She was in email contact with her happily married classmate for one year and she says they only discussed family matters.But her letter talks about how she loves and needs him asking him to understand and not to forget her and lot more. She says the letter was only a fantacy and that they never exchanged any words of love. Though in a mail she said it is better for them to be away from each other as no mistake can be made. How could somebody married for 14 years and having two kids fall in love with a guy without any preliminary preparation or something before hand? If it happens, nobody can be sure of his wife's fidelity ? She says there was nothing between them except for the letter I found and that they only talked about family issues. Is she lying about the nature of her relationship with him? She even met him in a remote resort when he came back to India 6 months back. That guy was in love with her during her college days but she loved&married me then.He only contacted 2year back.
2007-02-22 21:19:58 · 11 answers · asked by havah 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I was shocked when I found her letter because I could neither see the logic of her affair nor reason behind it. We've been sleeping together and she has been nice to me all the time. I pity her because I love her. She is sad because she is sorry. But I want to dig a bit because I am afraid she is coming out clean with truth which alone can save our marriage.
2007-02-22 21:54:48 · update #1
It does not sound like a fantasy. It sounds as if either she has always kept a torch lit for him, despite being married or she is now unhappy and looking for fulfilment either way. Sadly, it sounds like she may possibly regret her choice (ouch). Sorry.
Why would a happily married woman that was fully fulfilled in her marriage say (let alone write) such things to another man? Clearly, she has given this some thought.
HOWEVER, I would not recommend tossing 14 years of marriage away with 2 kids away without a FIGHT, but you certainly need to get to the bottom of this -- or you may likely end up without her, one way or another.
There must be more to the story - you need to find out what it is.
2007-02-22 21:56:35 · answer #1 · answered by Jay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife is obviously missing romance in the marriage with you and is reaching out as a fantasy with this other guy. You two need to get into some serious counselling to get back the "intimacy, romance, friendship" in the marriage. Although her feeling this way does not constitute her to even have a fantasy that could lead to cheating. You must stand firm against this behaviour and let her know this will not be tolerated. Then see if she is willing to work on whatever it is that is not getting her needs met in the marriage. I feel by both of you working hard to preserve and regain what has been lost in the relationship there will be a good chance for success in repairing and healing the hurts her actions has caused. .Best of luck to you both.l.
2007-02-23 01:39:53 · answer #2 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been in a relationship where I found my boyfriend's hot and steamy chat conversation with another girl. He gave me excuses and tried to convince me that it was a 'normal' chat though it contained words which wouldnt describe it as a normal chat and hinted more like he was flirting with the girl. But because I loved him a lot and wanted to start over with a clean slate and also because he asked me to forgive him and said 'things' like that would never happen again, we tried to start over.
However, a little later i realised that he had slept with the girl before we had our 'talk' and before i knew about their chat. And just because i loved him enough to forgive him, i trusted him again and tried hard to forget the past.
If you ever find signs of your other half cheating on you, the best things to do is follow your heart's advice. If deep down inside, something tells you to forget the past and move on AND if your partner is willing to clear the past and move on too, then it's the greatest thing one can do to save love and relationships. On the other hand, if you feel you are not ready to forgive and forget (if PROVED that your partner has cheated on you), then dont waste any more time on the relationship.
But if you dont have any proof and if your wife admits, give her another chance if she regrets. If she doesn't admit, give her the benefit of doubt, i say! But the best thing to do is follow your heart.
Good luck!
2007-02-23 07:54:24 · answer #3 · answered by Ash 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should forgive her and give her another chance.I believe she is really sorry.i see your wife as a person who finds it difficult to hurt other people even when she has to.I think she has been giving the other guy some attention just for old time sake but is not neccesarily having an affair with him.From what u read in one of the letters,u can tell she doesnt intend to and wants to avoid any situation that could lead to this.I dont think she is lying but you have to be very firm with her on this issue.Tell her to sever all links with this guy if her marriage of 14 years means anything to her.all links and that includes call,mails etc.
Bear in mind that you are the one she married.The other guy is probably unhappy about it as well.My advise,let it go and carry on with your lives.
2007-02-23 00:02:29 · answer #4 · answered by sharonz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well in everyone's relationship at one period of time, it can be tested. The test can be money, inlaws, friends, habits or sometimes past loves. She may or may not have done something with this boyfriend from the college days, but I guess I would be straight up and ask her do you love me, do you want to continue our marriage, are you struggling with the attraction you still have for your past love? Ask her for honesty. Basically only time will tell she can tell you anything really but wait and see how she reacts you will feel either her sincerity or her distance. Good luck
2007-02-22 21:27:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are married in love before 14 years and yet suspect your wife's character. something is definitely wrong with you and hence you think so. You are not confident your own abilities or you may enabled to provide your promises and hence you are worried that your lack of provision of everything may lead your wife's attraction towards an others person... you may sexually weak, or else way your confidence is loosed and if so you have to maintain your own mental health, otherwise she can go far away without your knowledge as Ladies are too cleaver to hide their mind
2007-02-22 21:47:15 · answer #6 · answered by konkanchaprawakta 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
the question quite is do you have confidence her? possibilities are high issues worked out in simple terms the way she suggested, what's bothering her is that if she fell in love with somebody else and does not understand her thoughts by using fact of her thoughts for you. What you're able to do is sit down your beautiful spouse down and characteristic an extremely sturdy heart to heart chat approximately your dating. Ask her each and every of the puzzling questions you attempt to stay away from and locate out what her needs and desires are. she probable in simple terms desires in simple terms slightly spice placed into your dating and frequently times people overlook how lots they love their companions till its too previous due. Its not too previous due for you, tell her precisely the way you sense and how lots you like and look after her, pass on a 2d honeymoon and boost your love existence slightly. despite turns the two one in each and every of you on, supply it a kickstart such as you probably did once you have been first at the same time, possibilities are high it is all your relatioship desires. she appears like some thing is lacking while the certainty is you in simple terms % in simple terms slightly spices, take care and revel in and love your spouse and appriciate her. in case you do not help out around the homestead with stuff and you are attempting this for her now, this could make her sense like she has extra time for the two one in each and every of you to be at the same time and coach your appriciation to a minimum of one yet another extra. existence is in simple terms too short to be unhappy. Ask the puzzling questions and sweetness the comparable ones in the previous you ask her so which you would be able to tell her first the way you sense and watch for her to respond to. the main to any dating is communications in case you do not have which you have not something, take care Heather
2016-12-17 16:55:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is human to err and it is divine to forgive. Now that the seed of suspicion has been sown in ur mind u can never believe her unless u both sit down and thrash it out. I understand ur anguish as u must be feeling betrayed but as shakespeare says "woman thy name is friality."
2007-02-23 03:05:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
k sorry about this first be clear with the letter proof u came across ....ask her frankly does she love u still ..if she says yes stay with her if not decide properly as it involves your kids too ..do not put their life on stake ... go to a good councellor
2007-02-23 20:08:40 · answer #9 · answered by tamanaahamed 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i have a lake in arizona to sell you if you believe that? just get done with the mess and call it lesson learnt.
2007-02-26 14:03:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋