Why am I not enjoying sex?

Question

Since I've been sexually active, I never really been sober for those "times". Regardless, of what drugs I was taken, it was the real reason why I enjoyed sex. Now, since I am sober, and happily married. I don't enjoy sex. My hubby is great! He really is, however, I don't mind doing once I'm having sex. It's just when my hubby starts "hinting" it to me, I don't want to do it. I can't even figure it out myself. I don't get horny or aroused, EVER! We used to have sex once a month and that's only if he REALLY begged for it. Now, it's better. We're at it, once a day, and I only do it for him, not for myself. I'd like some help, please. I'm afraid he's going to leave me for a sexually active person one day.

Answer 1

Lina,Do you have children?If so that could be part of the reason.From my own experience,I enjoyed it as you did,(when I was high),it was then I could be wild and do MY thing,and it not only turned me on,it really turned my partner on.But once we began having kids,it began to feel like a job.I would stay up way after he went to bed,just so I didn't have to do IT! I started making excuses not to do it,anything to get out of it.At one point,I really believe that I hated the thought of it.But I started feeling like you,like I had to do it or he might leave me or go else where looking for what I wasn't giving him.So,I started doing little things that I read about..Like running the two of us a nice candle lite bubble bath,with music playing in the background,and candles all over the place.I set out drinks and I decided to take contro; or the lead,just so I could show him what felt good to me,and how I wanted him to make love with me.And I got alot of my ideas from the adult videos.I admitt that there are some of the videos that are disgusting,but there are others that teaching you how to bring pleasure both for yourself and your partner.Trust me,you will come out of it so much more full filled and so will he,plus he will know what turns you on and what don't.Bring afew toys into your love making,it will make things so much hotter! It might take you trying this alone at first,but trust me,you will be glad you did!Use your imadgination.One more thing...I talked my husband into letting me blindfold him,because I was kinda shy at first,and that made it even better for him,then I let him blindfold me...It was the best sex we ever shared.Now our love making is great!I look forward to it.Try writing down one of your sexual fantasy's,both of you write down fantasy's that you've dreamed of etc.,and let the other read them,and take it from there.....Believe me you will love it!I think that you are in a rut,and you need something to spruce it up!I know several couples who have tried this and their sex lives are better now than when they were younger.Don't be shy,Give it a try! Good Luck and God Bless!!! Love,Lushious Lynn

Answer 2

Let me start by saying, I hope you don't take this the wrong way.
You mentioned that before you were never really sober for the times when you previously had sex. Often times, (and I don't know about your specific case) girls who engage in drug use and alcohol abuse and then sex while under the influence are not treated with respect or dignity by those they are having sex with. Could it be at all possible that some of those old feelings of being disrespected and "used" still linger?
Again I hope you don't take it the wrong way, but a question like you've just asked is hard to answer in a forum like this.
Some other possiblities you might think about are:
Does something about your husband turn you off? If so is it correctable?
Do you watch pornography? If so stop immediately, studies have shown that men and women both have problems with sexual gratification if they are addicted to porn.
I hope this has helped in some way.

Answer 3

Well I think it's more difficult for females to let lose and really let GO if they think about someone in the next room, someone hearing them, any distractions that might hold them BACK - a woman can and will let that interfer during sex. Remember we women THINK THINK and over think most things, we are emotional, dramatic, worry & fret about every little thing and even those things we shouldn't think about and can't do anything to change! SO with that in mind - if you TRULY want to help HER enjoy your intimacy together then PUT HER IN A PLACE where she CAN feel FREE TO do so. Heck most men could get aroused and have sex in a garbage can - women NEED the effort, creativity and romance towards them and their needs - they need the foreplay, the attention, the recognition, the many other things that accompany good or even GREAT SEX. If you aren't willing to do some WORK why would she want to for you? THIS is supposed to be a mutually satisfying thing - so DO YOUR PART so that she can and wants to do hers!

Answer 4

It makes sense that after an extended period of time where drugs and sex went hand in hand that your body would still need the one to stimulate the other. I would suggest that you and your husband really dive in to foreplay and sex stimulates and maybe even other techniques. At least until you find something that works for you. If you cant think of ways that work try reading books on that matter, see if something catches your interest.

Answer 5

Can you please yourself? Do that with him. He will probably get really turned on by watching you and he will learn what gets you to your happy place. Also, if he's not giving you much romance, foreplay or what-have-you then it's hard to just jump into the "let's do it" mode. Be playful, talk about it. Tell him you will do the same watching and learning from him. I can say with confidence that my husband will never stray. Why, when he can get the best bl@^j#b of his life right here at home. Once he's got you like that, you will be thinking about it more often. Once you've got him like that, well, there will be gifts....;-)

Answer 6

Well this is a question that almost is logical...... Having anykind of drug (legal or illegal) will help you to keep a good sex life in some way, alcohol does it too.....

But what is happening is that your bodie doesnt feel that energy when you took those things....

Really see a therapist or someone professional about this...
Take care

Answer 7

Is he really your husband? If he is, then having sex with a wife is not that often! Can't perverted people think of anything else than sex? Its okay if you don't enjoy it. That's you. Not me nor anyone married or whatsoever. If he just keeps asking you to have sex with him then might as well deal with his horny/cocky attitude. It's like that is what he wants from you anyway.

Answer 8

I suspect there have been abusive experiances in your past. They could be alcohol or drug related. For example, was one of your parents an alcoholic? You could also have been sexually abused in your childhood. You definately need to seek therapy for this problem. You might deny that you have a problem at first, but it lies within your subconcious mind that controls your pleasurable and painful feelings.

Answer 9

Your not going to get the kind of therapy you need on Yahoo answers. You need to work with a therapist on the underlying inhibitors in you sub-conscious that blocks you from experiencing sex as pleasure.

or you can write to me.

Answer 10

Sounds like you have some deep seated psychological problems that you may not even be aware of.... Just go and talk to someone about it, I hope you find the answer to your problem.