my boyfriend of ten years leaves me for older women?

Question

my boyfriend of ten years we have 2 kids and a morgage we came home from the pub 1 nite and all hell broke loose and he broke most of the things in r home he hit me and called me some really bad names i got the police and now he is in court since this has happend he has had no contact with my kids or myself i dont no y all this has happend did he wanna leave an went about it all the wrong way i found out he is in love with a women how is 45 and i am 25 and has moved in with her its like we no longer exsist he was the breadwinner of the family he has left us with nothing apart from a car witch is his i am toataly lost and depressed it feels like i didnt no the man i loved he was liveing a double life the affiar has been going on 4 5 years i still miss him is this normal or did i love the person he pretended 2 b he always seemed happy till that nite 3 weeks ago it kills me to no that he can b this happy not seeing his kids an leaveing or relationship what do i do

Answer 1

I really think it's sad that you never married.If you were married at least you have some kind of hold and rights for sure, but since you didn't you still can get him for child support. And yes he wanted to leave but he was to much a coward to tell you straight up.I bet this other women told him she was going to stop the affair if he didn't make a decision.And I wouldn't be surprise if this other women told him she was going to tell you and he was to scared for that, so he throws a big fit. Girl you need to think. On charisma's and new years Thanksgiving were was he, I hope with you and the kids. This other women got tried of it. In he didn't want to lose you or her.It was easier to get rid of you because you had know clue about this affair. There was know demands from you but she was giving him the demands and it's not your fault you didn't know. Most women blame themselves why our men cheat, but your going to realize it had nothing to do with you, and was his hang up, it was him that something was wrong, but whats really sad are the children now there being raised up in a broken home and this other women even though you two were not married she knew he had a family so she is a homewracker. Do you think that he ever took your kids over to her house. Men will do that. I know this behavior because my husband use to do it. Make fights for know reason to have excuse why he leaves for weeks and sometimes a month. He tell me he was out of town.I didn't buy that, he was with other women. In now he lives with her too. It's a good thing you got the police involved you had no choice. I understand that. But him he's going to hold that against you. And this other women she will feed his head in he will by into it. It's something she been doing all along to be with him.In don't be surprise if he marrys her. I bet that's what she wants and now she really going to do all right things to get him to marry her. That's what I was saying about you never marry him. She going to stick her claws in you and him he so weak he will let her. And I know it will hurt you badly. And let me ask you. He been seeing this other women for 4 to 5 yrs and you never knew. Now that you loOK back do you see the clues.In the way you feel is ok your going to feel that way for a while. And don't be surprise that he don't try to come back. My husband try to come back every month, which that is my second marriage. My first husband he did the same, but he didn't try to come back until 4yrs later. But am not with either of them. Don't want to.In that feeling you got that you feel you didn't know him the man you loved, I felt the same, but later on your going to realize you did know him, you just keep your eyes wide shut.In your going to miss him a LOT at times in your going to want him back really bad, but you know want this man been lien to you for 4 to 5 yrs of your life. I know it's hard to just give up. In fact you might take him back. I did my second husband about 10 times until I truly got sick of it. In this women my husband was having affair with he was seeing her for almost a year until I found out the truth.In now he lives there with her. In sometimes I do miss him, but not enough to take him back. I will never take him back. He a cheater a liar and brakes things around the house. If I want right now I could call him up on his cell phone and he will if I want he will come home.You have to draw the line in the sand sometime. And if your wondering how I got to this point with him I realize he can't be trusted and I will never trust him and I don't want to live that life no more. The times I did take him back it was a living nightmare. I was afraid to leave the house because I didn't know if he was going to leave again, or if the phone ring or he was calling her behind my back and got to be to much. I would come home from work and he be gone. I wouldn't hear from him for weeks. Then he come home for a while then do it all again. So you see am at a place in my heart that I will never put myself though that. And for you they say time heals. No false. It's how you heal your self and what you do about it. I started to educate myself I start to read Dr. Laura C. Schlessinger has some really good books and she has a talk radio show on 640am 12noon-3pm southern ca time. And am still learning: QUICK, FINISH THIS SENTENCE: "I AM A ______________. WHO ARE YOU REALLY. STEP 1)BE STILL HOLD STEEL LONG ENOUGH TO FEEL WHAT WE REALLY FEEL AND TO KNOW WHAT WE REALLY KNOW-A PROSPECT SO TERRIFYING THAT SOME PEOPLE BOLT RATHER THAN FACE IT STEP 2)BECOME THE EXPERIENCER, NOT HE EXPERIENCE. REMEMBERING THE LABEL YOU GAVE YOURSELF. NOW REPEAT IT, BUT INSTEAD OF SAYING "I AM A BIG FAT LOSER" OR I AM A POWER EXECUTIVE SAY"I AM ONE WHO CALLS MYSELF A BIG FAT LOSER" OR "I AM ONE WHO CALLS MYSELF A POWERFUL EXECUTIVE STEP 3) PRACTICE TRUTH IN LABELING. OUR BELIEF IN LABELS, NOT THE LABELS THEMSELVES, IS WHAT GIVES THEM THE POWER TO INFLUENCE OUR BEHAVIOR. KNOWING HOW TO LET GO OF ANY GIVEN IDENTITY WITHOUT LOSING OUR ESSENTIAL SELVES YIELDS A SECURITY WE'LL NEVER GET FROM FAME, POWER,MONEY,BEAUTY. In my biggest helper was God. the man above us all. In don't think I didn't get sick over this with my second husband, I was depress to. My doctor gave me pills to sleep because i couldn't sleep at night, I started to get annexing attacks, I had to take off work. The doctor wanted me to take off a month for rest. I knew I couldn't I had to be moving. Because your mind get's wondering and that a bad thing. After my health went down and my house and my kids were kind of own there own.After I went though all that, do you know I took him back, but when he left again I didn't get sick, I refuse and every time I would get more smarter and better. And today he's missing me and crying over the phone and am pound to tell him NO.

Answer 2

The person you loved changed when he started the affair, into a scheming liar, But its only now you know the truth that you can grieve, that will take time, all sorts of feelings will engulf you, anger, fear, everything on the scale, but you did nothing wrong, neither have the children.
Give yourself time and you will find inner strength you never knew you had, honestly!
He wont be happy not seeing his kids, that will hurt and maybe when he feels things have settled a bit he'll be ready to contact you to see the kids.
Maybe he had just had enough of living this double life, but it was totally his own fault, AND he has hit you, and broken things in your home, so deep down you know there is no turning the clock back on those things.

You may not feel strong now, but you will get there, day by day
Good Luck and give those children lots of love, they'll be wondering where daddy is, you don't need to go into detail, just to say daddy still loves them very much and he's living at a new house.
He may not be contacting you about seeing the children because of the court case, again his fault entirely and I am glad you are standing up to him, and not allowing him to bully you.
3 weeks is not alot of time, but ring the job centre, and council for help, you will be entitled to financial help,

Answer 3

Oh Hayley. He probably had to go that mad so that he
could give you a reason to separate. You have been living
a lie - with a liar and a cheat. She is 20 years older than
you and should damn well know better! He was living a
double life for so long. You would not want that to carry
on would you? You are better than that. You have two
beautiful children to think about. Let him go with her and
don,t take him back when the novelty has worn off. At
the moment it is new to him. But soon he will missing his
kids. The kids need
you now more than ever - so stay strong.
YOU have got to make him pay his way and tell him you
do not want to uproot the children from the family home.
Go see a Solicitor. Good Luck and God Bless,

Answer 4

I feel so bad for you! Oh my God, that's awful. It is normal to still miss people, even though he treated you badly. I have had things done to me that aren't very nice by exes but I still thought about him all the time. You probably feel that way too because you have no bread winner now. You're feeling a bit lost. Just think you are still young and you have many many years to get all your life back together. He will be left with no family and loved ones around. He'll soon hit this other women and treat her like crap. Just think in 10 years time when she's approaching 60, will he still want to be with her? Or the mother of his kids that will only be in her 30's?? He'll soon realise how much of an idiot he has been. And Martin P is a frikkin idiot! Imagine if you'd been married to this slime ball! It would be much harder to be free of the ar$e.

Answer 5

u thought he was the love of your life, but in reality he was seeing her a while back, when a man doesn't want to be with u he will pick fights, break things, because he just doesn't want to be with u. once a man leaves often times the family he had, the wife he was suppose to love just don't exist anymore. they will start fights so they can justify their own behavior and be able to blame it on the fighting. as much as it hurts, and believe me i know, he was probably seeing this woman for quite some time, and instead of coming clean with it, or wanting therapy, he picks a fight knowing it will get him out of the house. u will miss the relationship u thought it was. but the worst thing u can do is deny it, and tell yourself he was happy, he just hid it well. u have to accept the truth, go after your child support as soon as possible. yes they are cowards they don't want to simply be truthful, they have to pick fights in order to be able to leave. just goes to show u, that we never really know them, maybe we never did.

Answer 6

I'm afraid you loved the man you thought he was. He has lied to you for almost half of your time together.
The fact that he behaved towards you in the way he did shows he doesn't love you and certainly does not respect you.
It will be hard for you but you will be strong for you and the kids.
Seek legal advice and inform the CSA immediately. They will take action against him to support his kids financially.

Answer 7

Are you american or english, in the UK the goverment supports single mothers. Hey your 25, stay single, your young love your kids, some poeple wil never be able too have them. Forget about men, call upon your family.

Answer 8

You loved the person you thought he was. Even though, you are still bound to feel bad after along relationship ends, even if it is you decision or not. You will find someone better, no-one deserves to be hit.

Answer 9

You made a mistake loving a lowlife. He didn't love you to begin with or he wouldn't have done this to you or the kids. You will need to file this as a big mistake you made in life and move on.

Answer 10

i think he is a coward who did this to find the easy way out let me tell you hun what goes around comes around as he has fcuked up big time he will have to go on a community domestic violence program if this is uk don't know what other country's have but he could end up locked up but he will have to pay for what he did to you and you make shore he pays for his responsibility to you and your children i know its too Early for you but you will get over it unlike him he will be sorry he did this just don't let him off the hook

Answer 11

He sure doesnt want you anymore,move on with your life,get urself a job-dnt b dependent on a man again,take care of ur kids.Goodluck