I am ready to leave my husband because his self-destruction has gotten really bad and I can't take it anymore. I have been in therapy for several years but he refuses to see that he does anything wrong. My last resort is to get him to see the importance of self-work. Is this a lost cause, or is there a productive way to convince a man that he needs help?
2007-02-22 09:29:29 · 11 answers · asked by Annie75 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can drag him to marriage counseling, but I seriously doubt that you can get him into individual therapy.
2007-02-22 09:37:42 · answer #1 · answered by tony1athome 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, ask yourself "what do I (you) want out of marriage?". If you want companionship and your husband, though annoying, is otherwise a good companion... don't worry about his other flaws, just hang tight BUT find a new man you can share intimacy with and get attention from. If you married him for money... see my previous response. If you got married like most people, for companioship and a congenial relationship.... then ask him one last time to go to therapy. Tell him how serious it is that he go or your relationship is truly over (but you HAVE to mean it if you say it), then, if he doesn't go... leave.
I'm sure you are beautiful, intelligent and fun. You will find someone else.
2007-02-22 12:30:41 · answer #2 · answered by Falina T. Rayon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry about your problem. I faced the same thing with my first wife. I learned through counseling that the only thing you can do is concentrate on what you need to do for your own health. I quite what my therapist told me, "You can't force another person to change what they are not ready to change." I was also told that if my health and well being were at risk due to a partner that wouldn't accept responsibility for it's effect on me then it was time to let that person go on their way and seek a better life for myself. I did so and never looked back.
2007-02-22 09:38:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your husband can only help himself if he wants to.
You have to think about yourself. Tell him that youve had enough and your leaving him if that doesnt spur him into acting then look after you and do what right for you otherwise you will be in therapy for the rest of your life.
good luck
2007-02-22 09:41:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same thing. I finally convinced my husband to go and I thought it would be ok. When we brought the subject up again he said he was just going because I wanted him to and that a therapist could't help. If they don't want help you can't force it on them, even if they go they may not use it. He has to want to help himself.
2007-02-22 10:04:37 · answer #5 · answered by LovinMeNow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may use positive psychology on him; focus on everything good on him, praise him for his help around the house he is doing for you (paying bills, shoveling snow), give him gentle touch.
Eventually mature love is very far from "in love" feelings, mature love is more doing things for each other...
Just try it, it doesn't cost anything.
2007-02-22 09:48:16 · answer #6 · answered by eve 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably regards therapy as a feminised talk-shop.
The best thing you can do, I suggest, is get a mutual male friend onside, and get him to suggest that your husband try it, and see.
2007-02-22 09:39:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave and tell him he can believe whatever he wants, his false belief of never being wrong isn't convincing you to stay.
2007-02-22 09:49:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him he values your relationship to go to therapy. If he still doesn't go then leave him.
2007-02-22 09:38:55 · answer #9 · answered by mr2demon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he must be nutz, he married you didn't he?
2007-02-22 10:41:07 · answer #10 · answered by stupido#1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋