Ok. How about this poem? (Im only 14) lol?

Question

Where were you?
When the little girl cried for help.
Where were you?
I have been in this world long enough to know when somebody doesnt care for her.
That girl.
Left alone
But nobody noticed her.
I was the only one who did but I cant do anything because just like her im a little kid.
So how can I help another when im just like them.
I need help myself.
I tried to help myself.
Life goes as fast as a blink of an eye.
As fast as that little girl started to cry.

THAT LITTLE GIRL IS MY REFLECTION!!!!!

Answer 1

no offense or anything as you asked what we thought but i really dont care for it at all...honestly it could be a lot better worded differently or something like that...good luck though and just remember,no one else HAS to like your poetry...if it means something to you thats enough :)

Answer 2

Don't take this the wrong way, but you really need to work on imagery. Poetry isn't about just coming out and saying it, poetry is a lot deeper than that. If you feel that this is a deep poem, then try to add the depth you as the author feel it shows through the use of metaphors and smilies. You need to work on the way it flows, this poem is really choppy and the rhythm doesn't flow properly. Don't really worry about rhyming, there is always time for that later.

Grammar and punctuation do matter, maybe not as much, but you at least want to know all the rules and things so you don't confuse the reader. Also, don't write about what all other teenage girls write about, write about something that means something to you.

Again, I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just offering some critiques on your writing.

Write for yourself and not for anyone else. If your happy with your piece, then peoples critiques won't hurt you.

I'm not jealous, I'm offering advice, because I once was a writer like this..and in some ways still am.

Answer 3

Hi! I'm the person who consistently calls Gingerpeachy jealous. I think Gingerpeachy misunderstood my clear and concise comment. She is jealous, not of people's literally skills, but of the fact that they still have a heart and a decent mind. This makes her jealous. This makes her jealous because he/she is a coward and has no EMPATHY for other people whatsoever. If I were Gingerpeachy I would seek corrective therapy, rather than pouring patronising scorn on 13 and 14 year-old girl poets, in a way that strikes me as a little perverse. Gingerpeachy. If you feel a person might improve upon their work, why not give them the benefit of your immense insight and be constructively critical (like an adult) instead of just being a ****. (Gosh! I bet they asterisk that word).

What really sickens me is that we have a 14 year old girl opening her heart to everyone on yahoo about how she feels and the knee-jerk reaction of some people is to dismiss her feelings (her words, out of hand). This is an unsophisticated and unevolved response.

Shantreese. Don't let worthless people put you off expressing yourself. Your feelings are as important as anyone else's. And when you write a poem like this you speak for the whole of humanity as you speak from the heart. Some people have just forgotton how to be human.

Calix and And 2252 make constructive criticisms. They are worth listening to.

Answer 4

You have a long way to go. Try working on rhythm. I don't really see a flow in this, and it makes it uncomfortable to read. Cut down on clichéd phrases and ideas. This whole poem is a cliché, to be brutally honest. Try to be more original with your content and your style.

For the girl below me that says people are jealous: that's not true. I'm quite creative, and if I see someone who needs some work, then I offer my advice. If someone gives me advice on my art or writing, I gladly listen.

The point is, you're still young and there is no time where you'll ever be satisfied with your work. If you are, you're not a true poet. There is always room for improvement. It's important to have good technique so that you can express your feelings in a way that others enjoy reading. Does that make sense to you? It honestly is quite important, and I can't stress it enough. If I read a short story with horrible spelling, it detracts and I ignore the story and focus on the mechanics. Technique, technique, technique.

Answer 5

Keep it up. Develop an interest in guitar, piano, some sort of musical instrument. A few of my friends took up music as a way to take away a little bit of the pain it sounds like your going through.

I wrote my best stuff under duress. Did a sonnet in a 15-minute train ride after visiting an ex. It felt rotten, then it felt pretty good once it was out.

Answer 6

Increase your vocabulary the poem is good as the reader isn't prepared for the ending, poems could to an extent reflect a child's status in the world as it is today, but you have to really think about what goes on around you.

Answer 7

No offense, but this isn't very good and I will tell you why. It's depressing and well, it just isn't well written. Period. You tell us at the end that the little girl is your reflection. Poetry is about imagery and illusion. It doesn't come out and tell us things, it suggests things through imagery. Your "poem" has incorrect punctuation, poor sentence structure, and contains a lot of abstracts. No rhythm in the structure at all and it's difficult to follow. You really need to understand that this is not poetry at all. Most of your peers will tell you it's awesome and fabulous and that you could win a contest. They are wrong and they don't understand poetry either. They all seem to write the same dreary things as this piece. Believe me, this is really very poor. Again, no offense but you might want to try something else and skip the poetry. I don't think you have a knack for it. And really, Yahoo Q&A isn't really the spot for it anyway. By the way, some little poster said anyone who puts you down is a jealous idiot. Dear, if we were jealous of this we would need our heads examined! We aren't jealous, we just want to keep you from further embarrasing yourself. Please try another venue.

Answer 8

well, I think you have some potiential. Most poets who publish their poetry usually spend alot of time writing a rewriting their poetry. With some work you could make some really good poetry.

Don't listen to Gingerpea I took a poetry class so I know a little something about poetry. Things like sentence structure, correct grammar don't apply to poetry like the old days. You read all the old poetry and it does all follow some pattern with correct grammar but you read the beat neck poetry and it is all freestyle breaking all the rules. My poetry teacher was very strick on grammar rules when he graded us so it is a good idea to know the rules if you want to take classes on poetry, but you don't need to follow the rules to write poetry.

Answer 9

I think it's great! It's also great in the fact that you have an outlet for your feelings. Keep writing! It doesn't matter if it makes sense at the time or not. Whenever you get the feeling....put it on paper. Don't pay attention to people who say "I didn't care for it"....because really, what they are saying is "I'm jealous that I'm not creative!". So pay no mind. You are 14. Anyone who tries to put you down for expressing yourself is a jealous idiot. Keep doing what your doing!

Answer 10

shantress that is a really good poem i agree with some of the comments about u tring to get ur work published good luck babe make them notice you !!!