My bf and I are great together and we love eachother very much. We have been together for 8 months and just bought a home together. he is a divorsed father with an adorable 3yr son, but we just found out we are pregnant and it cought us by surprise!! We are both profesionals, but Im still finishing school and he is worried we wont be able to do "couple" things any more. He is upset because now he has to worry about child support for his 1st son, work harder for whats coming up (our baby), giving up some of the things he wanted, having to tell his very religious family that he got his gf pregnant out of wedlock, and that now he wont get to spend enough time enyoing "us." I know he's worried- so am I, but I already love the baby!! I can't help but wonder- Will he change his mind about us? I want him to be happy, and the last thing I want is to put him in unwanted situation. Should I stay and see what happends? or should I just leave and avoid him all of this? I am very unprepared.
2007-02-23 00:27:30 · 17 answers · asked by miss1983 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I'm sorry, i forgot to say something that is kind of important- I was on birthcontrol for about 3 years and I was told by my doctort that because of my uterus it would be hard to get pregnant. I am 24 and I did not want to bring a baby in the world without the right setting- so this was really a surprise!! But I think the baby is a miracle and i cant get rid of it- I LOVE IT. Thanks for all your comments, I really appreciate it!!
2007-02-23 01:56:13 · update #1
He sounds kind of like a jerk. It sounds to me like he's worried about himself more. Maybe he will get used to being a Dad to your child,maybe he won't. It won't hurt to try for the child's sake for a little while and see how it goes. If things go really bad, you can just leave. Do NOT marry him just because you get pregnant either! It can make things a lot harder if you break it off. If I were you I wouldn't marry him for a long time until you know he loves you and your child. I wish you all the best, hon. Perhaps things will work out for the best!
2007-02-23 01:06:33 · answer #1 · answered by yomama23 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is religious, then he will realize that God has a plan and there is a reason why this child has come into his life. If you have family support, you will still be able to do some "couple" things together. Raising a child is very, very difficult, but if you both accept what is happening and turn to one another and your friends and family for support, you will make it through. I'd say you're approaching it with the right attitude. He needs to change his. The way he is acting is not going to make things any easier and he cannot change the fact that this child is going to come into the world unless you both opt for an abortion (and it sounds like that might not be an option for either of you).
People get pregnant out of wedlock all the time.... even good, religious people. We are human! What makes the difference is how we respond to things and whether we pull together and get strong or pull apart.
I hope you do not end up having to raise the child alone, but if you do, there are many supports groups in your local community. Don't be shy about turning to as many groups for help as you need. Motherhood is the toughest job on earth!
2007-02-23 01:13:09 · answer #2 · answered by shanequinox 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is flipping out about telling his family he really needs to lay off the crack..... Hello you bought a home together...... that means you are living together. If your so in love why not get married, then they will at least know in their eyes " you did the right thing". I think its silly to buy a home with a person your not married too.
You can work and save until the baby is nearly hear. That will take some pressure off him. He knew having sex with you COULD make a baby. Yes he has to pay support. But many men do it all the time.
Big deal if he has to give things up. That's called being a parent. I have 2 kids and 1 on the way...... After you have kids you dont do alot of COUPLE things..... they turn into FAMILY things. I take my kids everywhere and they have a great time.
If he is old enough to be divorced he should be old enough to have priorities and the children come first.
2007-02-23 00:44:28 · answer #3 · answered by tammer 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all congratulation!! I am so glad to hear that you are not going to abort. Adoption could be an option, but you say you want this baby- which is so wonderful to hear. If your bf loves you like he says he does, then he will come around. When you bought the house together, he was saying he wanted to be with you- but just in case, he decides he still does not want the baby now- start out by telling him you understand how he is feeling- but that because you were told that you would never get pregnant that this is a miracle. See what happens- I counsel women who are pregnant so I see women like you all the time- the bf loves them but it is not the right time for a baby- most of the bfs do come around, but if he doesnt- you have that baby to think about. If you want to "talk" more email me,
2007-02-23 03:03:16 · answer #4 · answered by AdoreHim 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your bf sounds very very selfish. Why should you leave and bear all the responsibility yourself...and it's not fair to the baby. The baby needs a father. Listen..I'm the type of person that i could live totally just me and my son. My bf gets on my nerves so bad that sometimes i just wished he would go away. but it wouldn't be fair to my son. He needs his father. If your bf is so worried about it, he should have thought about it before he made the baby. I would rather do things as a family than go out with my bf alone. I just love being around my son. Give it some time and see what happens. At least finish school if you can. It's hard being a single parent and you and oyur child deserve his support and attention. Tell him to get over himself.
2007-02-23 00:51:44 · answer #5 · answered by cinnycinda 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's a difficult situation, you both seem to have a nice life and are both professionals and seem to be ready to make a good life...what I don't understand is, why did you not take care of yourself? You sound like a smart girl, the deed is done and the baby is here and I can't imagine thinking about any other choices. Then again, I am not the person who this is happening to. You both need to talk long and hard about all this. Now there is another life at stake and it makes things more difficult to decipher. I wish you the best and do what you feel is best for you. Don't do something you will later regret!
2007-02-23 00:35:43 · answer #6 · answered by earthstarlatin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! I feel for you and I am going to be brutally honest with you--"bf" sounds incredibly immature. He is afraid to tell his family that he impregnated his live-in girlfriend? He is concerned that the baby will cheat him out of "couple time?' He doesn't want to work hard to support his current and future children?
While most people facing an unplanned pregnancy would be concerned about these things, the worries should be fleeting and should not obscure the happiness and excitement of bringing a new life into the world.
I am not going to advise you to walk out just yet--this is the father of your baby and you said you love him. He does need a reality check, however! I would urge him to see a counselor. If he won't go, perhaps you should go alone.
(Oh, if you are living together, his very religious family has figured out that you are having sex. That you are pregnant won't be that big of a shock to them. Chances are they aren't crazy about his divorce, either.)
Godspeed!
2007-02-23 00:47:43 · answer #7 · answered by museumdoll 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is nothing you will want to read. You should have dated at least a year and a half, gotten married, then have sex. The two of you should have known what you want from this relationship and he should be focusing on his child with financial support and being involved in his son.
If you were to call Dr. Laura she would most likely advise you to give this baby up for adoption to a married couple who can raise this child in a loving home with a Mom and a Dad.
You have only done what so many people do in our country and the children pay for it.
I wish you the best of luck in your decisions. Please make the unborn child your primary consideration.
2007-02-23 00:44:36 · answer #8 · answered by retyred2003 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, this is always a hard situation. I dont beleive in just giving up the baby nopr do i beleive in abortion. He needs to grow up and take actions for what he does. He has one kid he knows what it's like and also what happens when you don't use protection. If I was you I would make sure you and the baby can make it on your own with help from your parents or others who love and care about you. Then when he decides to step up to the plate you set the rules, and tell him how it is going to be. He would be smart to stay with you other wise you can go after him for child support for this child and he will be screwed! Catch my drift? You can contact me if you want to talk about anyhing.
2007-02-23 00:40:24 · answer #9 · answered by Nancy Lou 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he is worried about telling his family he created a baby out of wedlock than maybe the two of you should have thought about that before you had sex. it is not this baby's fault you got pregnant and your boyfriend needs to step up and realize that working hard and paying child support is a part of life, dont let him off the hook by leaving you are only hurting you unborn child in the long run. depriving him or her of a parent becuase you two had sex and now he's scared is not fair. yes he will get over it and i am sure his family wil too.
you two need to seriously talk about this. i dont think you will get all the answers here!
2007-02-23 00:38:07 · answer #10 · answered by puppy love 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋