to her fiance about her past sexual experiences because she thinks that her soon to be husband would not marry her if he knew the truth.....is this being manipulative and deceptive in order to marry the guy? After marriage, how should the man feel if he finds out that his wife was not truthful?
2007-02-23 00:24:06 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you should not worry about it. What happened before you met has absolutely nothing to do with you. Just tell her you love her no matter what but she needs to be truthful with you always.
2007-02-23 00:28:53 · answer #1 · answered by Micki 1 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Yes i feel this is deceitful and that she should be honest and truthful about it to him because someday the truth will come out anyways. If the guy is the right guy for her the past will not matter because it is just the the past. The guy also should be honest with her about all of his past relationships as well. the husband and or wife of course would be hurt and upset if they found out the truth after marriage instead of before . This is why it is very important to be honest and up front about everything before marriage. That way there is alot less problems and surprizes afterwards. Whether people like this or not Honesty is the best policy.
2007-02-23 01:01:15 · answer #2 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This information is not anyone's business. All that should matter is the note from the doctor that she is clean and healthy. However, she should not lie about it. If asked she should only be required to say that she is clean and healthy (with proof). Likewise if she asks him, that is all he is required to say/prove.
How truthful would you rather her be? "Well, I've been with 50 men. First there was Bob, he was a sweet guy but we were so young and inexperienced that it was over before it began. Then there was Steve. His curved to the right and could hit spots that could make me howl. Shame he was such a jerk, I ditched him pretty quick. Then was....." You see, nobody really wants to know the truth, some things are best left in the past and untold.
2007-02-23 01:08:09 · answer #3 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Actually, I do not think that being truthful has anything to do with fulldisclosure on past sexual experiences. Whether she had sex 50 times with one man or 25 times with 5 different men, should not matter as long as she's healthy! In some ways, I think that insisting that one's spouse disclose every detail about the past, is or at least can be used for manipulation. Have I told my lover about my past sexual experiences? Most of them, but only because it came up, not because I felt he needed to know. I don't know about every detail from my lover's past and I have no need to know the exact number of sexual partners or whatever. I know he loves me and I love him and that love includes trust. That's all that really matters.
2007-02-23 00:42:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If the man loves her, her prior sexual experiences should not be an issue at all.
They guy is the one being manipulative in trying to get the information as it has no bearing on the relationship now.
The woman should not have lied about, she should say that it should not be and an issue and it if it is, maybe you both should re-think the whole marriage idea.
If the woman lied to him, of course, the guy is going to be upset and feel betrayed and he is going to have to decide if he can get past it as he likely pushed her into the lie in the first place.
Men who are obessed with how many partner's their women have had in the past usually have huge self-esteem issues totatally unrelated to their partner and they use the information not only to make their partner feel guilty and bad, but to justify their sense of worthlessness in picking an unworthy partner.
2007-02-23 00:35:40 · answer #5 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think manipulative and deceptive are too strong of an emotional label for something like that. It could be she's ashamed of it. It could be she was fearful of losing her fiance if he discovered the truth.
However, lying, in my opinion is not ever justified. If I were in that position, I would confront her about it, then try to read the signs of what emotions she goes through to determine the next course of action.
2007-02-23 00:30:39 · answer #6 · answered by bayeauxguy 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The past has passed. This question reveals a relatively shallow and immature nature, in my opinion.
Character and Attitude are what are important over the long haul. If you go dredging through the past to discover fault in your mate, then I'm sure you're going to find a reason to end that relationship.
The important thing to know, however, is who they are now. Everybody makes mistakes, but not all of them learn from their mistakes. A person of good character who maintains a positive attitude has learned from their mistakes and knows they must forge ahead and adapt to changing circumstances because that's what life is really all about.
And by the very nature of this question, I have to wonder if you are missing the point.
2007-02-23 00:53:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
what's past is past. why should it bother the man? don't you think that even the girl would be thinking if the guy has had past sexual experiences? anyways you marry a person because you feel at home with each other. because you complete each other. what does past sexual experience has got to do with anything? come on... it's 2007! anyways, past sexual experiences give one time to experiment and gain sexual experiences all to excite and satisfy one's partner! :)
2007-02-23 00:42:35 · answer #8 · answered by betrayed 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Does it really matter? Will men be really truthful under similar circumstances? The best course of both of them is not to bother about the past of the other.
2007-02-23 00:47:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should ask yourself if you seem aproachable enough for her to share that with. Do you make her feel secure enough to know that no matter what happens you will always love her? If you answered no to any of this then she is hiding things from you because she is ashamed of her past and wants to protect the relationship you share. Besides, it made her who she is today and she will tell you eventually. Im sure that you have something youre hiding too.
2007-02-23 00:34:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
The past is the past. It's best left there. Why worry about things like this when you really should be looking to the future.
Whoever she was with and how many, shouldn't bother you and, if it does, think twice about marrying her.
2007-02-23 00:36:47 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋