My boyfriend is still legally married. We've been together almost 4 years and it's upsets me it doesn't bother him enough to make it a priority to get rid of her. I got divorced right away. I just don't like the idea that he still has a wife. This is one of our repeated arguments and I feel hurt by his lack of concern or interest in my feelings. Why do you think he hangs on? Would any other women out there feel this way? I even suggested moving out for 6 months so he could evaluate how he really feels about me. That didn't seem to bother him. I want to be his wife but if he doesn't respect my wishes, maybe I should just move on. When he first moved in with me, he told me I was his wife then. I feel like I was cheated out of all the things he did for his wife and not me. Why did he marry her? I just feel hurt.
2007-02-23 00:51:18 · 25 answers · asked by meganzopf 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I actually agree with almost every answer. the truth hurts. I met Chris in a chat room, A.R.E. We had a mutual friend who was into native american beliefs. She is also a RN. I was working in the medical profession at that time as well. Chris and I joined her group. He emailed her and asked her for my email address so he could get to know me. She sent me that email and I agreed. I wasn't divorced yet but was headed that way. I had a long marriage to an alcoholic and when he retired he went off the edge completely. He is 17 years older than me. Chris's wife had just left him. He had lost his job, started his own business that failed so she just left after they were married for about 3 years. He took off and drove across the country with his lap top computer and we chatted several times for a few months. When he decided to go back to SC to where he lived, his wife had all his belongings moved out of his rental and his home was already rented out again to someone else. He ended up in jail.
2007-02-23 07:58:39 · update #1
So while he was in jail, he emailed his mother to email me to let me know what happened. I wrote to him while he was in jail. Chris was inocent, no doubt. He lived with his sister for a few months then I decided to invite him here. I don't know why except I was lonely and he seemed interested in me. Yes, that picture is me. My x took it and I emailed it to Chris. He did not work for the first year. My son got him a job cause I ended up sick and I left the job I was at for a few months. I did things the wrong way right from the start. I just wanted someone to love me. I have been loyal right along. I never wanted anyone here to think he's a horrible person. He has to go bankrupt and then he said he'll get divorced. He knows I don't feel comfortable living like this. I have men hitting on me all the time. That means nothing to me. I told him to ask other women how they would feel if they were me. But once again, I made the mistake of lowering my standards and now he has excuses.
2007-02-23 08:09:58 · update #2
Not ever being loved has hurt me dearly. I am a caregiver. I am back in the medical world again as an office manager for one of the top 100 Ophthalmologists in the world. I am well liked and respected overall. But my low self esteem has put me in situations such as this one and once again, I am to be blamed. I believe in marriage. I am from the old school when it comes to loyalty and commitment. Sure I have some faults but everyone on this planet does. He said he spent his whole life looking for his twin soul and was that person. He should feel comfortable here. I have helped him a lot. He has a decent job now and a new car because of my credit. And yes, because I am not his chosen wife, I get nothing.Not even a phone call if something happened to him. Even if I drop dead, my kids would be the ones who bury me. So all this is craziness to me. I will have to set goals by myself and for myself.I just can't make any sense out of any of it. I care way too much. He is blind or stupid.
2007-02-23 08:24:03 · update #3
Sweetie, I can understand how you feel. First its a big mistake for going behind a married man. They think they are stuck with some wife and then get it on with another woman. Okay: he left her and is not yet broken up, and that shows he s not in a hurry as you say. Its always a success to make a man run after you. Have you not noticed when you ignore a man he always wants more of your attention? Married men are very insecure. More than a single man. They think they know it all. Its sad but they are really very second hand. They become very egositic after a point of time. Please make a chance to move out and learn to be independent. Then meet some stud boys and do some dating. Is that your pic near your question? I can see you look very pretty and have a nice figure. Married Men want to have their cake and eat it too. I know so many men in India who have arranged marriage and have affairs outside sometimes even for love. But they can never break away from the threads of their first marriages. Why? Coz they have experienced it all before. Ofcourse we have many people who marry divorced people no doubt but with your mentality it shows he is not in a hurry as much as you. You dont shoulder much of the past but he might. So first
respect yourself
next, maybe move out and be smart, change your looks and change your personality,
become non clingy and non whiny and become passionate and sexy and independent.
finally play hard to get and leave him be. Then you can be sure of the love and if this love was always meant to be.
I sincerely wish you the best in life since pretty pricesses need to have priceless princes. Bye
2007-02-23 01:01:06 · answer #1 · answered by MafiaGal 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I once heard a story about free milk and a cow...
Listen, he is not committed to you. First, he showed a lack of respect for you by letting you move in without the commitment of marriage. Then he showed a lack of respect for your feelings by not ending the marriage. Finally, he didn't even seemed to care when you suggested moving. So basically, you are still having an affair with a married man even though he's living with you.
It is time for you to move on and find someone that will love you for you.
2007-02-23 00:59:44 · answer #2 · answered by Carl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He didn't really cheat you - you cheated yoruself. When you guys moved in together, you knew that he was still married, yet you did it anyway. Of course he's not going to be motivated to get a divorce! He has his cake and he can eat it too.
You deserve better than that. Four years is much too long - he had a long enough time to get a divorce and he hasn't. I hate to say this, but you need to be strong and move on.
Good luck!
2007-02-23 00:59:16 · answer #3 · answered by YSIC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where is your self respect? He is not going to make a move because he doesn't feel that you are worth the effort. I mean think about it. If you were with someone who basically met your needs, and you have a roof over your head why change anything. He doesn't want to marry you, he doesn't want to get a divorce, and if he could care less about you moving out then move on.
2007-02-23 00:57:14 · answer #4 · answered by Lisa D 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Time to make your stand, he can not hang you in limbo and if he cared about you he would divorce. The man is still married and it can be for many reasons, but somehow he sees and advantage to stay married.
Were you the other woman? If so, what goes around comes around. He sounds like a guy who only cares about himself.
Seek counseling or move out, but you need to make a decision.
Good luck.
2007-02-23 01:02:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
man what a creep. why not divorce her if its over.they say alot of married guys go back i did. i cheated on my wife for six months i 36 the woman i i was messing with was 20. i left my wife lived with the 20 year old for a year i have a daughter with her who is now 14. thing did not work out my wife took me back we got remarried i also have two sons with my wife 20 and 18. i call it male menopause at 36 im so glad my wife took me back
2007-02-23 01:00:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to make him choose.
You are doing all the work of being his wife with none of the protections. You wouldnt even be able to see him in the hospital and she would, unless you have paperwork filled out. You would lose everything if he passed on.
He's being totally disrespectful of both of you and you need to take your life back and if he won't get on the stick, being alone would be better than being disrespected.
2007-02-23 00:58:23 · answer #7 · answered by NinaFromNewEngland 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He just doesn't want to go through the hassle of the procedures it takes to get a divorce.
He isn't interested in his "wife" and I doubt she is interested in him.
So if the situation he has now is working, why mess with it.
If you really feel strongly, you will need to tell him he needs to get the divorce.
If he doesn't, he needs to get out until he does.
But, my feeling is, he is holding off on the divorce because you want to get married.
And I'm betting he isn't interested in getting married again, even though he wants to be with you.
you guys will have to talk that out.
2007-02-23 01:05:25 · answer #8 · answered by Mr R 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Four years is a long time. If he knows its hurting you, and has not gotten a divorce for that long, he is not going to advocate for your feelings ever. Especially if he has no good reason to keep the marriage legally intact. You deserve better.
2007-02-23 00:55:32 · answer #9 · answered by GratefulDad 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why would you allow this to go on for 4 years?? he hasn't gotten a divorce because he doesn't want to and probably has no intentions on it why i don't know but I'd lay down the law either you get the divorce or I'm gone and if he still refuses leave his *** and find someone who appreciates you!!
2007-02-23 01:40:38 · answer #10 · answered by bellababi44 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋