restlessness Wife?

Question

I am married for 5 years now with two kids. My husband has been good to me; worked very hard, and provide everything for our kids and we have a good life. But 4 months ago, he has contacted his ex... (just to give you guys a background - he and his ex broke up because she aborted their child without notifying him). When I found out that my husband has contacted his ex 4 months ago, and up to now he still contact her - his reasoning is "revenge". and that it has nothing to do with me. He said that he is no intention and his only intention is to realize what a good man he is..... but I found out more other stuff; my husband lied to me about how he went out with his boys one night; in all actuality, he went out with his ex.......so then I questioned him about this?... He said that he wants to make sure she knows what her missing.......i guess up to this point, I am confused. I guess to any of the guys out there ----- have you heard of this "revenge" before?

thank you all for your responds. I do appreciate it. I am confuse because I don't know what to believe anymore. After all this incident and even durng this incident, he doesn't go out - only that one day he lied... but i guess a liar is a liar. Only one thing that is doubting me about all this is that I truely love him. I am only 26 and I've gone through so much with this guy. We have a huge house and beautiful kids.... I'd like to stay, but don't know if I will be at peace.... I am confuse because he is my first everything, and as a Man I thought they'd treasure that??... perhaps he is taking me for granted and that I'd stay no matter what... people I ran away from a different state to marry this guy... (so history is there)... I guess I am making lots of excuses here huh? ...

Answer 1

Mam, he's lying! It's NOT revenge he's after.....it's HER he's after. That excuse he's giving you is the lamest one I ever heard. Don't fall for that line of crap. He's lying, cheating, and who knows what else.

Answer 2

Thank you for sharing. I have to go with Violet Pearl and add that if it were me and I wanted to show my "revenge" to my ex I would bring you with me to meet her and let that be known. FYI: It has EVERYTHING to do with you!! As for what she's missing I would give less than a dam*! His absence alone should scream missing to her. I would venture she already knows that and that's why she's back in his life!!

I'm sorry but I can't understand your confusion. At all. 4 months?

You want to do the right thing. Allow me this; if you quietly accept this behavior and find out later there is even more to this history you will have compromised your position to effectively deal with any and all related problems that will surely come up. The only thing worse you could do is learn, forgive, and then forget and just let him back without a single condition or demand. You don't have to the bi*ch about it b/c "firm" works just as well. I feel it safe to say this is merely the tip of a potential -that's potential!- renegade iceberg. Lay out some ground rules. See what happens.

Two kids you say? Five years married? Hmmmm.

Answer 3

Good man seeking revenge- Ouch! Not likely possible and it sounds like he is just feeding you lines.

Your DH shouldnt be worried about "what SHE is missing". Why would he be unless he is missing her or he has severely low self esteem...either way he needs his head checked.

The best revenge is said to be living your live well.

The only thing he could possibly do to actual get the revenge, if that is what he really needs, (and why would he need it?) would have been to tell her her is in love with a beautiful woman who mothered his children and the two of you are forever, destined souls. He should have thanked her politely and say he found his soul mate (implying she wasnt it).

Instead he went looking for her, made a point to see her and is hanging out with her. WHY?

Please sit down and talk with your DH. What he is doing isnt right. If not, call his ex up and confront her.


Maybe one of your exes would be interested in taking you out for a night on the town ?

P

Answer 4

Baby, no need of him to take revenge on her. Just ask him is it revenge or lust on her? Damn ****, there is no such thing as a man taking revenge on his ex as he has everything that he once yearns for.. Don ever let him go and see her again or else; they might end up making love and she would be carrying another baby of him. She has no business with him to realise how good is he unless he wants to patch up things. Better still go and talk to his ex and ask her what are they both up to. Dun worry dear everything would be fine for you. MAy god bless you and your family.

Answer 5

Okay...you asked guys but...What does he care about revenge on his ex? This man has been married to you for five years, and instead of enjoying what he has, he wants to worry about his ex knowing it? That is odd on way too many levels and unhealthy for both the two of you and your marriage.

Personally, I would tellhim he needs to get over this revenge need and get on with your lives.

Answer 6

Whatever the reason, he really has no business dating his ex girlfriend. He's a married man with children, who is or was seeing another woman and lying about it. His idea of revenge insults his wife, and makes him look like a cheater- hardly the behavior of a "good man". It really doesn't let her know you have a good marriage and a good man. Sorry

Answer 7

Hon you need to wake up here. This is not for revenge at all. He had no real reason to call her or contact her at all. I think he still has feelings for her and in the back of his mind he wants her back in his life. He should stop all contact with her and focus on his marriage and life with you. If he does not or will not stop contact then you need to move out and on with your life without him in it.

Answer 8

This smells fishy to me. I'm not a guy, but I think that your husband is betraying you right now. What does he have to prove to this girl? That he is a good man? He is not acting like one right now. Talk to your husband and tell him how this is bothering you. He needs to stop, before he gets to deep into this relationship with his ex. Maybe he has feelings for this girl again. And he is lost in the moment with her, and reminiscing. This is truly a danger for your marriage, get him to end it now. Or if he does not, separate for awhile, until he decides what to do.

Answer 9

your husband is still living in he past, he thinks that he is Gods gift to women and that his ex regrets losing such a great man. What you husband needs is to see a shrink to clear his head up. Sorry but he is a mess.... he needs to make a decission.... You got to give him an ultimatium, if this continues he can stay with his ex, and say good bye to his wife and kids.

Answer 10

number one:

even if he is telling the truth that he is not doing anything with her,
how many guys do you know go out with there x? and expecially if they hate them. if he hates her as much as he says, why would he even want to speak to her or talk to her or be in the same room as her!?

and how would he like it if you went out with your x and you lied about it and he found out!?

when you lie about things, you usually have a reason for doing it. his reason was he did not want you to know he was going out with her. so he lied.

being secretive, means your hiding something.

i would not be happy if my man went out with his x.
no matter what the reason!
even if thats his old babys mama, i still would not want them hanging out.

thats not cool.
i have been in the exact situation as you!
and if i could do it over again, i would leave him faster then i could speak!

just make sure you got your facts straight! you dont want to leave him if he is not cheating, you already built this life with him.
you should try to work it out.
but make sure that when hes going out with the boys, that you have some real proof.
he lied one time. he will lie again. just make sure you talk to his x, and get her outta the picture!