On one hand, my husband is a great husband and father. He works hard, makes very good money, is very responsible, does not hang out (or even go out!), is patient and loving with his kids, and me, too, most of the time.
However, when we disagree, he becomes a totally different person. He belittles me, makes personal attacks, disagrees with me just to provoke me, etc. And, he does one thing that really hurts my heart... he lies to me ABOUT ME! For instance, he'll say "you always to that" or "I've seen you do that before" to something I honestly have never done or said. I often feel like he's trying to make me think I'm crazy and be emotionally manipulative. Anyway, I don't fight or get mad. I just stay silent b/c I HATE to fight. I just walk away and yes, continue to resent him. I keep thinking about divorce b/c we just can't communicate our negative feelings. If you can't resolve issues in a marriage, what hope is there??? Help! What should I do?
2007-02-22 12:55:23 · 11 answers · asked by Falina T. Rayon 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The first question i would ask you is? Do you want to stay married to him ? If so, since you dont like to argue i would write him a letter telling him what you stated here. Tell him that its affecting your feelings towards him and your marriage. Tell him you would like to go to couples counseling to learn communication skills . If he attacks you for this.separate , to show your serious, if he does not agree then to counseling
you have to divorce because resentment on one thing creates resentment in all things big and small
2007-02-22 13:08:49 · answer #1 · answered by xx4real4lifexx 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need help. If you never speak up then he knows you can be kept down. I am divorced and have been told that the only reason he never hit me was because I did as I was told and never crossed him, one day I just got tired of being told how wrong I was all the time and divorced him. Obviously there is more to this but I suggest you try and do something. Living in silence is not the answer.
2007-02-22 13:29:08 · answer #2 · answered by bobblehead 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a nice challenge here. For the kids, you really need to go the extra mile. You two need some good counseling. Not the feel good crap so much of it is. Try your pastor or some religious leader if you don't go to church.
Otherwise, he wants to provoke a response out of you. He probably finds your silence as annoying as you find his bitterness.
Many times couples find themselves in a "dance" of death. They keep doing the same destructive thing over and over. You need to speak up and stand up to him. You need to communicate more. After you do these things he will probably change, but it will take a while to change habits.
Anyways. It is time for a change and do it like YESTERDAY.
.
2007-02-22 13:05:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I highly recommend marriage counseling. And don't give up on the first try. You may have to try several counselors before you find the one that is right for you. It is hard to do but you owe it to your family to at least give it 100% and see if someone outside your situation can make your husband understand what he is doing. Communication is the most common problem in most relationships but it can be fixed if you are both willing to try. It may seem hopeless but a counselor might be able to help.
2007-02-22 13:05:03 · answer #4 · answered by autumn0253 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men are very thick headed. I was in the same thing in my marriage and it took her leaving me for me to understand. I am not telling you to get a divorce, but you have to let him know how you feel. If he don't listen go to him with a friend and let him know again how you feel and if you both can't resolve to problems what you have to do. I wish you the best, I know what you are going through is very difficult. Don't ignore it take care of it with love and compassion.
2007-02-22 13:13:01 · answer #5 · answered by fentonshaggy2003 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is harboring resentment which is coming out in a passive aggressive manner. Communication is the key along with prayer. Remember marriage is a lifetime commitment. Good luck to you and your family.
2007-02-22 13:03:48 · answer #6 · answered by believer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to calmly tell him how you feel. if he tries to hurt you with words, hurt him back. i know there are some very annoying things that he does and you need to get it off your chest. don't do it around the children. but stand your ground. you are much to smart to be pushed around like that. trust me once you let loose, you will feel a hell of a lot better. and maybe he'll think twice about insulting your intelligence. good luck.
2007-02-22 13:05:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is not any longer something struggling with somebody from remarrying an analogous individual. It occurs in Soaps all the time. :) i might basically wish that they undergo a pair counseling to discover what rather has replaced in view that they have divorced.
2016-09-29 12:09:15 · answer #8 · answered by puzo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you both need to grow up, you both need to go to a councilor, and you both need to learn to argue constructively, not distructively. He switches to control mode when arguing...not very good idea. You switch to "freeze out mode" when he starts in. You two are headed for some serious problems if you don't get this straightened out now. Good luck
2007-02-22 13:00:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
too long, but who is ever the same after they marry. unless you are some old guy who has married like 80 times but even then it can still change him. just talk to him. his changes probably changed you and your not the same person.
2007-02-22 13:03:24 · answer #10 · answered by azehriad 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋