What is rhythm when you dont have a beat.
I know some people who have rhythm but I dont feel it and I dont see it.
So whats rhythm?
To me rhythm is me.
Just waking up in the morning going down those stairs is a beat.
Opening the door is a beat.
Typing,talking and laughing.
I do those things.
So where is my rhythm?
2007-02-22 17:06:54 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
It's okay. The general idea is good, but it seems way too short. Add more depth to the poem. Explain why you feel rythem is you, write more about the point you are trying to get across. Also the ending does not seem to fit the poem. If rythem is you, then why do you not no where your rythem is?
2007-02-22 17:16:13 · answer #1 · answered by starsthatshine.exoh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm fourteen as well, so I agree that age is no excuse, and I have to say that it could be better if there was more depth as someone said previously. More often than not the really good poems (I'm so not talking about rap) have a deeper meaning than just what's in the text (ex: metaphors...). So you have to ask yourself what it is you're trying to get across or express and also expand the vocabulary a little. The line "I do those things" conveys nothing to the reader. It's dull, it could be better. But practice and read more poetry (but also understand it!), there are many great poets out there. Some really nice ones are by Robert Frost (quite well known and isn't too difficult to understand if you make connections) and you can see the difference.
A girl suggested literary devices, if you don't know what they are a few include:
- imagery
- metaphors
- diction
- similes
- personification
- allusions
- onomotapiae (that's probably spelled wrong...)
lots lots more, read up and study you have a lot of work ahead of you.
(IMHO: people may take you more seriously if you didn't put things like "lol" at the end of your questions...)
But, this is contructive critiscism, I'm not trying to steer you away. Just keep in mind that there is more to poetry than meets the eye.
2007-02-22 17:33:36 · answer #2 · answered by ~Jenny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It can be a good exercise in self-expression. If you enjoy it that should be enough. If something comes of it that's all the better.
I remember when I was around 14, my English teacher had us all write poems. I thought I did a reasonable job but he just trashed it for being too personal. I was crushed. After a while I came to decide he was probably a jackass because he thought he was going to be a poet but ended teaching junior-high English.
I've written a few since then. A friend put music to a couple of them and they sounded much better as lyrics in a song. Your poem reminds me of song lyrics. Just keep at it for the Joy of Creation if nothing else.
2007-02-22 22:04:12 · answer #3 · answered by ron w 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry, but none of your poems are any good. You keep posting little stuff like this time and again and you cannot write poetry because apparently you don't understand it. This is awful and I don't know what your aim is, but I think you should go to bed now. We told you the last time that there was no flow or rhythm to your "poems" and then you come back and use the word "rhythm" numerous times and ask what it is. Other little posters like JY tell you it's not bad, and they must be as crazy as you! You may be 14 but believe me, you are a fourteen year-old who is totally wasting your time - and ours. Goodnight!
2007-02-22 17:12:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well take no notice of ginger thing but please don't give out your age it maybe picked up by the wrong person so erase it now and my dear if you wish to write poetry like this feel free but be prepared to have some idiots pull you down keep up the good work Dave
2007-02-22 18:08:41 · answer #5 · answered by Psycho Dave 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. It's not deep enough. It's shallow. Use literary devices. If you don't know what those are ask your English teacher. It doesn't flow, few people will be able to relate to it.
Age isn't an excuse, I'm only 15...and I'm leaving you advice.
2007-02-22 17:27:04 · answer #6 · answered by and2252 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I rate this poem 7/10
2007-02-22 17:19:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have just cost yourself 30 points, and I've just earned 2 without any effort. Thanks.
PS. I don't know anything about poetry, it all seems a bit dull and naff, so your fits right in! well done.
2007-02-22 17:22:01 · answer #8 · answered by Mungo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I couldn't even read it straight with out looking at the first line and last or just inbetween somewhere.
You can't write poetry.
You don't even know what it is.
2007-02-22 17:38:20 · answer #9 · answered by frankiethunders 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
say something about heartbeat, stuff that the reader can't disagree with, short and biting is where its at, blimey...okay I'll never make it as a poet, I think you're quite good.
2007-02-22 18:15:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋