how can i have a better relationship with my mom?

Question

all we do is fight. can someone help me?

Answer 1

It will get better with time, trust me. It has a lot to do with growing up and with ageing.

Things that have helped me a lot in that are to remember that she is who she is and I can't change her, I can only change my reactions and my exposure (for severa years I chose to not see her very much). Also, remember that your mom really does have your best interests at heart, even though that's hard to see sometimes. And also remember that your mom is older and has seen a lot more of life than you, so there are many things that you will fight her on and then later realize she was right about...

Sometimes it just plain pays to keep your mouth shut.

Lately when my mom has gone into deep critical explainations about how to do simple things I say "Mom, I'm 45, I know how to ***(clean the blinds - or whatever else she's harping about***"
Bottom line is, she'll always be your mom, and will always feel it's her job to guide and protect you. This can be very annoying when you don't feel you need guidance or protection - but hey, it's her job.

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear that all you and your mother do is fight and argue, relationships with your parents are one of the most hardest things to deal with, i have been in that situation so many times where the parents know they are always right on something and sometimes they arent right. I do have a few tips for you and it may help with your relationship just a little bit better {it helped with myne alot}
Try and get involved in something your mom likes.
For example if your mom loves to watch a favorite t.v. show and you cant stand it, just sit there and be her company watch it with her and have some popcorn to share sit down and watch the show for about a week or something.
Or if your mom has a bunch of animals in the yard just go out there one day and show some sort of interest in the animals with her.
If your mom loves to cook alot go in the kitchen and help her cook get some ideas from her and than after ward clean up the kitchen really really good for her washing all the dishes drying them and putting them away and stuff wiping down the counters and even complimenting her on her food tell her how much you love it. Take her out shopping all kinds of women love to do that just try and spend a day with her out shopping and take her to her favorite resturant.
See where i am going with this is if you spend more time doing something your mom really enjoys you will spend less time fighting with her.
Sometimes mothers are the hardest to please but if you give it your best and not just the 50% and expect 50% you will see a big difference try and just give all out at the 100% doing something mom loves to do and you two shouldnt fight so much. I hope this helps ya out alot.

Answer 3

Usually it seems that fights between parents and children are more of power struggles than anything. A parent is trying to make decisions for a child that they feel they can make on their own. Whether it's what you eat, when you take a shower, or what job you have.

Ask her for her opinion, listen to her without arguing back. Even if you don't agree thank her for her advice. You don't have to tell her your not going to take it even if you know you won't. Then give her a kiss and a hug and tell her you love her. Sometimes that's all it takes to change an entire relationship with someone.

Answer 4

You don't say how old you are but if your in the teenage years, everyone always fights with there Mom. It's just part of growing up and establishing your independence. Just remember she is your Mom and she isn't always going to be here. Appreciate her now, and appreciate the fact it's hard for her to watch her "little boy" growing up and away from her. Just have some patience with her. When you feel that an argument is about to start, calm down and count to 10. Good Luck!

Answer 5

Since you guys do nothing but fight I don't suggest that you spend a weekend with her or a couple of days with her as quality time. Cuz if you don't get along now things might get worse if you both feel pressured to spend time together. You should try talking with her and you might work out some of ur problems. Don't try to do to stuff that really bugs her. Show her you love her take her out for dinner sometime, give her hugs........show her you care. But don't expect a good relationship with your mom to be a given it's something that needs to get better over time but once it's good, keep it there.

Hope that helps......good luck.

Answer 6

Just by what you have mentioned ...one needs to recognize why all the fighting and can it be reduced or eliminated. I come from an old school mother whom ruled my way or the highway...when your 18! Mean time do as I say....looking back there were alot of lessons to be learned, whether she was right or not. Try and understand parents don't know everything and will try to do the right thing but it just may not be the way you might have handled it....thats for you to change when the shoe is on the other foot...good luck.

Answer 7

I have no idea how old you are so it is hard to say. If you are in high school or college then I would say to tell her you love her often. Ask her to do things with you like go to lunch together, go shopping or anything just so she knows you want to spend time with her. Mothers get scared as their children get older because she knows she is about to lose them. She is mad but not at you and she is hurting and scared. I know this because I am a mother of a wonderful son that I fought with for years and these are the reasons. He is 33 now and we get along great because I realize now that he will always love his mom. We would have fought less if in his busy schedule with his friends in his teen years he had made time for me. As stupid as it sounds, I was jealous of his friends. He had always been my little boy and now it seemed that he didn't need me anymore. It would have meant the world to me if he had came to me occasionally and said "hey mom lets do something together."He does now and it make me so very happy. The bottom line is try to put your mom as ease by letting her know that you still love her and NEED her. Don't assume she just knows because she doesn't unless you show her. We all know that when mama's happy, everbody's happy.

Answer 8

Maybe you and she could try reading some books on mother/son relationships.

Raising a Son: The Essential Guide to a Healthy Mother Son Relationship by Joan Solomon
http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Son-Essential-Healthy-Relationship/dp/067145269X/sr=8-10/qid=1172201756/ref=sr_1_10/104-5754655-9868716?ie=UTF8&s=books

When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends: Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life
http://www.amazon.com/When-Your-Mother-Cant-Friends/dp/0385304234/sr=8-26/qid=1172201906/ref=sr_1_26/104-5754655-9868716?ie=UTF8&s=books

Answer 9

Learn to listen, listen to learn. Sit down and analyze how important reconiliation is to you. Be the bigger man (so to say) and confront her head on. I use to fight terribly with my sister and then I realied that it was because we never talk. Sure we did the usual "hi, how are you doing..." but we never really did talk.

The day i took the steps toward patching things up I asked her to sit in the kitchen and laid out my view of our situation and she laid out hers. I was doing so many things that I thought were normal that were hurting her and she learned that she was doing the same thing. Even though there were things that hurt me I kept a level head and just swallowed my pride.

It really depends on your situation and the personality dynamics of the arguments. If reconciliation is so important to you than you'll find a way.

Dialogue closes bridges and gaps. Just look at the US and N. Korea. Never underestimate it's power.

Answer 10

Sit down and talk to her about it. Tell her you want to have a better relationship with her and ask how you and she can help each other to do that. The worst thing to do would be to make it seem like it's her fault. Take the blame...that's what Dear Abby would say.