Great wine is fine, but a whiskeys quicker
Suicide is slower when drinking liquor
Drown your drink demons with a full bottle
But your demons are there fighting full throttle
Knocking on the passing doors, awaking dead
Stumble in wondering where I’m prone
So I make my bed. And resting my head.
Nights just a blur so I lie there and moan
On the next morning I am feeling rough
I Guess the night before must have been tough
Feeling sick as I slumped off the sofa
Then a flash back, I hired a shofer
People drink their silly self too death why
2007-02-22 17:41:48 · 17 answers · asked by Katja ie tattybow 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
I am not a child! I hate it when people say im to young to be on here! I have much a right to be on here than everyone on here! So please answer my question and not say something about my age!
2007-02-22 17:48:54 · update #1
I don't drink! I hate people who drink themselfs silly! it's dumb!
2007-02-22 17:49:53 · update #2
I have relations who have!
2007-02-22 17:50:35 · update #3
If i stay in bed all day like you say 2 gingerpea, it will lead me to teenage obeisty! So i wont! And i am going to continue writing 2morrow!
2007-02-22 19:43:40 · update #4
PEOPLE do drink to much,
and anyway what is a child doing on this site?
2007-02-22 17:46:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
I think your poem is ok - not bad for a 13 year old. The last line ("Then a flash back, I hired a shofer") seems out of place and I am not sure what it means? It doesn't seem to fit in with the rest of your poem. Also, just a note I think "chofer" should be spelt "chauffeur"
I really don't understand why people drink themselves to death but they all have their various reasons. Most times it's stress/burdens that they think they can't deal with or think they are too weak to deal with. Everybody have their burdens to carry but some people just don't wish to try. I have had family members who were alcoholics but have pulled through it. Some people seem to think that the solution to their problems is to go on the bottle as it seems to wipe the problem away but what they find out later is that it does no such thing. Some find out sooner than later and do something about it while others...they just don't get there. Anyway you keep writing but next time hopefully with a nicer theme.
2007-02-23 02:00:50 · answer #2 · answered by I want to help 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think it's very good, especially for a 13 year old. I have been lucky enough to have had a poem of mine published, and your poem is much better than I could have done at your age.
It bothers me to see so many people on here taking this poem so seriously. Yes, most poetry is based on personal experiences, but it doesn't necessarily have to be. Young people today grow up much faster than in the past, so it's not shocking to find a 13 year old who knows about alcoholism, and it's effects. It's just a poem, and it paints a vivid image. Some of you people are way too harsh and mean-spirited. Judging by some of the way you write, you could learn a thing or two by reading this.
Good job, keep writing and developing your talent. Most people can't write at all.
Oh,my, to me it sounds as if Gingerpeachy is the one who's angry. Read its questions and answers OUCH! It looks as if some people enjoy hurling rude, arrogant, know-it-all, and cruel remarks at others. And Gingerpeachy is upset that it gets reported for violations. True.
2007-02-24 01:33:24 · answer #3 · answered by Jeffrey S 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with poster pageys. This is not a poem but a jumble of words that sounds like a bad rap song. And all rap songs are bad, by the way. This really stinks! Sorry, no offense, but these teen poems get worse by the day! They ought to call this Yahoo Teen Poets Who Can't Write and Haven't A Clue! And kid, when you ask what others think, then you cannot turn around and throw a little tantrum at the answers you don't like. Shows just how immature you are and how you really should not be on here. If you ask, you are going to get told. At 13, you should be in bed not up writing a bunch of awful blather! Of course, if you are really 13, well, you sound much older and you sound very depressed and angry.
2007-02-23 01:56:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 4⤋
You are not a child and you sound all grown up to me but can you direct your lovely words to a more worth while cause, with out belittling you, at 13 you should not know about the effects of alcohol and it is no good for you if you can write words like this i would like to suggest a different approach to poetry write about nice things words like these are a sign of depression and can bring you down you need something to up lift your spirit and no you are not to young to be on here but always be vigilant and don't give out your age any more i work for a local council and I am a mentor so please erase your age stops the wrong person knowing good luck with your poetry Dave
2007-02-23 02:04:12 · answer #5 · answered by Psycho Dave 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Your work shows a lot of promise and you should definitely keep writing. A lot of famous authors and poets were told that they had no talent and that they should stop writing, so don't listen to the critical (and possibly jealous) people who are telling you to stop. And don't listen to people who question your age; the world's youngest published science fiction writer had her first story published in 1998 at the age of 10. Keep writing and good luck!
2007-02-23 14:19:27 · answer #6 · answered by Southern Cat 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your poem is excellent and bears a powerful message. I'm sorry to say that one of the world's greatest poets, Dylan Thomas, drank himself to death.
Keep writing poetry. The poet and artist, lift humanity from the mud and show us a glimps of heaven.
Thank you.
Huh! 13 is old, I'm 65 going on 12.
Dylan Thomas was an established and published poet by the time he was 15 - you've only got two more years. Go for it.
2007-02-23 02:23:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
I'm very impressed with your poem. You recognise alcohol as a problem. Do not be put off by any negative comments. I hope to see more of your work in the future.
2007-02-25 15:59:29 · answer #8 · answered by DS 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good grief! This is very deep for a 13 year old. I hope you haven't had first hand experience at drinking at your age. I have no idea what a shofer is but apart from that it is a good poem!
2007-02-23 01:48:24 · answer #9 · answered by ☞H.Potter☜ 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Well it's really good. I'm fourteen by the way, and can't write poetry to save my life. Have you heard of Sylvia Plath? (this is to answer your smile poem too) She suffered from depression, but her dark depressing and sad poems are really good, You don't need to make the poem any happier.
2007-02-23 10:31:58 · answer #10 · answered by JaY 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
wow.. for a 13-year old, the peom is pretty intense and thought provoking... good job. I doesnt surprise me though that you chose this topic... children are faced with MANY such challenges and issues these days, Im VERY glad you are trying to find ways to express yourself in a positive manner. Keep it up !
2007-02-23 01:53:32 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋