Am I alone on this?

Question

I am going to be 25 in about a week. It feels as though life is flying by. I am so lost and confused on what to do with my life. I have been through a lot in my life and have learned some very valuable lessons, but for some reason I feel like a kid trapped in this adult body. I chose to work instead of going to college. I then got married, which has been my security blanket for three years. I want out of my marriage because the man is mentally and occasionally abusive. I am so scared though because in the time I have been married, I have lost all confidence in myself. Am I alone on this? Does everyone feel lost like this at times? I see so many people that seem to have their lives together and I have no idea how they got there. I can look back and remember how happy I used to be, but have no clue how to find it again. Can anyone help me with this?

Answer 1

Believe it or not, sweetie, your life is not over and you can move in an upward direction. If your husband is abusive (and considering how your esteem has suffered it sounds like he has to be), you owe it to yourself to get out.

It will not be easy, but you should go to college. Even one class for now would help boost your self esteem until you feel you can handle more. There are a lot of great clubs and groups you can join and new people you can meet. Life can start to look beautiful for you again, but first you have to make that first step. You can get your life back. Do not waste more time in a controlling and abusive relationship. It is NEVER too late.

Answer 2

I've been where you are and it's tough going! You're still young and you have so much ahead of you. So you made some decisions that you're not so sure of. You can still make some new ones. Use your support system to help you get out of this relationship. Don't waste any more time in something which is negative and bringing you down, because you'll only end up feeling worse than you do right now. Then, when you're feeling better, make some new decisions, like going back to school, or trying to find a job doing something you like.

Take the steps and make the decisions - even if you don't feel good about it and just have to go through the motions. The confidence will come back, and the rest will follow!

Answer 3

in life sometimes we dont realize how one mistake can ruin our whole lives...
you chose to work instead of going to school (not wise)
you then decided to get married at a young age as a security blanket,which is why you feel like a child trapped in a n adults body. you didnt give yourself time to grow up before you rushed out an made a grown up decision.doesnt sound like love had much to do with this because if you loved him he would love you back, and if he loved you he wouldnt be abusing you. now you got your self in a very confusing,and without a doubt, bad situation that you want to get out of.
marriage is when two people come together and make a vow to make it last. if you aint in love your just married in a sense of a license, but there is no bond there so, hell yeah you should leave him,if you dont love him. if you do then thats your decision.
go back to school and work on you so the next man you marry will be the love of your life and not your security blanket.

Answer 4

I can't help you find happiness but I can tell you a couple of things that are facts. 1. What people look like on the outside - is not what is happening on the inside. I know plenty of women who everyday look so put together but their life is a shambles. I also know one woman who is overweight and frumpy but the funniest person I know and a great friend. We all have our crosses to bear so don't compare your life to someone elses by what it may look like. 2. Do not stay in an abusive relationship. There is no reason for anyone to be emotionally or phsycially abused and only you can change that. 3. Your 25 - you have a lifetime ahead of you. Be your own security blanket and take care of yourself first.
Good Luck

Answer 5

No, you're not alone. Alot of people go through similar things.

When I was 25, I cried for three days over my birthday, and I'm not a crying type of person. I kept saying "a quarter of a century", and I felt like I was 125. I was also married to someone who was abusive. I felt absolutely lost and totally alone.

Then I realized something..I had me. I had a baby who deserved better than to grow up in that environment. It took me a couple more years to divorce him, but I started making plans, and setting things up so my daughter and I could get out.

The only thing I'd do differently, I'd have left the next day. There is nothing worse than staying in misery, and I stayed until I had a plan in place.

Call a friend or a family member, or a shelter, or a lawyer, and get either your behind out, or his behind out. Make this your birthday gift to yourself. It won't be easy, but it'll be worth it.

Answer 6

you should never feel like you need to stay with an abusive person. if you are feeling down it's probably because of him and it probably has nothing to do with your own feelings toward yourself.


nobody has it "all together" you just live your life working towards certain goals and when you reach one make another.

it's not too late to go school. they have financial aid programs and work study. you can live on campus, get involved in school life and the community. if you haven't already done so, join and get involved with a church in your area.

all of these things give you self confidence and show you that you can make it on your own and you don't need an abusive man as a security blanket(though i don't see how this makes you feel secure)

no one can tell you to leave your husband. it may be something you all can work out or get counseling for. but if he refuses to change and support you in your goals then is he worth staying with?

good luck and i hope you do what's right for you!

Answer 7

First, please get out of that relationship. You're not going to be able to clear your head until you wipe the slate clean.

If you like your job, that's great. If not, why not try some courses at a local college to get your feet wet and see what you might like to do?

Lean on family and good friends. Share your feelings with them and ask for encouragement. Let them know what you need.

A good therapist can be incredibly helpful.

Go out and have some fun! Think about things that you'd enjoy and go out and do them! You're right, life does fly by- don't waste another day.

And don't think life is greener on the other side- for the most part, it's an illusion. All of us have problems- it's part of being alive.

Good luck to you.

Answer 8

If it is any solace to you, I'm 43 and feel the same way. A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. Take things little by little to regain confidence. Know that there are millions of people out there who appear to have it all together and they go home and cry their eyes out because their lives are so phucked up. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Look out for #1 which is you. Good luck.

Answer 9

First of all getting rid of what makes you unhappy is the first step. No you are not alone! We all go through this. Even when you see people that SEEM like they have their life together, it means nothing. We have all been through this, or we will all go through this. So the people you see that SEEM to have their life together has probably already been through this and has learned how to get over the hump, either that or they know how to not carry there problems on there sholders. No one is perfect, no ones life is perfect. No one is always happy. We all go through things in life, but the most important thing is are you strong enough to get through it, are you strong enough to get over it? In the end, when you can look back and see that you were able to get through it and be strong, that will mean the most. If you are unhappy, move on. And sooner or later you will find some one that you are happy with. And if you dont you can always be happy alone. Aint nothin wrong with that. Id rather be alone and partyin and enjoying life, then to be with a abusive man and unhappy.

Answer 10

Your in a tuff spot for being so young...Just make sure you attempt to fix what you have instead of throwing it away not knowing how you got there in the first place, this way you will enjoy what you have once again or find yourself in the same situation once again if there is no lesson learned. Address your issues, is your man ever going to be what you need to live happily ever after, does your job lead to a dead end or is its future promising...take a step back...your young enough to make some tough decision that will lead you in the right direction....good luck.