something in the morning and travels to florida and other places with her, things he never did with the kids and myself.) since shes his best friend. His excuse is that she doesnt know he likes her.
2007-02-23 02:04:46 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
As i was saying he says she doesnt know but we women can tell when a guy is attracted to us, thing is she kinda knows shes the problem yet she doesnt back away. She accepts his calls and still goes out of town with him. He says that nothing has happened between them physically and it isnt going to because she disappointed him due to her sleeping with this guy (one night stand) and says that if she did it to her husband, she'll do it to him too. Smart man..yet he hangs out with her 24/7. He says to file irreconcilable differences on the divorce instead of adultery. That's my question though, he's failed me, wanting to be her friend than be my husband. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt that he hasnt slept with her, I know I've gotten the 'dont blind yourself' but I don't want to be quick to judge. But he is very deeply into her, his own words. What can I do? Will it still be frowned upon that I got divorced without adultery occuring? I don't want to carry that with me..
2007-02-23 02:10:02 · update #1
He's not in the military, he's in Customs. And is stationed in Georgia, while I'm at Texas.. anyway he kept beating around the bush so to speak at first. He told me a month ago how he felt for her. But ever since Nov. he's said that theyre just friends that its not like that. It's me making things up. And when I wanted to go see him on the holidays so the kids could spend time with him. He said that I shouldn't spend money on unnecessary things (900.00 dollars to go fly and see him was pointless) But 700.00 dollars on a weekend in Miami isn't. What's upsetting him is that his mom, brothers are on my side. I know it wont last for long because hes their family after all but they see that its him messing up.
2007-02-23 02:43:33 · update #2
That's just it, I don't know the problem myself. Before he left even the day I took him to the airport things were great. His family is as shocked as I am from his change of character all of a sudden. He started being weird and distant when he left, a week after he left..but then again he was attracted to her before they left to training just I guess getting to know her well has made the feelings stronger.
2007-02-23 02:46:58 · update #3
dump him, screw what anyone else thinks.
2007-02-23 02:08:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are far to trusting. I have seen a few affairs around me, and believe me when I say that he is almost certainly sleeping with her. Everything you said shows it, especially when he openly says that he wants a divorce, but doesn't want you to file as adultery, which is exactly what you should file it as. There is no possible way that a man would do all that he is doing and not be having sex with this woman. Don't stand by a man that treats you like a stupid naive girl. Make sure that he pays for destroying your life.
You did nothing wrong!
He is a very bad husband!
He promised to love, honor and cherish you.
He failed!
Now he is screwing another woman and wants you to quietly sneak out the back door so that he can have her sleeping in your bed!
He has destroyed your marriage. You have been a faithful wife, even with a neglectful careless husband. You should be rewarded for everything that he has put you through.
Please think carefully about this.
You have been a good wife.
He should be punished for treating you like this! It's unacceptable!
2007-02-23 02:29:06 · answer #2 · answered by A dad & a teacher 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This man is secure in knowing that you will always be there if and when he decides he wants to come home to you and the kids. Do not allow that!!! He wants to go,..... let him go. Sounds like he's a punk a** b**ch anyway, because he wants to leave the marriage and go with some other woman but won't file for divorce himself!!! Close the door and that chapter of your life and look forward not backwards!!! Don't think about anything else but the happiness of yourself and your kids. Good luck, and congratulations on your divorce in advance, it's long over due.
2007-03-03 01:01:26 · answer #3 · answered by Miss G. H. Etto 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. I have been threw that also. not in the exact same way but it all feels the same. I know you feel as if you should divorce him and just get it all over with. but please stop and think about it. he wants you to file for the divorce, why? I think what it sound like to me, is that he wants her, but she tells him no because he is married. that is why he is doing that. and I do believe she just may be telling you the truth. and the reason she goes to these places with him is because she does see it as him just being a friend.
But in time if it keeps going the way it is something will happen, because the longer she is with him the more she feels for him. and you know that old saying. when two people say they are good friends usably end up married.
But Please do not give him the divorce. if he wants the divorce tell him that he will have to file for it. If you believe in God. you know you should not anyway. so let him do it. that way you can say, you were not the one that got the divorce he was. and too, the longer you keep him from getting the divorce. and if that is what she is waiting for. do not give them the pleaser they want you to give to them. as long as he is married he can not marry her. and that is what he wants, do not let him have it. let him suffer. that way in time she will get tired of waiting, if that is what she is wanting for also. and she will leave him. because she will feel that relation ship is a dead end, and a waste of time....
I know the pain you are feeling, the best thing you can do is call your best friend and have her come over so you can have someone to talk too. it will help a lot knowing there is also someone there that cares. in time things will get better. I know that doesn’t seem true now, but it is. Time will heal. I know I went threw it. even though I am a male. but we all feel the same, we just do not like to show it.
I wish I could help, but call you friend please and please take care. I did all I can, your friend will have help you threw this.
Take care and God Bless You;
2007-03-02 10:33:06 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has committed adultery in his heart and probably in his loins. You deserve better than being treated like this. A divorce is the best solution. The fact that you have a Church and your faith will help you through the divorce. I hope. Do not share all of this information with everyone in your Church though. Find one person Priest? that you can confide in. Divorce support groups are a better forum for discussing your pain in greater detail. You would be surprised how many women in the Church think that divorce is contagious.
2007-03-02 17:02:15 · answer #5 · answered by newyorktilson 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let's see now;You say that your husband has told you that he loves another women and that this other woman doest know how he feels about her .Well I don't know bout all that ;But If my husband had told me that he was in love with another women,There would be no ifs ands nor buts about it I would be gone already.Why should you have to pay for the divorce and get things rolling since he is the one that cheated on you and told you that he loves this other women.You tell that sorry *** muther ****** to shell out the money for the divorce.What makes him think that you are going to pay for his **** up?If he don't want to pay for the divorce so be it don't get divorced but instead just separate cause things are not going to be the same since he has admitted to being in love with another.The reason why I say don't get divorce if he doesn't file and pay for it ,If anything should ever happen to him and you are still married you will be in titled to everything that he's got from money in the bank to his pension plan EVERYTHING.And she won't get ****.And of course in the end you will have the glory. Good luck.
2007-02-23 02:34:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you file on the grounds of adultery and he contest it (and he probably will, especially if he’s in the military, because he won’t want that following him), then you have to prove it (and you might have to prove it even if he doesn't contest it) There is nothing you’ve said that constitutes adultery. Adultery--in the eyes of the law--requires a physical relationship.
As far as your religious question…is the church going to kick you out if you get divorced and it isn’t granted on the grounds of adultery? Because… he can easily obtain a no-fault divorce, whether you agree to it or not.
2007-02-23 02:20:37 · answer #7 · answered by kp 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
LISTEN TO ME!!!! You better get those papers filed, but you best put this up there ADULTERY, ABANDONMENT AND ABUSE OF ANY KIND. I'm so upset I can hardly write. OPEN YOUR EYES. He has slept with her, he is building a life with her, you best file those papers and ask for childsupport and alimony. He's only telling you this so you won't file all this. Then you ask your lawyer about sueing her a$$ too and I think you can sue her with Abandonment of affection, meaning she knew he was married and she preceeded to take him from his family ( a peice of sh*t) He knows what he is doing. Go to his chain of command and speak to them about her and him. If that bi*ch is military they will court marchal her a$$ calling it IMMORAL ACT. You tell the pun# that you are gonna file for divorce, but don't you dare tell him what all you are gonna do. He'll never really want you, so don't fall for any plays of affection. He's sleeping with this girl and he have used you like you didn't have any feelings. Tell him WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND. I gotta go, I'm so angery I could spit fire. Let the boy keep traveling with her and doing all the things he didn't do with you and then think it's right to tell his wife all about the trips and talk to her with no respect for his wife, he will see a bad day and he will see it soon. The same way he did you, she will do worst to his little spineless @$$. Don't worry God will take away the hurt, just let him go and keep your moves to your self, go talk to a lawyer and his commander after the lawyer have told you what to do. DON"T TAKE HIM BACK. You can do GOOD and BAD by yourself.
2007-03-02 14:20:34 · answer #8 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He knows he did something wrong so he wants you to blame yourself since you do not want him around her. He is declineing his responseability as a Husband & a Father. I am sure you would want things to workout, but if he is being like this, is it really worth it? And him getting mad at you for hanging with her, is something he is doing only because he wants you to leave. He figures by doing all of this, you will leave. So I think its for the best that you leave & take the kids with you & let him have NO PART in your life or your kids lives. He does not deserve it. He is acting 2 years old. I wish you luck.
2007-02-23 02:18:19 · answer #9 · answered by xjalyn 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One...my dear....the "I'm not doing anything with her" is a crock. No man would make the effort to travel the distances he has, spend the time with her and whatever else and not being receiving some type of "compensation" for this...if you get my drift. So...your hubby is a lousy liar.
Get the divorce. He's made his feelings known. I have this strange feeling that you'll find you'll be better off without him. The best of luck to you my dear.
2007-02-23 02:48:13 · answer #10 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you can't argue with the truth, and the truth is he's moved on. File for divorce. I wish you the best of luck. Remember, TX will not allow you to sue for palimony, but you can get support while you're divorcing. I recommend you request for support from the court, stating that he has left you in such a mental state that you cannot possibly continue to live in the house you now reside in. Let him pay for you to move and new furniture.. Best to you.
2007-03-02 20:06:26 · answer #11 · answered by sansjazz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋