I need some feedback on this poem for school!!
[not for punctuation]
WHen I am sad
When I am sad I think about laughter on a rainy day, the smell of my favorite foods and going to bed early after a bad day
WHen I am sad, I think about the smell of a new car, the taste of my moms chicken soup and the music that's stuck in my head.
When I am sad I think about my sister coming home from college, the sound of a pencil scribbling away, and the clapping as I walk up to the podium
When I am sad I think about all the happy things in life and how lucky I am to have the life that I have today
2007-02-22 11:53:39 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
well, not all poetry is in verse and in rhyme.
so anyway, about the poem...
it wasn't exactly the painting-the-imagery type of poetry. as a fellow poet, I suggest you use more figures of speech to create the picture slowly, instead of bringing out the big picture.
honestly, if you take away the structure, it'll sound like an essay. poetry isn't like that. if you take away the structure, fine, it will be an essay too, but it would be..well, poetic.
2007-02-23 21:31:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
As a poet...I liked it very much....Make sure you keep copies of your poems, you may want to publish them someday.
2007-02-22 20:13:19 · answer #2 · answered by Jan P 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm a poet myself and this was a great poem.
2007-02-22 20:47:43 · answer #3 · answered by leah 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
SUPERB!
But isn't a poem supposed to be written in verse, and rhyme? Prose doesn't rhyme.
I love yours, whatever it is.
2007-02-22 20:00:42 · answer #4 · answered by Zeera 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
hmm.. what did you think when you are happy?
smell of old car? :)
2007-02-25 23:26:29 · answer #5 · answered by deval_agrifarman 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
read this poem and you'll be sad but after reading it you'll be happy.
2007-02-22 19:59:50 · answer #6 · answered by jajajajammmmmmmmmm 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I LOVE IT!!! Good for you. And Well done!!
2007-02-23 01:04:30 · answer #7 · answered by concernedjean 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋