I have the most wonderful fiance - he is everything i ever wanted. We have a good relationship (of course like all relationships it has its ups and downs) and i am pregnant with our first child. I love him deeply and have no doubt that we are meant to be. We have a wonderful sex life and i'm deeply attracted to him.
However - before my fiance and i got together i was with my ex for 5 years. We never really got along - our relationship was rocky all the time but the sex was absolutely mindblowingly fantastic! I really believe (now - in hindsight) that sex was the connecting factor between us - our chemistry was explosive - he was my "first love" (i met him when i was 17) but he was a jerk and i no longer harbour love for him. We are both better off without eachother.
I would never go back to the ex - i would never cheat on my fiance - but sometimes i fantasise about the sexual activities the ex and i would get up to.
Is this wrong? Does this equal betrayal in any way?
2007-02-22 13:04:16 · 14 answers · asked by Smiley One 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The "fantasizing" started when i was pregnant - didn't happen before. Sex drive is up ALOT and fiance - although he loves sex, is always very "careful" to make sure i'm comfortable and baby is in no danger (not that baby would be) .... and i can't convince him to just throw me on the bed and have his way with me because, first, he'd have to position a pillow under me delicately! Argh - i'm a woman with needs damn it! LOL
*sorry for rant.. hate being treated like i'm breakable*
2007-02-22 13:18:51 · update #1
Jeff B
I try! Truly! But he always slows it down to something more delicate!! Its not through lack of trying on my part though!!! lol
2007-02-22 13:59:49 · update #2
LMFAO! you miss the animal sex. there is nothing absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. my husband did that to me. we had sex all over the place. doing all sorts of crazy things. then i was pregnant and i was being treated like a porcelin doll.
work on your husband slowly. maybe he'd not comfortable with who he is sexually yet. you love him. he loves you. make your own sex memories together.
edit. one more thing. don't ever tell your husband that sex was better with your ex. ever.
2007-02-22 13:29:04 · answer #1 · answered by Bella 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have these feelings always been there? or are they there because you are pregnant your hormones are raging and you want to have sex? not good sex but great sex.
It's true that there are some things as emotional infedelity but It's the love that you feel that is what matters. If you truly love your fiance and have no feelings for the other person then it's okay to lust a little. I mean who hasn't wished to have sex with johnny deep or (fill in the blank) Decide what it is you want or lack and then talk to your fiance.
Remember at the end of the day sex should not be the base of any relationship. Sex stops, love doesn't.
2007-02-22 21:14:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not cheating, but I do understand why it would make you feel uncomfortable. Is it possible that you're just looking at this from the grass-is-greener perspective? Maybe the sex wasn't super great, it just seems that way now? It's ok to fantasize, but I think what you should do is spice up your current love life w. your fiance. I guess you're pregnant, so that might have to wait till after baby, but I don't think you have any real problems. Just remember that your ex was a jerk and how much happier overall you are now.
2007-02-22 21:14:57 · answer #3 · answered by Principessa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No its VERY normal! lucky you! Just take control and maybe role play, that way you dont feel guilty for thinking about someone else, coz ur both pretending to be someone else. Of course you love him but sometimes sex and love arent connected. Its a bit wrong, but with ur hormones! I'm 99% sure Im preg and I've been getting that too! But unfortunately for me, we both agreed not to have sex again until our wedding,(may-ish??) so its hard!!(so to speak! lol) just go for it and he'll get used to it. u need to tell him that hes not gonna hurt the baby and , as elegantly as possible, to F*** da SH** out of ya! LOL! good luck!
2007-02-23 06:31:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're betraying him b/c you're not even in contact with you ex much less sexually active. I believe it is the hormonal changes you're going through. Teach your fiance those moves and whenever you're thinking about your ex amazing sex making, go to your fiance and make love to him with both body and heart.
2007-02-22 21:25:19 · answer #5 · answered by BeckhamGirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you throw him on the bed and show HIM that you're not breakable just cause you're pregnant. Do him like you want to be done.
2007-02-22 21:25:11 · answer #6 · answered by jeff b 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No just healthy fantasy. But your job now is the teach your new man to do what the old one did. I think you both might enjoy the journey
2007-02-22 21:10:08 · answer #7 · answered by smilingtalker_au 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have your fantasies all you want my dear. There is nothing wrong with it. Just as long as your not having these fantasies while your having sex with your fiance.
2007-02-22 21:14:15 · answer #8 · answered by jenny 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not wrong, it's called memories. Same as any other nice thing that has happened to you in life. Stop worrying, you're not abnormal, most of us do it!
2007-02-22 21:17:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No dear, you are certainly not betraying your fiancee. Its just fantasies of your ex.. Dun worry and be happy. Congratulations for being a mum.
2007-02-22 21:25:27 · answer #10 · answered by sweet_gal 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋