Should one let a baby cry themselves to sleep or pick them up and comfort them?

Question

Have a debate with a friend, I say comfort a crying baby,other person says bad idea, let them cry.......?

Answer 1

When a baby is very young, parents/caretakers should respond quickly to their cries and comfort them. Once they're about 6 months they are capable of learning to comfort themselves, and some people, as you know, choose to let a baby "cry it out." I fervently believe there isn't a "right" answer -- as much as we may want it to be, it's not a "one size fits all" world. The same diet that works for me may not work for the next person...the same approach to helping a baby sleep may work for one person and not the next. Part of it depends on the parent, of course, but at bottom I really believe it depends mostly on the baby. Some babies, when they're comforted to sleep all the time, never just "outgrow" that need and you end up with a toddler who doesn't know how to go to sleep on her/his own. Some babies need to be rocked and comforted -- left to "cry it out" they cry so hard and for so long they vomit, with no signs of the crying abating -- and eventually let you know when they're ready to "move on," as it were. And some babies learn quickly and painlessly to soothe themselves to sleep, and are happier, more secure, and more independent for it.

Consider what your beliefs/leanings are in all this...and don't forget to listen to your baby and figure out what s/he will best respond to!

Answer 2

I always comforted my crying babies. I know a lot of people who advocate letting them cry it out say they need to learn to self-soothe, but I always wondered how someone who couldn't walk or talk or in any way care for themselves was supposed to soothe themselves. A lot of people criticized me for always running to my babies when they cried, but they are now 18 and 11 and both are GREAT kids -- very together. The 18 year old was in the National Honor Society and is now getting ready to join the Coast Guard and the 11 year old is a straight A student. I can't say that constantly picking them up when they cried as babies is what made them turn out so great, but I think every little thing you do as a parent has an impact and as I liked to tell the people who criticized me, if, when my kids are older, I feel I made a mistake, it's too late to change it then. I'd rather make a mistake truly believing in my heart that I was doing the right thing than to go against my instincts and later find out I should have done what I felt was right. Sadly, you only get one chance to raise a child.

Answer 3

Always comfort a crying baby. You should never let a baby cry themselves to sleep its cruel and mean and I believe its a form of child abuse. Babies are babies and need the comfort and reassurance. Fair enough letting a 3 yr old cry themselves to sleep, they have the ability to understand that its bedtime and they need to go to sleep. Babies dont all they know is something is wrong with them and the only way they can communicate is through crying. So thats what they do. They need to know that their parent s are there for them when they need them. They dont understand concepts of when to sleep or be awake, so I think its cruel to try and force them to sleep, by neglecting them.

Answer 4

It depends on the age of the baby. If your baby is under 6 months old comfort them. If the baby is fed, burped, clean and dry and over 6 months old I would do comfort crying, crying it out, controlled crying what ever you want to call it. I had the same problem only last week. My 6 month old wouldn't go to sleep unless I paced the halls etc. I had enough and I felt as though I would go insane if I had to go through that for 1 more hour! So 1 day I watched for the tired signs (rubbing eyes, pulling ears, grizzle grizzle grizzle) picked her up, put on her lullaby CD, put her in bed, said 'goodnight baby mummy loves you!' shut the door and went and make a coffee. She cryed for 2 min, walked in settle her without picking her up or talkin, said again 'goodnight baby mummy loves you' and walked out again. This time left her for 5 min and she was asleep. I only had to do that for 2 days. On the 3rd I put her to bed she went to sleep no crying no nothing. I think it was the best thing I ever did. She cryed for no longer then 5 min at at time before I would go settle her and the crying sessions only went for a max of 15 minutes. Never do it on a baby under 6 months!!!

Answer 5

You are both right. Most parents learn to distinguish between which of their babies cries needs comforting and which is just temper. I have let my children cry it out when necessary and they have turned out just as secure as other children. However it is important to pay attention to the cry. Don't let it go on for more than 5-10 mins withought comforting the baby as well if the crying is frantic or panicky definitely comfort. Again it is a matter of choice and what works for each parent. I hope this helps!

Answer 6

Depends on the reason and the age of the kid, of course! I am a huge proponant of letting a baby cry itself to sleep, assuming it is tired, full, and clean. But I would not let a newborn cry for more than a few minutes, and of course if a child falls, or is sick, or is crying for some other reason, I would comfort it. There is a difference between sleep training and comforting a baby.

Answer 7

It depends on the age of the baby and what kind of crying he/she is doing.
With a very young baby, it is probably best to always respond to the cry. It's one of the few forms of communication a tiny one has, and to ignore the attempt at communication is to tell the child "no one cares".
Once the baby is older, then it can be ok to let him/her cry, especially if you've verified that nothing is really wrong and the cry isn't of the type that suggests the child is in pain. Allowing the child to cry for a while teaches him/her to be a little more self-reliant when it comes to comfort and that mom/dad/caregiver isn't a slave! Just check in once in a while to make sure the child knows you haven't abandoned him/her.

Answer 8

depends on how old the baby is. They do not resolve all of their trust issues until 4 months old. At that point you should let them cry it out. Before then you need to pick them up within five-ten minutes. I always let my daughter cry for 10 if she didn't fall asleep I would pick her up and feed her or rock her or rub her back until she was asleep.
After 4 months old I let her sleep by herself. THe first night she cryed for 1hr 15 mins hardes thing in my life. Now she lays down and falls asleep.
Try and make a routine and stick to it.

Answer 9

Pick them up. babies only way of communicating is through cying. Babies are human and they need more then just a dry diaper, warm clothing, and food. They get scared, they get bored, they get lonely. You need a friend to lean on when you are sad and they are no different.

If you told your husbad "I'm having such a bad day, nothing is going right. And now I have a headache" and he just told you "to bad, get over it" and ignored you, you'd be pretty angry at him. Why should it be different for an infant who has much less understanding of the world, just because they cannot express how they are feeling with words?

Just imagine being in the womb for 9 months and never felt a cold breeze, never heard loud sounds, never saw bright lights, was never hungry, was always being rocked inside you, was floating in warm fluid, never felt scratchy diapers, never slept alone, and a whole load of other things...for 9 months! A infant was so safe and secure. Now they are in such a different situation, and with no control of their emotions they need someone to be there for them, not to feel that the only person who is there to take care of them has ditched them.

Infants are dependant creatures, They are not just physically dependant, they are mentally dependant too. Way more then an adult, everyone needs a friend and for right now you are the only one your baby has.

Scientifically though studies show that when babies cry alone for long periods of time it has other effects including rasing hormones in their body and reducing the oxygen to the brain both of which have shown to impeed the wiring of neurons in their brain as they develop.

Studies also show infants who are carried for 3 hours or more a day cry less.

And most people who do reccomened letting your baby cry it out (such as ferber) do not reccomened to begin until 6 months of age or older (his new updated version says 6 months, though I will put in this, Ferber actually works in sleep development for CHILDREN at harvard, not for infants, they have very different sleep abillities.)

The whole idea of crying it out was invented by a man and it is VERY old fashioned. Personally most men don't know the first thing about parenting, and I know my instincts tell me to give my baby love.

There are SO many other options to get your child to learn to sleep alone without crying it out so in my opinion I don't know why someone would when they could do it gently unless they just didn't want to spend the time to.
If you feel that not letting your baby cry is the right thing to do then do it, let your friend do what they want and tell her to let you do what you want.

Answer 10

Comfort the baby. Crying is their only means of verbal communication.