i work in a manufacture setting; along side my husband, actually he is my boss. 6 months ago he hired an assistant, a 21 y/o stick thin, long haired blonde, i became her friend, & we'd all go out for drinks, but the more i got to know her the less i liked her. she is a self proclaimed "gold digger" she's said that she's already been intimate with a lot of the guys in another department, she flirts with & has gone on a few dates with a married co-worker & she uses men for $ I have found myself actually loathing her & to make matters worse i have to see her everyday flirting with my husband who is less then 20 feet away My Husband & i have had A LOT of HUGE fights about this, he says he understands my POV & that he will tone it down, but sometimes he gets heatedly defensive of her I trust him, but i hate him for hurting me He confides in her & even told her how much i make, which is less then her! my husband buys her things lunch, drinks etc. i can't quit, but i can't stand the flirting!
2007-02-22 14:28:31 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He will tone it down??? What a jerk. I liked what that person said about the ultimatum. If that doesn't work, let him have an affair and then take him for all he's worth.
2007-02-22 14:38:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The main thing I want to share with you is that people will treat us in the manner which we allow. If you do not demand respect, you won't get it. I completely understand how hurtful it is for your mate to flirt with another. You have to put some boundaries in place and stick to them. Even if you did split up, what would you really be losing? It's inappropriate for him to have acted with her as he has, but you can't control that. You can, however, control the way you respond. At some point, you'll need to decide if you wish to continue being treated this way. The problem isn't only the woman...if your husband has a personality which allows him to engage in this type of behavior, there will be another even if she were to stop working there. Whatever you decide, I know it's not easy and I'm sorry you're experiencing this. Take care and good luck!
2007-02-22 22:42:29 · answer #2 · answered by Michele D 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She's such a B...? You can't trust that woman because if she slept with other married guys at work, she can do the same thing with your husband. Be careful. On the other hand your husband should understand how you feel and should also stop buying her luch, that doesn't seem nice at all, and she is probably loving it. Hang in there. Don't quit your job, don't make it easy for her because that's probably what she wants.
Good Luck!
2007-02-22 22:42:14 · answer #3 · answered by Beba 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think his behavior is wrong. He is your husband, yet he will actually fight with you about her. I assume he knows this behavior hurts you. If you have only told him that it annoys you, make it perfectly clear that it does hurt you. Tell him that he should not be buying her lunch, drinks or anything else for that matter because she is his subordinate, and it could put him in line for a sexual harassment suit, and with the conversations you have had with her, she is not above pulling that.
He never should have confided how much you make to her. That is absolutely none of her business. I don't know. I would lay some ground rules right now.
2007-02-22 22:40:42 · answer #4 · answered by kalea_kane 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
both of them need the **** slapped out of them. how the **** is he gonna spend money on someone other than you! especially a freak from work who he knows you have an issue with.
i find that most men do things even more when they notice it gets you heated.
you should get dressed up and made up and just start going out alot. even if you have nowhere to go. don't let him know that.
he will think you are ******* off when you aren't and if he really cares he will want you to stop which will start the discussion of him stopping being such an asshole.
and furthermore, you need to grow some balls and go to that ***** and tell her to not even look in the direction of your husband and if he EVER offers to buy her something she better decline or don't let you find out about it.
i guess she found the right one cuz she woulda quit by now if it were me. i would have every woman in the office ready to drag her by the neck.
i feel sorry for you since you feel like you are stuck. i'm sure there are some men there wanting to flirt with you as well. start flirting in front of him and see how he likes it.
when you catch them flirting in front of you bust them out as loud as you can. if they feel uncomfortable they may stop it!
2007-02-22 23:23:37 · answer #5 · answered by showstopper18 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girlie,
You suddenly feel like an "outsider" don't you? I know how you feel, I was in your shoes with the same kind of "Hoochie" man-hunter, and at the time my Husband then flirted back with an employee. Well, I was insecure and didn't do anything but FRET over the "supposed" friendship but instead I started disliking him then I found someone who treated me better and life got better!
It's not right for a Husband to treat his Wife the way you and I were treated by our Husbands!
Make him choose! That's what I'd do!!!!!!!
2007-02-22 23:07:49 · answer #6 · answered by julesrules 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW thats a HUGE issue!!! The only good thing about this is that you know how that woman operates better keep a close eye on her and your hubby. The other good thing is that you trust him a lot of women would not trust their husbands if he was doing that. Also I think its kind of fishy that he buys her things like that. She sounds like more than just an assistant.
2007-02-22 22:46:34 · answer #7 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i understand you whole heartedly. you are not wrong for feeling this way. your husband is not following his marriage vows. how is buying this lady drinks and lunch,and giving out your personal information showing that he understands your point of view? he clearly doesnt. not only is he violating your vows but his work ethics. im not gonna say leave him cause that can be easier said than done although i feel you should, but do to the fact that you work with him and is married to this man; i know you love him too much to let go right now. you dont deserve this treatment and you gotta get that message across. youve already tried talking to him so the only thing left to do is let him go. only on your own time though. you cant change any one who isnt willing to change for themselves. so when you get tired of being treated like you are then you'll leave! i wish you well.
2007-02-22 22:54:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but you need to make a stand, tell your husband that if he values your marriage he will not be on anything other than a professional level with this low down girl.
Tell him if you see him and her flirting, telling secrets, having secret meetings, or buying her anything, then you will march right to the Head Honcho and complain loud and long.
He needs to prove that he is trustworthy after such a disgusting display.
Remember, your feelings ARE important.
2007-02-22 22:40:00 · answer #9 · answered by Wendy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would talk to your hubby about she is sleeping around with men in other departments including names if you know them and that she told you this personally. Then speculate what kind of STD's she might have. If she is after your hubby and you want to keep him the war is on. Also i would start putting all your paycheck in a separate account with just your name on it in case he decides to leave you. If he asks why tell him you don't want him spending your hard earned money on another woman it is wrong. Go to marriage counseling if you can even if he won't go with you.
2007-02-22 22:59:34 · answer #10 · answered by bubbles 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Start flirting with guys like she does that's what you husband is looking for . Open your top up a little so guys are looking at you that should wake the pig up. If that's the kind of slut he wont's then give it to him. You don't have to be a stick pin flash a boob out and i guarantee guys are going to look.
2007-02-22 22:50:52 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋