Read my mother-in-laws email and found she had written a lot of bad stuff about me. What do I do??

Question

I didn't go looking to read her emails or snoop . She's staying with us and she hadn't logged out of her email and when I came to check my email, hers was on the screen. I never do stuff like this and I'm very trustworthy. I know I was VERY wrong to do this. I was actually trying to find out some innocent info. about her upcoming birthday. Instead, I read A LOT of bad stuff she had written behind my back to her friends. She had revealed some very personal stuff about me, had called me a bad mother and outright lied about me. I always thought we had a good relationship; she always tells me she loves me like a daughter, etc. I have confided personal things o her b/c I trusted her so much. Now I think she's just a hypocrit and I can never trust her. I know that I invaded her privacy. How can I confront her about this w/o telling her how I found out? And does she have more of a right to be angry at me for reading her email or me at her for all the malicious stuff he had written about me?

Answer 1

I am a mother-in-law. So here is what I suggest you do.

Forget what you read. Most likely your MIL was just letting off steam and really did not mean what you read there in her emails.

I would suggest you no longer confide sensitive information to her anymore though.

The emails were not for your eyes. Somehow you have got to get that out of your brain and leave it behind. It was very unfortunate that you read that stuff. I know it hurts, but it would be really bad for you to come out with this to her. All that would happen is a huge argument and you would not come out looking very good at all.

Just take this as a lesson learned. She is not to be fully trusted. Leave it at that.

Answer 2

Forget about the email. She will just use it against you and continue to focus on your wrong instead of her own. Really what do you expect to get out of it? Do you really think she'll apoligize?

Instead let's look at the root of your situation (problem):
1. Why is your mother in law staying w/ you guys? was it a short visit? or is it more of a long term? if it is a long term, you need to have a chat with your hubby about his mom staying somewhere else.
2. How was she able to reveal those very personal things about you? Don't ever let anything else personal be known to your mother in law! Especially anything to do w/ your marriage!

From here on out your goall will be to pursue peace. Be extra wonderful when she or her freinds around, she will be annoyed that she will have nothing else to say about you.
It may be hard at first to suck it up, but in the end you will be the victor!

Answer 3

Okay, you snooped. Yes, I know that she should have paid better attention & logged out of her email account, but you shouldn't have read her stuff. I'm more concerned about her sending stuff to your "friends" and them not telling you about it. Friends should be looking out for friends, right? I would confront them first and find out what is going on.

Now, to your mother in law....you need to let her know what has happened and get it out in the open. She hasn't been honest with you by telling you that you are like a daughter to her and then going behind your back. You'll feel better knowing how she really feels and if she really doesn't like you....she might need to get a hotel or rent an apartment.

Let your husband know what is going on too--you don't want to leave him in the dark. Be civil and be honest about what was done.....

Answer 4

Well you can ignore it or you can ask for a nice chat about it. I would want to talk about it and tell her that she left the page open and you glanced at it unavoidably---when you saw some stuff, you kept reading. Then ask about what she wrote. She is in your house and on your computer??? HMMMMMM I think you have some rights here---besides, she already wrote it. Just be respectful and nice--show her who is better here. But still you have a right to be hurt. She can always move if she doesn't like it. Good luck

Answer 5

Well I feel that all mother-in laws have some kind of grudge against the daughter in law..its not tht the mother in law are bad its just that they have this insecurity that there is another woman in her son's life and she is having problem adjusting with it...

i suggest you sit down with your mother in law and explain to her that she is the woman of the familly and you look up to her for alot of hings..and tht she should never have any reason to feel insecure.

And if she still goes on doing the thigns she does...you can maybe talk to your husband since he knows his own mother more than you would or any of us and maybe you guys can come up with a solution.

Answer 6

You do NOTHING. Don't confront her, you played with fire and got burned. But you never,never,never confided anything about you or anyone to her in any way.Keep EVERYTHING on a superfical level at all times. Take this as a warning given to you by fate. The funny part will be when she tries to figure out that you know something without saying anything(if she's smart enough to notice). She'll distrust her friends thinking one of them did it. Kill her with kindness, she'll have to sit there and take it. Remember smile,smile,smile. I know it will be hard and it's not what you want to do. Consider it lesson learned. Wait and see if she can figure out her lesson as well.

Answer 7

Ok you should answer in indirect manner., for her every abusing like doing good things to her care very much about her. And I thought she written that you were bad mother realise the things ask your friends or anybody that you behaving with your childrens rite or not. If the problem is not yours she feel guilty one day.

Answer 8

invading her trust by reading her emails is just as bad as her passing along your confidences to her friends. consider it a lesson well learnt. trust goes both ways. i would suggest that you not tell her of your breach, and accept that as much as you trust and love her son, mother in law will have to earn any future trust from you.

Answer 9

You chose to sit and read the emails instead of logging off of the computer. If you had minded your own business you would be a lot happier now.

Answer 10

If I were you I will not confront her anymore about what you found out coz it will just bring more trouble than good. Just be careful next time. And oh.. don't read again her e-mails, what you don't know wont hurt you anyway.