i need some help with a big decision that i'm about to make in my relationship?

Question

ok here goes... my girlfriend and i been living together for about 2 1/2 years..she also has a daughter (biologically not mine) but i have great feelings for her daughter....my girlfriend and i met working in a restaurant/bar together...let me add she is and was a nurse at the time..i got the impression she was looking for a man in the restaurant biz, anyway ...2 1/2 years later i have decided to go back to bartending to make "the money" and make myself available to go back to school....is this wrong?...i know this will decrease our "quality" time together, but i also think that she should support the idea of me continuiing my education....i want to try to show both sides...she works days,i'll be working nights,..my question is, ..is it wrong for me to back to bartending? how would you feel if your b/f or g/f decided they were going to do this...last bit of ino..i live in alabama..jobs aren't plentiful...greatly appreciate any help or suggestions in this manner..take care

Answer 1

You don't say in your question where you're working now. I think anyone who wants to go back to school to better themselves is commendable. Bartending does bring in good money, and yes, you will be spending less time with your "family", but it will be worth it in the long run. Has she expressed that she doesn't want you to go back to bartending? Do what you need to do to survive, stay out of trouble, and continue to show her & her child the love you have for them. Be sure to make time for yourself though, do spend as much time with them as you can, when you can. Good luck to you....

Answer 2

You just said she's looking for someone in the restaurant biz (Not bar-tending)
I applaud you for continuing your education. If bar tending will help you do so (and it's not an issue with the G/F) then go for it.
Bar tending however is crazy hours and with school it will not give you much time with the family (biological or not).
If it's short lived (2-3 yrs) it might be worth it.
remember the key to a successful relationship is both parties have to work at it towards a common goal.

Answer 3

My husband and I was in a similar situation before we got married. We both worked in a night club when we met. After starting a relationship and living together for about a year he decided he wanted to go back to school to better his life and provide for us better. I have a child and he has two. I admit, that I was worried at first for different reasons. But because I loved and cared for him a great deal, I put my worries aside. Him going back to school and both of working, only seeing each other probably about 9 (awake) hours out of a week for 4 years was very hard and straining. But in the end it paid off and made our relationship stronger.So no it is not wrong for you to go back to bar tending to make the money you need for school and if she truly cares about you, she will be open to your ideas and support you. I think it is a wonderful thing that you want to go back to further your education. Go for it! Not sure if I helped, but I tried anyway.
Good luck

Answer 4

There are very few guarantees in this life, but 1, and a VERY IMPORTANT 1 I might add, is that no one can ever take your education away from you.

You may spend the rest of your life with this girl; She might leave tomorrow; You may marry her; You may break up with her; Either way, your education will stay with you.

Furthermore, advanced education opens the doors to opportunities that will better everyone's lives that are involved here.

On the flipside, put yourself in a woman's shoes. If a woman were to come in here and lay out this scenario, people would say that her man is controlling and abusive if he were against her going back to school to better herself.

There are many sacrafices people have to make to advance their education. However, the sacrafices are short-lived. Seriously, what is a couple of years in the grand scheme of life?

Finally, if this woman really cares about you, she will be encouraging you to do this. People that love us want to see us better ourselves.

Stau Up Playa!

Answer 5

Life had alot of obstacles and it is up to you to make alot of decisions. Some are easy and there are really bad ones. I have been married for almost 10 years and have been in the military for 11. I made a sacrafice to do what I do and many of those times I have spent away from my family. I love my job and I am following my goals. My family is supporting me 100%.
What I am trying to tell you: Communicate with your partner. Tell her you want to follow your goals to live in a better life. At least you are doing something positive for yourself.
I am in the military and going to school at the same time so it does take alot. There is a sacrafice no matter what we do in life but you have to ask yourself, will it be worth it?
Good luck and follow your dreams. Don't live thinking about it and feeling regret. I believe you should give it a shot.

Answer 6

As long as you are bringing in the money to help out on the bills and it will not bring stress to the relationship. You need to better yourself with education that will land you a better paying job. I think she may feel like you will start to flirt with other women and end up leaving her. If this is the case, you need to reassure her that you will be there for the long haul. She may feel that if she go through this with you and once you finish school, you may leave her for someone else. It is all about security within the relationship. If your relationship has good foundation then it will survive school. Good luck!

Answer 7

Seriously?

You know you have to make sacrifices to get ahead in the world, right? Do you want to always work in a restaurant?

Are you going to let drunk women take you home?

Are you going to finish your degree within 5 years, get a better 'day job', then marry her and adopt the kid?

Make a plan, work your plan to completion, and do not let anything stop you... no excuses like I just want to work in a restaurant my whole life so I can spend time with my girlfriend.

Easy choice... go to school. Work whatever job supports that long term goal. Dig ditches, whatever.

Answer 8

If you want to go back to bartending so you can go to school to better yourself which I assume is also to better the relationship. I would be for it. I would try to work things out where you guys have some quality time or the relationship could suffer.

Answer 9

No it not wrong for you to improve on your life, have you discuss this with your girlfriend? And what is her thoughts? By you working nights how long would you be going to school? Yes I think she should support you on your decision, but I hope you have plans in the near future of marring this woman, who hopefully supporting while you seek your dream

Answer 10

Out of respect for her, you should have sat down with her and told her of your intention to go back to school. Because this deciding affects how much $$$ comes into the home. I don't think she would not be supportive of you wanting to do more with your life, but I think you went about it the wrong way. If she is a little hesitant, it probably scares her to be the one who will be bringing home more. But talk to her and let her know how you feel.