how do you know if your spouse really loves you?

Question

I married a british citizens almost 2 years ago, sold everything in the usa to be with him, once my daughter and i arrived in the uk he changed always critzing me putting me down saying hurtful things, i feel he doesnt really love me so i asked him he replied he is frightened of loving me but in the same sentence says he loves me? i am confused all do we is argue now and i am left homee alot with my daughter while he goes out for the day is he in love with me? i dont think but trying to keep an open mind help

and i do work here in the uk i have for a year, my husband just cant bring his self to show love or affection just negitivity

Answer 1

Does he have a chin, and if he doesn't, well you can't even hang him. Ask him if your a thorn in his side, and an embarrassment. If so, go get a whip, and s&m that bliter into the ground. He should fear you, and with reason. If he's not going to be "just swell", then your going to amplify his attitude by powers of ten.
Chain his **** to bed and shave every hair off of him. Tell him to be super nice, not a little nice, but extremely nice and you'll not show him the business end of a enema, get him involved in his own survival. After 3 months of cold water, beatings with a cat of nines, and very extreme amounts of oral sex,if he's still frothing, then leave. Dear your talents will be loved here.

Answer 2

It seems that your spouse has a deep seated miss trust of not you but commitment. It appears that at some time in his life someone has let him down badly either his mother or father more than likely.
I am sure he does love you but finds it hard to show it and even is afraid to show it in case you should leave him and he should end up getting hurt again.
He feels that by keeping you at arms length he will save himself a lot of hurt and pain but what he doesn't see is that he is actually driving you away.
He obviousely needs counseling from an expert.
The one thing you must not do is confront him because he will feel that you have let him down even though you will not have.
I suggest you pick a quite moment to sit down with him and say look I love you unconditionallly but you keep pushing me away and hurting me and it hurts me a great deal.
Ask him why he is afraid of showing you he really loves you. He may open up and tell you but if not then tell him that you are so unhappy that you want the both of you to seek marriage guidance and for him to see a counselor. Do make a point of telling him that although you love him you can't carry on the way things are and that you don't want to loose him but he will loose you if he doesn't face up to his problems and that's not what you want.
Keep reasuring him and letting him know how much you love him but at the same time stand your ground.
You can contact me my email if you need someone to talk to.
All the best, Andrew D

Answer 3

this is a reaccuring problem I think in many relationships....he probably fell in love with a strong capable woman .... you were most likely independent and on top of your life when he met you ...then you moved to a new country gave up everything familiar and became totally dependent on him for all your needs.... this changed the balance of your relationship ...what i believe you need to do is to try and get out there and become independent again... hard i know in a new environment but the last thing you should be doing is sitting at home ruminating about him! If he had come to the US and became totally reliant on you it would have driven you crazy.... go out there girl and explore the country... find a job, meet other people and do not become a soppy silly woman driviling about the lack of attention you get from your man.its really hard but men and women really do think differently .... you have to be the person you were when you met cos thats the real you ..... and if all else fails go back to the states where you have friends and family ....

Answer 4

Test him. See if he will move over for you and if not you definately have your answer, tell him that you dont like the country and that you feel its better if all of you moved back. My husband is facing the same thing with me now. I work and he is a foreigner and hates South Africa, so I told him we can move to USA. I know I have a steady job and life is good for me here but I would rather that we both be happy. Happiness is more important than a job. Jobs are everywhere. Compromise goes 2 ways.

Answer 5

Sounds like he is having second thoughts about your marriage, from my past experience with guys before I met my fiance 7 years ago, and sorry to say this, it sounds like he "might" have some else he is "chatting" to. I could be very wrong, but thats what it sounds like. If you still have family in the USA, then just maybe you should think of rather cutting your losses and going back home with your daughter? I hope you work this out with him?

Answer 6

sounds like he could be cheating.

I'd leave him and just find a place to stay with your daughter. There is no reason you deserve to be treated that way by anyone. You shouldn't be critisized if he really loves you. Get on with your life without him and someone else will eventually come along who will know what you're worth. You need someone who will make you feel good about yourself. And, in my opinion, if you have to question if he loves you or not...then he probably doesn't.

You and your daughter deserve more than that.

Answer 7

If you have to ask, then he doesn't. I say this because only you know how you liked to be loved. It is your job to teach him how you like to be loved. And if he does not respond or do the acts that show what you perceive as love, you have just entered the un-loved zone. Pick up the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. That should help you out a bit. Good luck!

Answer 8

Darling, don't hang around unless he changes his attitude.
I know how it feels to be in a new Country all by your self, that's hard enough. I too was abused (that is abuse you're getting) and the next step could be, physical abuse as well (they are close together).
What he's saying, is a COPE OUT.
Love does NOT behave this way believe me, there are better men around, I know too, for, eventually I found the real thing, YOU WILL TOO.
This situation is not good for you're Child, remember that!
LEAVE HIM, once being an abuser, usually, (unless getting help), they're allways one.

Answer 9

Doesn't sound like he is to much in love with you, a person that loves you will put you before anything else and be there for you and also do things for you.That person will stand by you no matter what and not say hurtfull things to you, he will cherish you and worship the ground you walk on and that is how you can tell if someone loves you..

Answer 10

You have got to tell him it hurts when he is saying hurt full things to you. If he feel stink about it he obviously cares about you, but just don't know how to deal with all the emotions.
I moved to UK for my hubby a year ago. He was not hurt full to me, but before I moved we had a lot of arguments. It was the first time we really had loved someone and that was really scary. He could be terrified of getting hurt maybe? It very natural. Just tell him how he makes you feel and you don't like it, and say what your feelings are from him. Maybe he just needs to hear it from you.