How does a fat woman woman learn to stop hating herself, and have her husband be attracted to her?

Question

38 years old, married less than a year, tall size 22, my husband has no interest in me, he prefers adult websites and cams, but he ALWAYS checks out the big women, I try to take care of myself, exercise, tan, have my nails done and dress nice, but I feel so hideously ugly, when I go out into public people I don't know call me the most horrible names, antidepressants haven't helped, diets don't work for me, I've even starved myself trying to lose weight so I won't be an outcast in soceity, I long for a "normal" life and to know how it feels to be ok with who I am, I was this size when I got married, but I am invisible to my husband, I love him so and am craving his attention and a simple touch, I welcome any suggestions, thank you all

Answer 1

u cant, unless u drop the pounds, other wise its over...mp

Answer 2

you said she is really really fat but that doesn't paint a good picture. You could have mentioned her height and weight. Is she obese? See some guys have an unreasonable idea of what a girl should look like. They think that anything over a size 4 is fat. There is a difference between being a bit chubby to being obese. Is she over 300 hundred pounds. If so then her health is at risk and I heard nothing from you that said you were concerned for her in anyway. That's why so many answers here are negative towards you. If she is obese I'm sure she doesn't like it. She needs help and you should try to help her. Have her see a doctor or a nutritionist and get help that way. Everyone changes over time but it's no reason to throw in the towel. Don't give up on her and don't cheat. You fell in love with her, not just that she was skinny right?

Answer 3

Sounds first of all like your hubby needs to do more changing than you do, but I won't get into that.

Starving yourself will never work, because as soon as you eat something again, your body stores it as fat because it thinks it's going to be deprived of food again. What you need to find is a happy medium between diet and exercise. A lot of heavy people think that because they can't run nine miles on a treadmill, they can't exercise, and simply cannot lose weight. This couldn't be further from the truth! Any time you build muscle, in any way, your body eats calories, because muscle requires more energy to maintain. So find something fun you want to try, like yoga or a little light weight lifting (I think tae bo is hilarious and fun), and do your best. Get your doctor involved as well, because he/she can tell you good foods to eat, and what physical activity you are healthy enough for. You don't have to starve yourself OR become a triathlete to get into shape. Just a little of both. :-)

The most important thing for you, though, I think, is your self esteem. There is nothing that puts a damper on a good diet/exercise plan than a melancholy attitude. Just remember that there is no challenge you can't overcome if you just believe you can do it. And set realistic goals. Forcing yourself to try and achieve the unachievable will only set you back. If you're determined to lose weight, you can do it. It just takes a lot of hard work and a lot of strength, but I know you can do it! Just be sure you aren't doing it for the wrong reasons. If you are concerned about what people say about you on the street, then think of how low THEIR self esteem must be to make fun of a gentle person like you. And as for your husband, talk to him, tell him that he's hurting you. Sometimes guys are just oblivious, but I'm sure you've figured that out by now, lol. Good luck to you. :-)

Answer 4

No one will love you until you love yourself. It sounds like your hubby IS attracted to your type of body but you sound so down on yourself perhaps you're sending out signals you don't realize. If you feel hideously ugly you can't expect anyone else to find you attractive. I'm about the same size as you and to be honest, I find parts of me rather unattractive too... but I DO have some good parts! And I bet you do too! Find something about yourself to love.. that's a start! And it sounds like you could do with some counselling or at least getting involved with a support group. Tomorrow I'm starting my first session at Curves... I HATE exercise but I figure I can do 30 minutes 3 times a week and it's a start. Maybe that's something you can do too :)

Answer 5

My suggestion would be to watch the Tyra Banks show because she discusses many of these issues with self-image. She is a beautiful woman, but recently people have been acting like she looked fat just because of an unflatering swimming suit. On her show she talks about how women should be happy with their bodies and she is very happy with her own looks.

Another reason I think your husband might be ignoring you is because you are demanding his attention rather than ignoring him. I know this may sound silly, but I learned in a relationship that I once had that my boyfriend began to ignore me because I was demanding his attention. He was not the best person for me and it would not have worked out for other reasons, but five years later I know that he was attracted to me physically. He just did not like how I called him alot because he believed that I seemed needy.

I think you should have a discussion with your husband and tell him that both of you need to seek counseling because his obsession with porn sounds unhealthy. When you start counseling you should tell him about your thoughts and feelings, but do not demand his attention. If he continues his porn addictions, schedule a girl's night out and spend some time with your friends. However, if it gets to the point that he just seems more interested in the porn, then I would leave him because you can find a man who will appreciate the beautiful woman you are rather than a fake fantasy from a porn film.

Answer 6

My wife was a 22-24. She was unhappy with herself, suffered from a few health problems. Her doctor recommended that she lose 100 lbs. We started walking 3-6 miles a day, cut our food intake in half. Just by that I lost 15 lbs. My wife took it a step further and joined a gym. She eventually worked with a personal trainer and since last June has lost 60 lbs. She now wears14-16 size clothes. She looks incredible, feels incredible. All of the friends we haven't seen in a few months are blown away.
It's made a huge difference in our lives. We both are happier.
My wife has worked hard to lose those pounds. She's changed her life and you can too. I would talk to your doctor first.

Answer 7

If you was that six when you got married then why did he marry you if he was not going to pay you no attention?? I am confused on that part. Anyway you have to love yourself keep dressing nice if you really wanna loose weight try to get you a personal trainer so they can help to keep you motivaed and give you a diet plan to follow. Being stressed can make you gain weight rather than loose as well so you have to stop stressing find you something that you really love to do. THe more you excercise and not eat and you still stressing you weight will go no where I learned that when I started reading up on dieting and loosing weight. As far as your hubby is he the same size he was when you got married? He needs to be trying to motivate you in many ways and helping you to loose weight. Loose the weight for yourself you have to keep yourself motivated don't worry about what others are thinking and saying there are many mean people in this world just pray for them and continue to work on yourself, once you get focused on yourself and start to loos your husband will start to realize you, there are sites that have the sexy lingerie no matter what size you are you can still look sexy try some of them in the mean time to see if you can get his attention if not then don't worry about him anymore focus on yourself and get yourself fit and fine he will then be jealous, pay him as much attention as he pays you find you somewhere to go and hang out by your self or with friends so you can relax your mind. A trainer is a good start this will help you stay motivated and focused on what you want to do which is loose weight they will be very helpful to you in so many ways, who know this trainer just may end up being more than a trainer to you and become your new husband who knows. Do this for you and no one else go out there and get fit!! Stand strong and tall stop worrying about other people they are living their lives they way they want so you have have to live your the way you want get focused. PERSONAL TRAINER and NUTRIONIST!! Great start.

Answer 8

Honey, whatever size, color, shape, etc you are-you must have confidence in yourself. Condfidence is attractive-it shows strength in a person. If you want to exercise, I know most people like to have a gym/walking/running buddy for motivation. I don't have the body that I want either, but I learned to be okay with it, and focus on what qualities I do have and work that.

Answer 9

maybe it's the negative attitude thats putting him off,try to go for daily walks just to get out and feel better,try to plan healthy meals and have light snacks,no need to starve yourself,we don't get any special prizes for being the ideal weight,try to do things that make you feel good,be a good person to yourself and family,don't worry what other people think,just smile at them,i struggled for years worrying about what others including my husband might think,but funny when i stopped i felt better and lost some weight that i had been carrying around since having 3 children
cheer up and just take care of the inside first
goodluck

Answer 10

If you love your husband you need to sit him down and tell him what you want and need. What you are starving for as you say.

Find a good Church and couples group, get involved with others so the you will learn to have a good foundation spiritually so that you will look at yourself differently.

Do not be negative to yourself love yourself or no one else will.

Answer 11

size 22 is big but not all that big. If this guy can't show you the love and respect you deserve, dump him. Let him know how you feel and tell him how it hurts you for him to reject you but still look at big women on porn sites. If that gets no response, get on the phone and call a lawyer.... a divorce lawyer. It might wake your husband up or it might get you free for a happier life.