I am 18 year old/Male and i am struggling with one of the most sensitive thing nowadays in society. Which happens to be my sexuality! I have been surpressing my feelings for someone for almost a year now and I havent been handling it very well. It kills me inside that this person means more to me than my whole life it self and he doesnt know it. The worst part of it is that this person is more than just my curious love but he's "family" and he has been giving me mixed signals, yeah i know its family but love comes in mysterious ways. But why does it feel wrong if thats the case, i know its wrong but why does this happen to me, why me? There is not one thing in my whole life i havent done without it being for him. Lets just say i based my whole life and love on him. I live alone with my mom and dad and my sister is in college and i dont have that many friends to talk to like this on a personal level. I would like for you to please tell me a way to repress this and forget it forever!!!!
2007-02-22 14:29:33 · 9 answers · asked by Unrequited Love! 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
First of all, ignore all the crappy "Christians" and dumbasses that are going to tell you to go jump off a bridge or commit mental suicide in some "x-gay" program (Sometime I think we should come up with an x-straight program, they are the ones that need it more). Those people aren't going to make anything easier.
Second, you are 18. Have you come out to your parents? The reason I ask is because parents can be a great support structure for issues like this. I went through something similar and regret not telling my parents, I really could have used their help. If you aren't out to them I would not necessarily suggest running to them right away, that can add a lot of stress to an already stressful situation.
Third, is this guy related to you? Incest doesn't necessarily cause birth defects, otherwise Adam and Eve could never have populated the world with "Christian" dumbasses (or maybe that's why they are the way they are? Who knows?) but there is a very strong cultural stigma regarding family members, even to cousins. This might be a stigma he shares and would reject you out of hand because of it. On the other hand "family" is often a reference to other gay people and if this is the case there is no social stigma, well, at least not the family one.
Fourth, you should never base your entire life on one person, regardless of who they are, especially at the beginning of a relationship. This is for your own protection and mental well-being because you never know what will happen with them. They may decide to move somewhere, or see someone else and if that happens your world crumbles. If you two grow together and become each other's world, that is a different story.
I understand your need and desire to have a companion who you can love and get love from, it is natural to feel that way. Just be careful, you have too much life in front of you to start falling into self-destructive patterns - and PLEASE ignore the whole x-gay thing. That will really mess you up.
2007-02-22 15:13:22 · answer #1 · answered by Chris A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's OK. If it wasn't intended, God wouldn't have let it happen.
But always, I have to explain myself from two standpoints. So here goes. You have an attraction toward a family member and you feel that's not right. Well, aside from the fact that incest causes birth defects, seeing as you two won't be having any kids any time soon, I'd say that really doesn't matter. The goal of life is to be happy, and if you can, make others happy as well... That's my motto, and it has done great for me.
You'll make the right choice because, well, you decide if you follow your heart. I really wish you the best and I know that you will have the brightest life ahead of you. Love is unto itself a higher power, so don't let family get in the way... At least you have less to worry about AIDS and other STDs from the standpoint that you both share some DNA ;)
2007-02-22 14:41:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Assuming that when you say that he's family, you mean part of your extended family and is not directly related to you (because otherwise, this would be a completely different situation...)
Why exactly do you want to repress your feelings? If you do that and "forget it forever", all it's gonna do is bite you in the *** someday. Just tell him everything and if he says something like "That's nice, but I'd prefer it if we were just friends.", then at least you know, he knows, and you won't have that regret.
2007-02-22 14:39:21 · answer #3 · answered by ldnester 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are confusing love for affection. You can really be attracted to someone that you respect, feel close to, think is good looking... and so on. I was once attracted to a woman that I worked with. I was once attracted to a cousin. Both were wrong and I realized it after awhile.
I was lonely. Those people were nice to me. They paid attention to me. They gave me positive feedback when I needed it. They were good looking as well. All of that made me think I was in love. It was wrong.
You are confusing your need for love and his attention with love.
You need to separate yourself from this person. You need to get away. You need to put yourself in situations where you can experience relationships outside of your protected, isolated shell.
Go to college away from home.
Join the military
Join a civil service organization and do some hardwork overseas
Get away from your infatuation before you ruin your life. It's normal to feel attracted to someone close to you. It's better to not act on it. There are a million reasons you need to get away.
2007-02-22 14:53:12 · answer #4 · answered by Bubbles 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry you are going through such turmoil.
The enemy of our souls (Satan) will twist any kind of normal human 'love', twist human sexuality, so that it is out of sync with what our Creator wants for us.
I know that you could find some help, someone to talk to, someone who has felt your struggle, at Exodus International. (http://www.exodus-international.org/). It won't hurt to talk to someone, and it might give you the perspective you need. It sounds like you are "enslaved" by this obsession with this other person, and it's tormenting you. There is help out there. God bless you, and I'll be praying for you.
2007-02-22 14:36:41 · answer #5 · answered by Sheryl M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
being alone is a terrible feeling. i have been suffering from depression and there is no feeling like it. i am alone even when i am surrounded by my friends. please talk to someone. reach out to create a group of friends and choose them wisely! if you need to talk to me, just email me through the Yahoo! Answers. once i get to know you, i can give you my AIM screenname and we can chat.
sometimes talking to a perfect stranger can make all the difference in the world. it literally saved my life.
2007-02-22 15:27:17 · answer #6 · answered by happyinblue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm specific he likes you, he probably basically stated he would not anymore to shop face and not seem lame attempting to get with a female that would not want to be with him. Now he took the time to call u and ask for forgiveness so which you men could desire to be buddies back, i'm valuable he likes you. basically carry out with him a lot and flirt with him and enable him know which you dig him. he gets the hint. likely he will respond.
2016-09-29 12:12:57 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I mean its your choice if you still want to have feelings, but you do need a group of friends. Are you in High School? College? Etc... Details would be helpfull!
2007-02-22 14:37:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm never going to tell you to forget that you love someone.
However, if you want to talk to someone who will listen and have a conversation with you -- email me directly.
Reyn
believeinyou24@yahoo.com
2007-02-22 14:42:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋