My wife has not been sexually active with me for over 3 months...?

Question

despite my gifts, flowers back rubs, candle lit baths etc. however she has accused me of being unfaithful many times in thepast. ( i am not ). could it be that she is being unfaithful ?

Answer 1

she could be upset, and secretly wishing you were having an affair so she'd have a 'real' reason for not liking you.

Let's see: do you snore so loud that she never gets to sleep? do you dribble pee and leave the seat up so that she feels like she's swimming in filth every time she tries to use the toilet? can you give her an orgasm or does she have to fake liking it until you finally leave her alone, so she can go masturbate? do you leave stuff all over the place, shedding things like keys and shoes and pieces of paper onto every horizontal surface along your path through the house? do you stink? do you listen when she talks to you, or do you zone as say 'uh huh' and 'very good' no matter what she says? Do you refuse to hire someone to just do the job right now, and instead the house is a pit of unfinished projects like no doors on the rooms, wires dangling where fixtures should be, etc., etc? Do you treat your kids like your personal slaves, demanding they say 'how high' when you say jump yet you can't stop staring at the damn computer/tv/whatever long enough to acknowledge their presence when they want to just talk to you?

Don't buy me junk and think it makes up for you being distant and disgusting.

Don't touch me (back rub) or ask me to be naked (bath) just so you can think you're 'priming' me to look forward to another of your totally pathetic sexual events.

Has she ever said any of these things to you? Are you listening?

Answer 2

This is kinda long-Hope it helps the both of you. No surprises here! Sleepless nights, demanding days, dirty nappies, sore nipples from breast-feeding not to mention new-parent anxiety inevitably take their toll on your energy levels. Hormones, hormones, hormones The drop of oestrogen and progesterone after childbirth can cause postpartum depression, which can interfere with your sexual drive. Postpartum depression can last for a few days or a few weeks following birth and some women are more sensitive to hormonal changes than others. Ouch! The pain from childbirth doesn't end as soon as the baby is born — you will feel discomfort as your body repairs the damage that occurred during the birthing process. The incision from a caesarean birth, hemorrhoids, engorged and leaking breasts, and tender vagina are just a few of the pains that may be intensified during intercourse. Shssh, the baby can hear You know the baby is oblivious to what you’re doing, but there’s still a nagging doubt. Spontaneity may take a back seat while you revert to an-under-the-sheets-and-behind-closed-do... sex life. How to bring it back Take your time Give your body a chance to recover from the birth and your hormones time to settle. You will know when your body is sufficiently recovered to resume having sex. Use vaginal lubrication The vaginal area will feel dry due to the altered hormone levels. Try using lubricating vaginal creams until the hormone levels settle. Exercise Simple exercises can help to tone pelvic muscles, which can intensify vaginal sensations. Pelvic floor exercises are encouraged by midwives, physiotherapists and your doctor. Try tensing the muscles around your vagina and anus, holding for several seconds, then releasing. Be creative Your love life doesn't have to be a desert until you’re ready and able to have full sexual intercourse again — rediscover all those old feelings by cuddling, caressing, and holding hands in the meantime. If you are ready to resume, be adventurous — some sexual positions will feel more comfortable than others, so experiment. Make time Plan some time alone with your partner, book a babysitter in advance and take a couple of hours out for just the two of you. You may be parents, but you’re still a couple — don’t forget that. Get checked out If problems persist, you should discuss the problem with your doctor they can help you to discover the cause of continuing problems.

Answer 3

I saw a quote that said" jealousy is more about fear than it is love".
Sounds like she is dealing with a lot of fears right now.

If your therapist is not helping dispel the fear or giving you both some road map for resolution get another therapist.
He would be taking the money for listening. There is clergy and family to do that for free. Its time to get this person to offer some assistance.

BTW I do not believe the thing about the cheater accusing the other.
It may be time to quit courting her and put some demand on the situation. The old reliable " This is not working for me. Its not just about you. Changes must be made NOW or there is the door" discussion sometimes delivers the wake up call if romance does not work.
There is a bit of misguided logic going on here. You were unfaithful therefore I will not have sex with you. Whether it is or is not true it is self defeating. It does not cure the problem and only worsens an already bad situation.

Answer 4

From the mind of a normal woman, I reckon shes just going through a phase. As hard as it is to understand, we all do it. It doesnt make it right but its true. I've been like that at times and the more he (my partner) wants it to happen the more I dont. its kinda off putting! Try playing hard to get and somehow make her think u dont care anymore weather or not it happens. Its IRRESISTABLE for a woman when a man needs to be chased!And if you've done nothing wrong then ur fine. Dont assume she has either coz she can tell.Sometimes a woman will accuse a man of being unfaithful coz she feels like "why is he with me if I'm not good enough. He can have anyone he likes." she is most probably feeling a little insecure. maybe due to new changes in her life? just make observations on the world as she see's it and you might find ur answer. good luck!

Answer 5

Despite what others have stated, there is no definite correlation between ones accusations and their behavior. If a woman believes that her mate has cheated, it is very difficult to get past that. Afterall, if she believes you have, you stating you haven't means what? It's not as if most people who cheat would admit to doing so once confronted. I'm curious of the details surrounding her accusations. I would recommend a marriage counselor as well as you and she sitting down and developing a list of acceptable activities for the both of you. It doesn't have to be only sexual, but it appears that you need to regain her trust for some reason. The answers aren't here with yahoo readers but within yourself. Best of luck!

Answer 6

Usually when one partner begins acusing the other of infidelity, it's a sign that they are themselves unfaithful. Your wife may be avoiding intimacy to avoid "cheating" with you against her other partner.

If this has been going on for three months and you've started to get suspicious, you need to begin protecting yourself, while at the same time planning how best to save your marriage.

1. Ask yourself: If I learn she's been unfaithful, can i take her back?
If the answer is no, then your step 2. needs to be a confrontation in which you go to your wife, and lay things out on the table.
Simple Role-playing example:
"Can we talk for a moment? I feel that there's something between us and I'm concerned that we've grown apart. When you've accused me of having affairs in the past, I've let it slide, but now I have reason to believe that you may be having an affair. If you have had an affair and I learn about it, I don't think our marriage can continue, I do not believe I can continue to trust you. If you want to salvage our marriage, I urge you to bring your difficulties forward so we can confront the problems and overcome them. If you are with someone else, and you intend to be with them, please come forward so we can at least salvage our dignity in this."

If the answer is you can forgive her, you may want to wait for more information. There are perfectly legal ways to investigate if your partner has been unfaithful.
A. Investigate Cell phone usage. If one number is used more than 3 times in a single day, day in and day out, follow up on it.
B. Credit card activity, look for meals, hotels, and frequent grocery trips outside of household budgets.
C. Computer usage. Look for the chat logs kept by most IM clients.
D. Car mileage: Write the number down at night. If that number increases by more than 4x the distance to and from work in a single day, then there's a reason to suspect she's been taking side adventures.

I hope some of this advice helps.

Answer 7

I don't know that she's being unfaithful...sounds to me like she's punishing you for making her think that you were unfaithful in the past? The act of witholding is a control game......and she's definitely witholding from you!

Think about it! If you even sniff that your beloved is having an affair, think about how you'd feel.....and over a period of time, if nothing happens to rebutt, defend, and neutralize those toxic thoughts, they build one on top of the other until the emotions become fried from the stress...that could be one reason why she's so distant and detached. Maybe she thinks that you're doing all those romantic things because you're guilty of being unfaithful...which is why I said it might be a case of her punishing you.....

...and buddy, that could go on forever unless you stop it. If it were me, here's what I'd need for you to do: Stand me up in a silent room (no TV, music...completely silent).....put your hands on the top of my shoulders and face me....look me straight in the eyes....and then tell me that:

1. You're aware that I think you've been unfaithful;
2. You're sorry that your behaviors and actions gave me that impression;
3. You want to know from me the specific behaviors and actions you did that gave me that impression in the first place (that you were unfaithful);
4. You want to become more aware of the behaviors and actions so that you may change them, to let me begin to trust again in your love for me;
5. You have never been unfaithful to me;
6. You care deeply about our relationship and life together;
7. You love me.

I see your situation as an opportunity for you to stand up for what you believe in.....and to affirm that you believe in you and her together.

Here's a rule of thumb: If you can honestly say that: a. You've done the right thing; b. You've done your best; and c. You've done all that you could do.....in any situation in life....then you can confidently move forward to whatever the next step is for you and your life. In this situation, perhaps that's counseling...or maybe it's a few days away from the household to be alone and think about the next steps.

If she hasn't opened up and tried to talk about what's going on inside her mind and heart, I think she's being completely unfair....but you also must be prepared to listen.....

Good Luck!

Answer 8

Do not jump to conclusions!

I am married, but seperated now for a week, and it's all based on a lie. My husband believes that I have been unfaithful to him, because I havn't slept with him for 2 months, because I am pregnant and just don't feel like it. I've tried, but I can't.

Talk to her about it, because it may not be that.

Answer 9

Possibly, but something is not right if she has not had sex with you in 3 months. Have you asked her straight out?

Answer 10

a famous psychologist said (think it was Sigmund Freud) ... those that are guilty will blame those who are innocent of their crimes (not exact quote but close lol)... she blames you for being unfaithful to help herself cope with the guilt of herself being a whore ... eventually blaming you for cheating enough and she'll make herself believe that you are and then upstairs she'll feel that its ok she's doing this an that because "he's cheating on me already"