I want to start swinging but my wife does not, how do I convince her that it is ok?

Question

We are very open minded and I am trying to learn something about my wife. I think she has a side that is wanting to come out and I want to see it. I think it would be good for us at this stage in our marriage.

Answer 1

DO NOT DO THIS!! me and my husband have been married for 11 years we have been swinging for 2 and a half and it has been great but would you like to know why? WE WERE BOTH ON THE SAME PAGE ABOUT IT!! NEITHER ONE OF US TALKED THE OTHER IN TO IT!! and if you do it can and will rip your marriage apart i know this like i know my name it will not be a good thing!! if she says no then you must LISTEN TO HER AND LET IT BE you have every right to express your desires to her but then you must except the answer she gives you and except that it may be something that wont happen!! THERE IS NO WAY TO TALK SOMEONE IN TO THIS WITH OUT IT GOING BAD! it is normal to be nervous when first starting out but if she is out right saying no then that's a whole different thing it means NO! I BEG YOU AND I HOPE YOU HEAR ME! please take it from someone who is in the lifestyle and has friends who are none of them were talked in to it by a spouse they all came willing maybe nervous but willing and those who don't end up in divorce court so think about this please! its not for everyone in this lifestyle it takes only one NO to mean NO so if she is saying NO then that's it unless you want to end up with out her!

Answer 2

Speaking as the male half of a couple that has tried it, I cannot give you one suggestion as to how you could "convince" your wife.

Why? Because if both people don't totally agree that it might be fun or interesting, you're going to get the blame for anything that goes wrong, and believe me, the risks far outweigh the "benefits."

When we experiemented with it, we were in our late 30s - early 40s, and it was a mutual agreement. Nobody "talked" anybody into trying anything.

We were very fortunate, in that we met a younger couple that was both good looking and fun to be with. They had real personality. That relationship lasted almost a year and it was fantastic.

However, several other ones were not as successful.

Unless you just get totally lucky like we did, what you're going to experience is something like interviewing people for a job. You're basically trying to find a four-way match. Given how unsuccessful just couples are, do the math. The "interviewing" gets old in a real hurry.

You might find a couple with a beautiful woman, and the guy is just a dick. You can't ask your wife to accept that. And, the situation might be vice-versa.

There's the possibility for jealousy, hurt feelings, performance anxiety, a whole host of negative emotional things, not to mention STDs - which should be the first consideration. There is the chance that you could contract something you'll have for the rest of your life.

And what if your wife happens to like some personality or sexual aspects of this other guy more than she likes yours?

All kinds of bad possibilities.

I'm not trying to scare you out of it; just painting a realistic picture.

You don't want to even consider "twisting her arm" about it. She's got to think it's a good idea all on her own.

And your relationship had better be rock solid, because swinging is not going to "fix" any kind of problem you might have; it'll only get worse.

If after all that, you eventually end up giving it a try, good luck. Be careful. Practice safe sex, and I hope you have fun.

Answer 3

Here is some great information from The Swingers Board about this very subject:

How do I convince my partner to swing?

This is probably one of the most common questions we see on the message board. Basically, you DON'T CONVINCE your partner to swing. Swinging is not for everyone, and it might not be for you and your partner. Before you think about trying to convince your partner to swing you should first look at yourself and examine the reasons you wish to swing. Are you wanting to swing so that you can "get more action", if so, then don't bother. This is not the lifestyle for you. If, however, you want to swing because you want to help your partner live out fantasies while living out your own, or because you want to share the most special part of your life (your partner) with others, then you can start looking at how to talk to your partner about swinging. You may not even need to convince your partner. They may already be more than willing, all you have to do is let them know that you are. On the other hand, they may not have ever thought about it. Communication is the key to opening all of the doors here. The first thing you need to do is talk to them about your fantasies. Be open to any questions that they may bring up and be prepared to answer why you want to do this. If your partner lets you know that they have no interest in the lifestyle, then back off. Pushing them will get you nowhere. However, if you can mention your fantasies to your partner, and if they are turned-on to your fantasies then you will have a much better chance of opening the lines of communication again and the chances of taking things further will increase.

Answer 4

Good for you at this stage in your marriage? Oh, are you about to divorce? Threesomes are the death of marriages. Believe it or not you will eventually despise your wife and call her a whore when it was you that pushed her. You don't need this grief.

Also, this is a big step into sexual addiction. There was a couple here in town that sexually swung. Their daughter was raped and murdered one night while they were at a bar "swinging."

The wife gave strangers "oral gratification" in the parking lot that particular night. Later, when they were questioned by the press where their daughter was, for she was missing several days, she would smile and look off into the distance, remembering the sex acts. That's how far gone they were. As the weeks wore on, she definitely woke up, but not before getting a divorce and having an empty child's bedroom from then on.

I'm not saying swinging will get your kids killed, but it will make an animal of you and your misses. Stop now. Keep your sexual fantasies between you and your wife.
.

Answer 5

You think it would be good for your marriage to push your wife into doing something that she doesn't want to do or isn't ready to do ? Either way, you are going to be in for some sad suprises if you push hard enough.

Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with swinging. I have a problem with spouses who try to force or guilt their partners into agreeing to a lifestyle that emotionally they probably cant handle. Yes it's big deal, you could destroy all of her trust in you and in so doing push her right out the door.

Answer 6

Slow down, what you think and what you know are two different things. If your wife is open minded, I don't think swinging is the way to start the "stage" off. Maybe discuss bringing in another partner, her choice of male or female. If she doesn't want to do that, then maybe you should cool your jets and not assume that what you would like to do is also her interest.

Answer 7

This is an area that should have been discussed before you got married. If she doesn't want to go there, nothing you can do will change her mind. If you pester her about it you'll only drive her away. How comfortable are you bringing another man into your bedroom? She may be interested in that but it's not a guarantee that she will want you around another woman. Like I said.....should have talked about this before you get married.

Answer 8

Just like you want and desire you swing some others have a want and desire not to and the biggest turn on for them is having sex with their mate. And it's a major major turn off for them to have sex with others.

If she doesn't want to do this and you do, don't try to convince her to do it. You are trying to push her into doing something that she doesn't want to. She may want to try and make you happy at her expensive. She may try getting drunk to do it but the bottom line is....if this isn't her on the inside it will cause severe emotional problems and possibly depression.

I really think you should get a divorce and find someone else who is willing and not put her through this! Really....being opened minded doesn't mean that is what you want for yourself.

Your sex addiction may not be hers! Let her go before you cause harm!

Answer 9

i asked my wife to think about it several times i wanted a mfm with her finally i dropped it . then a year later asked again and found out she had been doing it with three of my friends from work . she said that is what i wanted she tried it and liked it and had been doing it ever since and did not intend to stop . i told her i had planed to be involved when it happened . she did not understand that part and said she could not do it with me present so she continues to bang who she wants when she wants and i am not allowed to think about another woman because it was my idea that got her hooked on swinging . call me a cuckold but the sex i get from her is pretty damn hot

Answer 10

introduce her to someone she finds attractive (even one of your good friends), make sure it's someone she feels comfortable with. Joke around about her doing it with them. This will entice her. Tell her that you would like to watch her do things with them and they (as well as yourself) find her so sexy. You need to let her bone these guys without you getting anything out of it except the pleasure of knowing she enjoyed it. Once she's got a taste, she will now be open to other things. Try to see if she'd let you watch her get it on with another girl. Talk dirty to her and let her know how turned on you are about her recent trists. In other words, paint a picture for her through stories about what you want her to do and how it makes you excited. Mental stimulation is very important for women. Be patient, don't seem too anxious or show any signs of jealously. Eventually, she'll want you to join in. TADA!!!!!!!!