My first husband was murdered after 12 years of marriage he was my soul mate. with that being said, would it be inappropiate for me to ask a future husband for us to be laid to rest in plots near him. only of course if the circumstances of my future husband would allow this.
2007-02-23 01:08:14 · 47 answers · asked by deedee2qu 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't think so.
For one, your husband was killed. You didn't leave him for cheating or anything like that. You loved him dearly, and like you say - he was your soul mate. Two, it wasn't your choice or his not to be together anymore. Something tragic happened, and that is what caused you two to be apart.
So no, I don't think it's unreasonable or inappropriate. It's a burial ground, not a family vacation. I do think you should tell your future husband your plans before you marry him though. If you keep it from him and spring it on him after you two have tied the knot, he may be very much against it.
Hope this helped and wish ya the best!
2007-02-23 01:12:59 · answer #1 · answered by ♥LadyC♥ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course, it's appropriate. The man is dead and there should not be any insecurities involved with his memory. 12 years is a long time to be with someone. He should understand. However, your future husband may change your mind about it. If you don't have a man in your life at present, I'm sure the bond between you and your deceased husban is all you have right now. A new man in your life could somewhat replace that, not take your feelings away but possibly your need to be buried beside him. I'd wait for a new relationship to develop and if it leads to marriage, weigh it out then.
2007-02-23 02:06:43 · answer #2 · answered by georgiarose_01 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course not. But you'll have to be prepared for a potential long discussion on the subject. On one hand, sure you have to acknowledge the past, and your past with your former husband in the creation of today's you. On the other hand, there's the issue of you and future husband forging a new, bright future together.
It really depends on where you guys stand life-after-death-wise. But asking isn't inappropriate, just like future husbands' resistance to the idea wouldn't be inappropriate.
2007-02-23 01:18:45 · answer #3 · answered by Ryan 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop even thinking about death right now hun. You have been through enough. Just focus on what you have right now and understand your last husband is smiling over you both and is happy. Its way too early to even think about things like "the day you die".. When the time is right, there wont be any problem with your wishes. But for now, dont think of it. The 2 of you have a wonderful night tonight and snuggle up together and have fun. Thats what life is all about.
Keep smiling and take care.
2007-02-23 01:16:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any man you marry is going to understand why you feel the way you do. And any man that truly loves you will do anything for you to be in peace. Also, why don't you ask your future husband to by a plot next to yours, so you'll be by the both of them. That way he doesn't feel left out. Also I am really sorry for your loss and I wish you the best in life.
Take care.
2007-02-23 01:12:58 · answer #5 · answered by Chrystal 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely not inappropriate. You should discuss your feelings to your future husband and talk about this decision. I can definitely understand where you are coming from. If something were to happen to my husband I would want to be buried beside of him, even if i were to remarry.
2007-02-23 01:29:33 · answer #6 · answered by kelynn1985 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd bet he wouldn't care. My mother is laying next to my father because this is what she wanted. Her second husband fully understood and helped us make the arrangements. My step-father knew how much my mother loved my father, but she loved her second husband too, just in a different way. Not a problem for them. Talk to your future husband and see how he feels about this. If he objects, of course, don't persue the subject any further.
2007-02-23 01:15:18 · answer #7 · answered by smcdevitt2001 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's actually pretty common for a widow to be buried near her 1st and 2nd husband and vice-versa. Is it possible to buy the next 2 plots beside your 1st husband? You can be in the middle.
There's a Dear Abby letter about this where a man is going to be buried between his 2 wives and he says "but tilt me towards Tillie"
2007-02-23 01:11:40 · answer #8 · answered by Nasubi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's a totally appropriate request. Of course your future husband would have to agree with it but, I'm sure the guy you marry will be understanding of this.
I'm sorry for your loss.
2007-02-23 01:17:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married for 14 years to my first love. But when he died it was time to move on. I would no way in hell ever ask my 2nd husband to be buried anywhere near my ex--nor would I want him to ask me to be buried near either of his ex's.
If you have not moved on from your first husband than do your future husband a favor and postpone the wedding until you do.
2007-02-23 01:47:11 · answer #10 · answered by lookingfor_mrrightnow 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋