Should I give away my 13 y.o. daughter's puppy?

Question

My beloved daughter suffered the lost of her dog last summer and to make her happy I got her a puppy this Christmas. Since then our life is a living hell. My daughter's grades went down, her room is a mess, she seems to become more lazy than ever. I tried everything to motivate her to be more organized - help, money, taking away things, threat to take a dog away - nothing works. The answer is always: "I am doing it, mom" Months of patience now brings to the question: How cruel and wrong is it to give the puppy away in order to make her more organized?

Answer 1

I remember being a 13yr old girl WELL! It's just a phase. Yes, she is being impossible, but most are and if you speak to parents that say different more often than not they just dont want you to know what goes on behind closed doors.
I dont think you should take the puppy away. You have to find her currency. What I mean is what motivates her to do the correct things.Taking the puppy away is not only going to break her little heart, but more than likely cause even more rebelious behavior. After all you don't want to make her cry you just want her to listen. Can you afford an allowance? This is a big motivator for teen girls. Maybe make a chart of chores and behaviors that are expected and as each one is done tally it and if its neglected tally that as well. At the end of the week, sit down with her very short and sweet. Nothing long and drawn out or she'll probably dread it. You can also change the chart as you go along. The things you notice she doesnt want to do so badly that she is willing to do without the money make those worth more than the others that you dont have such confrontation with her about.
It takes some time to organize a chart and to re-organize it according to her responses, but it might just be a way to semi peace in the home. I know plenty of people that have done it and it worked great. If you cant afford allowance how about making the reward some type of activity or special privelege!! I use charts for my kids, ages 2,3,4 and 6 yrs. And remember you arent getting them with a bribe you are rewarding them for learning the behaviors that society will require them to have once they get out on their own!! Best of Luck.

Answer 2

Your daughter has many other issues. I would think drug and alcohol use is going on with that behavior. Don't blind yourself and say my daughter would never do that. Something is going on plus she is a 13 year old girl, that's a nightmare by itself. The answer is not to get rid of the family pet. What are you thinking on that idea? Horrible idea. That puupy didn't choose your family, you chose them. In doing so you jumped in with both feet taking on the responsibility to take care of the pet for that pets lifetime. The dog did nothing wrong so why would you throw out the dog for your daughters bad behavior? If you use that reasoning, it should be your daughter that you should get rid of. Pretty shocking conclusion to a problem when you look at it from that point of view I hope. So the answer is to get your daughter professional help and leave the puupy alone. The puppy does nothing but love you, show the puppy some love in return, espcially after this idea.

Answer 3

It has nothing to do with the puppy, and taking it away will always just make everything worse. She is thirteen, right? Thats the age that teens usually start acting like this, and it probably would have happened even if you haddent givven her the puppy. It would be cruel to give the puppy away, first of all, its bad to buy a puppy as a gift, she should have been part of the whole planning process, and when you bought that puppy, YOU committed to take care of it until it gets old and dies, you cant just abandon it as a way to punish your daughter, its cruel to your daughter, and too the puppy. I dont think this has anything to do with the dog, just try to be as kind and supportive as you can, and hopefuly she'll get over this stage before she's 18 haha. She's a teen, get used to it. By the way, i was also like your daughter, i have to admit, in eighth grade, i got b's in all my classes, and even one c, but then in ninth grade my grades went back up to A's and only one B. She'll be fine, just love her and support her as much as you can.

Answer 4

I don't believe the puppy is the problem here.
She is only 13. Most teenagers have a messy room , I know I did at that age. I'm worried about her dropping grades, is she happy?
Maybe she feels suffocated. I would make sure she has no problems at school and give her some space to grow up. A few clothes on the floor isn't the end of the world is it?
As for the puppy, make sure you are treating that how you should and don't blame everything on it.

Answer 5

That's pretty cruel. That puppy is now a family member. Also, do you want that to be one of the big memories your daughter has of her childhood?
Take t.v. time away, cell phone away, computer time away. Keep computer out of her room. Home work done at kitchen table. Do you have a homework time?
13 is the beginning of one of the hardest times in your daughters life. Tons of swimming hormones. Sounds like something else is going on. Does she get enough sleep? Has she changed friends? I would try and figure out whats going on with her, I'm sure the puppy doesn't occupy all of her time and isn't to blame for the change in her. How often do the two of you have close talks? Go out to lunch, just the two of you? Keep close to her during this time in her life. I wouldn't take the puppy away, I think that would really put a wall between the two of you and right now, you need to stay as close to her as you can. Peers are getting into drugs/boys, parties, no, she needs a close relationship with her mother right now. Hang in there.

Answer 6

I dont think you should give the puppy away just for the fact that a cat or dog makes a kid feel loved because unlike friends if she does somthing wrong the dog will still be there and love her. but i do think you need to do somthing try not letting her go any where tell her room is clean. I am 17 and my mom never has let me leave tell i had my room cleaned so to get what i wanted i had to clean it in the end i got to go out with my friends and have fun and my mom was happy i cleaned my room. So everyone was happy well i hope i helped

Answer 7

well first off giving a 13 year old girl the full responsibility of a puppy would cause her to not be able to handle it. you should realize that you would be the one training it, and doing most of the work associated with it.

if you do decide to give the puppy away call up a local shelter. puppies (any dog under a year) are usually in the highest demand.

if you give this puppy away to someone besides a shelter make sure it is someone who has the time and money to devote to an animal. do not give your daughter another animal. let her get one when she moves out of the house when she is an adult.

Answer 8

I very seriously doubt that this will make a big difference in her attitude. My daughter was like that, and nothing, absolutely nothing motivated her to do what you she was supposed to. I grounded her, took away privileges, her allowance, her phone, going any place on the weekend, you name it we did it. This went on for 3 years. Her room in the meantime was a pit. She lived in virtual filth. I would take her clean clothes to her closet to only find them down in the floor when she tried them on and threw them on the floor. She would take food and leave the dishes on the floorfor days. You couldn't walk in her room without stepping on stuff. After driving ourselves totally nuts over it, we gave up and shut her door to her room. We later found out she was clinically depressed. I am not saying your daughter is, but maybe losing her other dog plus the fact that she is having a change in hormones due to being a teenager, could be something deeper than what it seems like. Teens these days have peer pressure unlike anything we could possibly imagine because of the sex issues and feeling unsafe at school due to other students. There are probably reasons you may need to find out about.

Answer 9

I do not think that the issues you are having with your daughter are dog related. There are many other possible causes, especially since she is 13. Is she having difficulty at school, having problems with friends, going through puberty?

A puppy can be a source of unconditional love and understanding which can be helpful for a teenager. They also are helpful in teaching responsibility. I fear that giving away the dog will have the opposite effect than what you desire.

Answer 10

If you think she is hard to deal with now,just wait until the puppy is gone.I don't think you are cruel,just a frustrated mom.I can relate...I have a daughter a little younger than yours and she was very much the same.As you have discovered threats don't ever work.When children get to this age things become so much more difficult for them as well as their parents because they aren't little kids and they aren't adults either.They are stuck in the middle somewhere,which is very confusing for them and very frustrating for us.My advise to you is to talk to her.I don't mean have a talk with her,I mean learn to communicate with each other.Which is easier said than done.Tell her what is bothering you concerning her behaviour and allow her to tell you what is bothering her.I have found talking things out is alot easier for everyone involved and causes less stress.The more stress she causes you the more you will try to find a punishment that works which causes her more stress and in turn cause her to rebel or misbehave even more.I hope this helps.