Why are gay guys so into looks?

Question

I would greatly prefer answers from gay men.

It seems like most gay men prefer their partners to be hot and very attractive. What about the not so attractive? It seems that most gay men would snub any gay counterparts if they do not meet the attraction standards. Go into a gay club, and it would be a suprise to see a fat, bald, short, or deformed gay men around. So isnt that a hypocritical act for most gay men. Gay people are discriminated because they are different from the stright individuals but the gays themselves do the same to their own kind. So what is that all about?

Answer 1

they care how they look

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Answer 2

What you think is us (gay men) being shallow is basically gay men doing whatever it takes to attract other gay men. Like our straight counterparts, gay men see the outside first then then inside of a person. So we do whatever it takes to be noticed by other men. The bars and clubs that you've been in are a bit more mainstream, but there are gay bars & clubs for men that don't fit the "typical gay male prototype".
Also, keep in mind that every man has his type. What I find attractive may be completely different than what another gay man finds attractive. It's all in what excites you. So whether fat, bald, hairy, butch, feminine, muscular, Black, Asian or whatever--every man has his type and preference. It's what makes us so unique.
Step outside the 'gay mainstream' and you'll see that there's a whole different world of gay men out there--and not necessarily the type of men that you would see on Queer As Folk or Noah's Arc.

Answer 3

I prefer men that are hot and very attractive. But dosnt everyone want that? I know that you really love a person by their inside beauty, but you can't see that walking down the street, can you? Gay men want to be noticed by other gay men. That is why they are so into looking good and having partners that look good. And also in many gay lifestyles it is mainly about the sex, so why should anything else matter then looks? And yes of course Im gay/bi

Answer 4

Oh man, that is so not me you have no idea. I've always been on the other end of the stick and I can't tell you how much it hurts. You try having people you don't know walk up to you and tell you how good looking you are followed by some smarmy pickup remark and a grope. Sure, you try to be nice but after awhile you start to feel that all people see is gift wrapping and no one takes the time to bother to know who you are inside. It really takes it's toll on a person. I look in the mirror and I see what I always see. I don't see anything special. I see me with all my faults but for some reason beyond my control the ones I attract without trying are the superficial ones. I go out of my way to get to know the fat, balk, short and handicapped. I can't help it, I'm put together that way, I've never cared what others think of me, I put others first. Don't get me wrong, I befriend the beautiful too but only if they posses the ability to let themselves see beyond the superficial and instead witness that the measure of a man is not in the packaging. And it's a two way street for me. We're all here and we're all beautiful when we are without hubris.

Answer 5

Hi,

I have had a lot of experience being around gay men and I am a female so apologize for this.

I have altered my conclusion and found some very interesting evidence for your question that I believe explains why same sex attraction attracts the same good looks..

Same-sex attraction:

The matching hypothesis states that interpersonal attraction is more likely when the other person's perceived (this is culturally relative) physical attractiveness is similar to our perception of our own physical attractiveness. It argues that this is due to lessened chance of being rejected when seeking to form a relationship with another.

Evolutionary theories

The evolutionary explanation of interpersonal attraction is that it more likely occurs when someone has physical features which indicate that they are very fertile. According to this theory, the only purpose of relationships is reproduction and so we "invest" in someone who appears very fertile to increase the chance of our genes being passed down to the next generation. This theory has been criticized because it does not explain relationships between people who do not want children or homosexual couples.

My conclusion in all of this is that gay men are attracted to equally good looking men due to the perceived 'threat' within attraction itself (there is an attraction=repulsion theory) that increases a man's sense of vulnerability in the productivity in being able to attract another person. These are natural primal urges found in all living kingdoms and It's like some kind of competitive and instinctual or primal need to have a sense of dominance over the other and this is something that I eventually began to work out for myself in the end.

I also know that the majority of gay or bisexual men are very attracted to very attractive women too, but the man verses man thing is different because male submission is far more power -weilding to a man. It also explains why many gay or bisexual men very rarely have committed long term relationships with their gay fellows) because it is about power and what humans strive for more than anything else on this planet.

A useful link that I found: The Psychology Behind Homosexual Tendencies

This is my opinion in all that I have ever known about gay men.

Answer 6

it varies. Dance clubs have a lot of pretty bois - but other people go dancing as well. Jonathan and I go dancing occasionally. He's been in Cali with the guy whose been his best friend for 25 years and his wife visiting for 2 weeks, so on Saturdays I've gone with friends to the local dance clubs. No one "shuns" me (more on that momentarily.)

There are also OTHER types of clubs. There are bars that are frequented by all bears. There are bars that are country bars, there are... all sorts of gay clubs and bars.

By the way, remove short from your list. Short cute bois are in great demand. I'm not the only person by any stretch that has always had a preference for short men.

Which of course is really what you are talking about. Preference. I'm in my late 30s. I've taken some care of myself, its the nature of being a gay man. I am never happy with my weight, but I keep it within limits my doctor and the BMI charts is/are happy with and my waist, while it spread, never spread bigger than 34-35 inches. I happen to be 6'1 so I do not seem huge by any stretch. I would PREFER to bring my waist back down to 33 and my weight down 20 lbs from where it is. I work a great deal, and have some minor weakness from a mild stroke several years ago (blood-pressure based, now under control) so I can't do as much to help that as I would like. I do regular, extensive walking though and some other exercise. I eat sensibly (with enjoyable food however) and take beta sisterol and other supplements to help the Toprel and Lotrel that the doctor gives me.

What its really all about is sexual attraction. It's no different from the straight world. Every straight boi wants the hottest girls -- but lots of them settle for something other than. That doesn't mean that the hottest girl doesn't like the guy who is bald and fat -- just that she may not prefer him as a partner.

You are confusing prejudice for something entirely different, which is personal preference. There really is someone for everyone. There are hot twinks that love fat old men. There are people who love short and people who love tall. There are people who love athletic and people (alot of them) who love thin. There are people who love average and people who prefer clotheshorses and fashion mongrels. All of this is preference however. I'll be friends with anyone, and so will everyone I know. Cute young ones have the same advantage that cute young women have in the straight world -- but that doesn't mean that everyone isn't someone and it doesn't mean that gays are prejudiced against their own -- just that not everyone wants to partner with or sleep with everyone.

I hope that helps.

Kind thoughts,

Reyn
[e-mail]

Answer 7

First of all, realize that gay men are some of the most bigoted people I have ever met, not toward race or religion or anything, but toward straight people and themselves. I don't know if it has to do with buried aggression or internalized hatred or what, but gay men generally tend to be cruel to whomever they please and think it's OK. I have a feeling it's kind of like the schoolyard bully who is beaten by his father so he beats kids that are weaker than him, but who knows

The other people in this answer have a point, straight people are just as bad, both men and women. Unfortunately the US has a sense of beauty that is often unrealistic and very fake, how many women have quad D-cup breasts or men with 10" d**ks but this is what it seems the definition of virility comes from, and that is what we generally find attractive. Good news though, people do like others, especially when we find out that those quad D breasts beat the senses out of th woman and the guy passes out from blood loss when he gets aroused.

Answer 8

I agree that it is indeed a hypocritical act for a part of the gay community. I'm thinking, if some of these gay people who are a part of the "hot and very attractive culture" care so much about gay rights and their gay brothers' sufferings and those who are into recreational drugs and bugchasing etc., why don't they care for those who are depressed and fat, bald, handicapped etc.? Aren't all gay people the same and need equal attention and love? Apparently not... for some of the gay community. And I myself am gay -- so I agree, there is indeed a bias in that respect.

Answer 9

Your point is valid; however, the good news is that people have differing standards of beauty (it's in the eye of the beholder), and virtually everyone is attractive to somebody. However, it's not just gay men who are looks-obsessed. Even the ugliest straight man aspires to (and often gets) a gorgeous woman. Life ain't fair. Or, as they say, nobody loves you when you're old and gay (except for guys who like older men, and they are out there!).

Answer 10

Men are visually oriented. Thats just the way it is. No point in denying reality. Straight men like good looking women, gay men like good looking men. But there are a lot of different tastes. Some gay guys like muscular types, some like thin, some like fat, some like hairless, some like hairy. Its all visual, whether you are gay or straight.

Answer 11

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