My husbands Ex wife had a fit when I got my stepsons hair trimmed?

Question

My 7yr old step son comes on the weekends, we were getting pics done with his new baby brother. his hair was long and hanging in his eyes not to mention he had the worst time brushing it so we asked my son if it was ok to trim it and he was fine, when his mother saw this,instead of saying somthing to our face she left nasty messages on our phones stating we shouldnt be making those choices even though we have cut his hair many times,told me I wasn't his mom also said something to my stepson that made him feel bad about his hair being trimmed, she just doesnt get it. We have legal documents stating when he is in our care we make any decisions we see fit. I have been in this little boys life since he was 1 yrs old and love him to death. Im just curios if you guys think that she has the right to act like this over such a small thing.

The reason we asked my stepson is because we didn't want him to feel forced because he really likes his long hair. No im not his mom but when he is at his home with us we as a family make decisions together big or small and if he needs a trim then more then likely if she doesn't do it we will.He is apart of our family to. Im sure if she were doing somthing like family pics she would get his hair cut to. She does things we don't always agree with but we keep our mouth shutt because when he is at her house she is responsible for making decisions as our we when he is with us in the best interest of him. And that is what I told her!

Yes she appears unhappy for the most part she has 2 small children with a man that has left her numerios times when she was pregnent and after their births she and she lives with him for about the 4th time. and yes she always has somthing to nag about. She even sent my step sons shirts back that he picked out for school.

The weird thing is last summer i cut his hair myself and he moved so we had to shave his head and his mom laughed you would have thought she would have gotten mad then.

He has a very strict divorce agreement stating when he is in our care he is responsible for any decisions made in our house hold it was made that way on purpose so she couldn't pull stuff like this when he makes a small call in his sons life also my husband was present when his hair was cut at the mall.

Answer 1

OUCH. She sounds VERY angry. It also sounds like you and your husband are doing it all right.

My recommendation... ask her to communicate through email. That way you dont have to deal with nasty calls AND there is a record of her behavior.

Then, when things are calm, forward her these web sites. They are on co-parenting. It appears she really needs ot look at them.

Also, I am including step family web sites. I thought you might find the info useful.

Good luck. I think your gut is right--her life is falling apart and she is likely jealous of yours.

Answer 2

I am not gonna say she has the right.... Though I am going through a divorce presently and if my husband's girlfriend got my kids hair cut..though it is trivial I would be upset too...Not because of the hair cut ,just because I would feel left out of the child's life..in some small way... That is a selfish answer...though that is probably how I would feel... I can not imagine I would ever say anything I am not that bold to my soon to be ex.
It has got to be hard to be the step- parent. I can not imagine. I pray for my husband and his girlfriend even when I am hurting terribly about their decisions.
I am certain that the mother means no ill will toward you ... She is probably still frustrated with her ex.
I think deep down , at least in my case. You try to win them back no matter how hard they have hurt you and when you can not you try to hurt them... a defense mode if you will.

Answer 3

Your husband has 2 obligations: you and his son. The ex-wife doesn't figure in this equation at all. That responsibility ended when they divorced. The problem is that his 2 priorities seem to be in conflict at the moment. Seem to be, but aren't. He can be a wonderful father without being married to his son's mom. Of course, his boy probably wants his parents to be together. What kid doesn't? But it's not reality. Your husband is going to have to deal with his son, a frank conversation about what these flattering comments are intended to do. If his son thinks he's going to push his parents back together, your husband is going to have to set him straight. There's not much you can do at this point except be gracious. You're the wife, not the ex. Let your husband know he has to resolve this situation with his son. Then let him take care of it. Good luck--

Answer 4

i wouldnt say she has the right to leave nasty messages , and the fact that you have cut his hair in the past makes it not right for her reaction, i have a feeling that the new baby brother you mentioned has made her feel as though you and her ex have the whole family that she once thought was hers, maybe she feels as though she could be cut out easily. is she still single? i do believe that a respect that it is still her son too. you should have mentioned that you were taking pictures and wanted to trim his hair. dont forget that its hard to see another woman succeed with a man and a marriage that she failed at . put yourself in her shoes now that you have a son of your own. although she may not be right in the way she handled it. you can at least understand what she may feel

Answer 5

I think she overreacted but in a way you were saying that you thought she let her sons hair grow too long for pictures. Like she wasnt a good enough mother. ( Im not saying that but in trying to see why she acted this way this is what I came up with.) Its not really a big deal and Im sure she must realize that by now. I just hope the child isnt traumatized by it and feels like its his fault his mom got so mad. Yikes, parents sometimes I tell ya.

Answer 6

She has no right, but you are not her. I can guarantee that she probably is single or very very unhappy. She probably nags you guys for everything.

You as a mother should know that you would probably react the same way if you were in her shoes. Until she is in a serious relationship, she will always be annoying. Single mothers are just like that.

Cut her some slack. Take offense to it, when she really disrespects you, like call you names (like slut, whore, etc.), gets in your face, or attempts to hit you. She's unhappy and she's going to bother you guys like crazy. She obviously has not adjusted yet. It takes a little getting used to, you know.

Answer 7

It sounds to me like she's a bitter hag. I wouldn't get mad if my son's step mom did that. I mean if she shaved his head I'd have a fit, but otherwise it's childish of her to behave that way. She obviously still has some underlying issues and is unhappy with her own life. Hair in his eyes??...hell yeah cut the kids hair!

Maybe this will teach her to keep her sons hair nice n' neat.

Answer 8

I think you are absolutely right. You have a court document stating you can make those decisions and just point that out to her if she brings it up again and continue to make those decisions.
Sounds like she is jealous of your life.
I'm going through a similar situation, it's tough.
Keep up the good work on taking care of that little boy and loving him, don't let her get in the way on who's important.

Answer 9

I can see that you meant well, but it was NOT your place to trim his hair . He should have that done by his mother . Naturally she is miffed . You are horning in on her territory . No mother likes that . The picture taking session should have been postponed if his appearance did not suit you . If the child were a girl instead would you send her back to mom with a permanent in her hair !
Try to be on more amicable terms with the mother so you can call her and ask her permission in the future .

Answer 10

I’m guessing Mom has legal custody and Dad has visitation. If so, then *Mom* gets to make the decisions. You should have asked her. More than likely she’s only p*ssed off because you didn’t ask her (not necessarily because she didn’t think he needed the trim).