How do I let go?

Question

I have been married now for 2 1/2 years. My first mistake was marrying him after 1 month. Things seemed perfect for the first two months, then went down hill form there. In the first six months of our marriage he was abusive. I knew I should have left, but he has this way of making me feel like it is all my fault and that i make things up in my head. (which I DO NOT) Anyhow, I stayed with him. His job required him to leave the country for a year and I had to stay behind. I found out a week after he left that I was pregnant. Sadly, I had a miscarriage shortly after. For the next year he was gone, all we did was fight on the phone. It was like living in hell. We have now been living together again for almost a year. I really don't feel the same way I used to for him. As a matter of fact, I can't stand him most of the time. I think that I stay because he provides me with some sort of security. I want to move on, but don't know how. I feel as though I can not make it alone

Answer 1

You're scared!!!Not so much of him as you are scared of the UNKOWN.First of all...this is normal,but girls like us don't recognize normal!!Somewhere along the way the messages our brain sends to the rational part of our thinking was screwed with-accidentally or not!!So girls like us believe as long as we can control the situation we might be safe.So we attract and are attracted to insecure emotionally damaged boys-parading as men!!We believe we are "better" than them-however that may be!Somehow we "feed" off eachother.Then days lend to years and before you know it....You wake up and realize "Oh my God!!! I wasted 14 years of my life to this????????"Welcome to my world!You have almost lost 3years already!! I know what is on the otherside-Dont wait to be pushed there...volunteer!!!!! Only you girl can decide - life is to short.......

Answer 2

An abusive and controlling relationship is never any good. You really should get out before you get pregnant again. It will be even more of a dilema if there are kids involved. You can make it alone! There are much better guys out there. I love my wife to death and we've had some bumpy times. But we've weathered those storms and have only grown stronger as a couple. Don't let yourself be held down anymore. Be strong and best of luck.

Answer 3

I know where you're coming from. I've lived it and still married after nine years. I separated last Spring and came back in October 2006. However, I'm ready for a divorce. My husband is trying, but the love is gone. Don't stay and waste your life with this man. He won't change. Get out and stay gone. You're worth more. I'm working on myself and going to leave again this year after I get some financial things taken care of.
No man is worth the misery and love doesn't hurt like that. It's not love he's giving you, it's pain.

Answer 4

You should have gotten out of this back then,DO NOT believe him when he blames you for what he does,it is one of the abuser's favorite tactics, others are promising he'll change,that things will be different,they won't.Tell him you are leaving and don't let him talk you out of it, it'll not be easy at first but eventually things will work out, there should be women's support groups in your area,give them a call it's always a good thing to find others who know what you're going thru.You deserve better.

Answer 5

Sweetie first of all if he was abusive..Forget him. Been there.
Being away for a year and then coming back..been there too.
If you feel it in your heart then you need to go with that. Your heart won't lie. Never feel like you can't do it on your own. You are better than that

Answer 6

Move out tonight, if not Tomorrow. He is not going to change and it's NOT your fault
Good luck

Answer 7

Sounds like you need confidence in yourself... until you get more confidence in yourself you wont move on...

Answer 8

leave and don't look back