delaying divorce?

Question

Anyone out there have suggestions on how to live with your spouse til the kids are grown? He's cheating on me and we agreed to wait til kids are done with school. We are trying to get along, but it's hard. We don't fight in front of the kids. I'm just having a hard time dealing with this.

Answer 1

WOW! That sucks. There is never any good time for a divorce.... I have been there & done that.... I am very luck to be good friends with my ex.... We thought that would be the best way to deal with our split up... We did joint costidey on the kids... I have them during the day he has them at night. We still get together & have family time. with the kids... It is hard to be apart from my kids all the time but having them half the time is better then not having them at all... & believe it or not they understand why we split up & why we live the way we do. Without us the parents having a good life it does affect the kids in one shape or form.... So I think that maybe for you not to stay together & be honest with the kids... Don't cut down the spouse that is cheating on you... that only makes things worse...
Good luck I hope that I helped you out....
Every body is different... that seemed to work out for us..
Take Care
Razorang40 :")

Answer 2

there is really no easy way to go back and act as if nothing happened, when u know he is probably still cheating on u. best to make him move, he just isn't ready to leave u yet, maybe for financial reasons, maybe the new girlfriend still has to get a divorce if she is married. he is living there for convenience only. the time u spend with him is not doing u any good emotionally, best to just get it over with and get a divorce, and get rid of the cheater. he just don't want to have to pay the child support he would have to pay. think u need to boot hi out and file for divorce, and get rid of him, and let the home wrecker have him. chances are if u have to live with him, that u are going to keep hurting, knowing what he is doing to u. get some self respect, divorce him while u are still entitled to child support, so u can make a new life, because honestly the older we get the less chance of meeting someone else in life. he has someone else so it is not hurting him at all, dump this man. he is staying for his own convenience only.

Answer 3

If this is the agreement the 2 of you made and have decided to live with, then you need to think of him as a room mate... I could NOT do what you are doing, very few women or men could.... Living seperate lives as husband and wife in the same house ?? *sigh*, that is not natural and against the laws of God.. if I may say..... anyway, If you can not go on this way I suggest you sit down with him and get a few rules and such on paper..... but I am still NOT sure if this is as healthy for the kids as the 2 of you think !!! God bless

Answer 4

it depends how old your kids are....if they're under 10, wait for a while. My parents divorced when i was 11. it wasn't really that big a deal. kids know a lot more, so they might see it coming... anyway, if you do get a divorce b4 ur kids are out, at least let them choose whoe they want to live with, and grant the dad visitation rights.

Good Luck.

Answer 5

I'm not sure that's best for your kids...

if the kids watch you do things the way you are, and grow up to do the same things for their kids, will that be the quality of life that you were hoping for for them?

I would suggest marriage counseling if you want to stay together, and consider the idea that maybe it isn't for the kids after all.

Good luck

Answer 6

That's a tough one. I do admire your determination to keep the marriage intact for the children, but there are certain "deal-breakers" in a marriage, adultery being one of them. If you don't work through this with counseling, then the resentment is sure to build up, and that's not fair to you. Why do you feel you have to put up with his cheating? I don't know how old your kids are, but if he has no interest in stopping this cheating, then I wouldn't feel any obligation to "protect" his image from them. It is what it is, and he has to be accountable.

Answer 7

It is not good for the kids to be in this situation, kids are very resilient, how are they supposed to learn love and intimacy if there only example (their parents) aren't in love. Believe me, kids know what's going on. When your kids are grown, it will still affect them, but they will have a harder time bouncing back. Your kids would want you to find someone to be happy with.

Answer 8

2 things to think about

1) Your kids deserve to grow up in a happy home and the home can't be happy unless all the people in it are happy.

2) You are modeling to them right now. If they see you sacrificing your happiness for "the family" they may do the same thing when they get older.

My sister pointed these things out to me when I was considering divorce. I've been happily divorced for 2 years now.

Answer 9

If it is for one or two years, you can stick it out.

If it is longer than that get a divorce. It is good for the mental health of all the parties.

Kids are better off with one loving parent, than with two fighting parents. Don't under estimate them. They know what is going on

Answer 10

The other day I was talking to a friend who's parents recently divorced..she is 35... Her parents had waited, and wasted a lot of life they could have been living happier if they had separated earlier.

my friend said when they did finally divorce, she was relieved, because her only memories of them together were when they were unhappy...