I am so ashamed. I need advice from people who do not know me!?

Question

Im a 24 year old female, I've been married for 5 months but I dont enjoy sex with my husband.Therapy or seeing a Psychologist is not an option right now, so your advice would be greatly appreciated.While growing up I was constantly molested by female nannies and maids.But I've NEVER been attracted to girls and never had any crushes etc on girls. I grew up as a normal teenager and had several boyfriends and crushes.Then I met my husband and I've been in love with him ever since. I really mean it. I love him a lot and we got married but the sex is horrible. I dont know whether it's my fault. I have difficulty getting aroused etc.
A few years backI had sex ( by sex I dont really mean sex, but kind of like heavy petting) with another female friend of mine, and Im so ashamed to say that I actually liked it. But thats all, I never felt any emotion towars her and I felt really sick after the entire episode. I really want to have a normal health loving relationship with my husband.please help

Answer 1

maybe you try and tell your husband this problem and that would help. but since you won't have him do some heavy petting, before, or simply tell him you need foreplay.

Answer 2

I don't believe that anyone is totally 100 percent straight. Now the levels in which we all feel attraction towards someone of the same sex may be different. some can look at another girl and think.. she's hot or attractive and it is purely a visual appreciation, and for some there are sexual thoughts but not wanting to act, and others have sexual thoughts and yearning desires to express it towards someone of the same sex. either way it is noticing a sexual attractiveness of someone. You may have gay tendencies that are not natural, it was imposed on you at a young age, therefore you're conflicted with what you feel you should be and what you really are. You should feel no shame, being molested was NOT your fault, but it may have opened your sexuality up at an early age to make you have feelings that are stronger than what they normally would be for u. If you love your husband, thats all that matters because who you love is who you want to MAKE love to... everything else can be honestly spoken about openly and maybe even used in the bedroom between you both to satisfy each others "other" needs. bottom line is.. be open and honest, and have a take it or leave it frame of mind. if he loves you he'll understand. And frankly kissing someone or anything of the same sex shouldn't be thought of as gross unless you were taken advantage of. afterall if you partook it was because you were into something.. and you expressed love or lust towards someone else.. and them u.. we're all just human bodies.. that need love.

Answer 3

You need to calm down and stop stressing yourself out. The more you stress, the harder and worse it will be.
Do you know why you dislike sex with your husband? Does he satisfy you? If not, then why not buy some toys and dvd's and explore, be honest with him. I am sure he knows something is wrong. With regards to the female kiss you had, this could be something that you are thinking about because you are unhappy at the moment and you could be looking for a way out. Or it could be that you are curious and wonder what this could be like?
If I were you, I would be honest with your husband and work on it together, you have only been married for 5 months and you have your whole lives ahead of you.
Good Luck, I hope you manage to sort things out.

Answer 4

You may have to teach your husband how you like to be touched and where and when, etc., etc.. You don't have to make teaching him into a "crash-course-lesson" per se, but just give him a helping hand from time to time.... a word or two, "here" "there", an "ooh," or a small adjustment of his movements, the pressure and placement of his touch.. Get him to use his hands, fingers, mouth or 'whatever' in ways that tend to feel good to you and have him do it all only when and how you want it. Do this and I believe, little by little, you'll discover that having sex with him "your way" is a much more enjoyable experience than what you've described has been (not) happening.

Remember this, too, sex between married couples is always a give and take path of small changes, new discoveries - it all just gets better and better when you want it to.... and it sounds to me that you want it to.

Good luck and have fun.

()()() r u randy? ()()()
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Answer 5

Short of counseling, I am not sure what you want people to tell you. You already know that you are in need of some counseling to deal with the issues of your childhood. I am very sorry that this happened to you. And you should not feel ashamed about anything in life. All experiences are a learning experience. The good the bad and the ugly. What happened to you as a child was not your fault, as a child you have no control over what self serving, sick individuals may have forced upon you. Good luck to you I hope you do seek out some professional help. God bless****

Answer 6

Well in one word, FOREPLAY. But reading your whole post, I'd even go as far as leaning towards BI-sexual. And the thought may turn you off to some degree so you deny it. But look at it in a realistic type way. You said it yourself, you ENJOYED it. But is there foreplay in your marriage or is it just a wam. bam, thank you mam type sex with your husband. THIS can also be at least part of the problem. SEX is NOT always what it is cut out to be. I mean we ALL like to say Oh yeah it was soooo GREAT, But in reality it isn't ALWAYS GREAT. If I were you I'd look at experimenting some. Maybe like as in a threesome, you, your husband, and maybe this female you had a fling with. Naturally talk with your husband first but hey give it a shot. Hope it works out for you, Good Luck.

Answer 7

Are you and your husband directly into sex? Anyway there is so many things in sex. Bathing together makes you comfortable with your partner. Try that. Have you gone anywhere with your partner for a holiday. Holiday tend to release those tensed strings between you both. And of course Foreplay. It really brings to person into the mood to explore more. Then go into sex. Of course, if it doesnt help, explain it to your partner. It is very important your partner knows you are facing a problem in this. And if it is really nessesary see a doctor. Good Luck.

Answer 8

slow down, take a deep breath, relax, and think about it for a minute.

You are in Love with your husband right? Well, I'll bet that he's in love with you also, it's pretty much a given.

Here's what you do. Have a glass of wine with your dinner, not alot, just one glass. After you have both eaten, sit there for a few minutes and just talk. Start to talk about small things that are not important. Continue to do this ALL the time, and encourage your husband to do the same.

See, you really need to talk to him about this, and I mean REALLY. Together, it should be nothing to overcome, but he NEEDS to know how you feel and what you are thinking. This is the perfect time to start to build a solid base of communication with your new spouse. Trust me on this, you are both in the newly wed stage, so it should be easy after you start the talk.

Answer 9

Probably what you enjoyed with another female was her gentleness and slow foreplay. Why don't you suggest with your husband the things you enjoyed with the female. A fun way to do this (so he won't feel threatened) is to give him coupons for say, giving you a backrub, a 5 min. exploration of your naked body with only his lips, etc. Usually a guy in his 20's is more concerned with trying to make it last more than 2 minutes -- let him focus on you.

Answer 10

It is very possible that since you have been molested in the past, that now, in you're brain, is confusion.
I suggest that you talk to you're Gynecologist about this, it could also be a hormonal imbalance.
The fact you somewhat enjoyed petting with a female is not something to worrie about at all,(that too could be hormonal) Don't wait, check with you're DR., Hormones have enormous controll over the Human Body.

Answer 11

To be honest....There is really no one on her qualified to help you in your situation. I say this because of the molestation. The impact of being molested as a child (especially a girl) is proven to cause long term negative effects. Do your self a favor and see a Dr. Good luck!