any ideas to get your marriage back on track after forgiving your spouse ?

Question

after they have admitted to having an affair ?

Answer 1

First you have to establish a beginning point....in order to move on...
Have you accepted/acknowledge what they have done?
Have you gone through the pain?
Have you forgiving the person?
Are you willing to move on with that person?

If so, try to do things that interest each other....good luck

Answer 2

Go to www.survivinginfidelity.com and read some of the articles in the library. They are full of really good advice. There are forums you can post in that are full of people going through the same thing, either the person who had an affair or the one who was cheated on.

Repairing the damage done after an affair is not at all easy, and is likely to take months or years. If the person who strayed is genuinely remorseful about what they have done, and the person who was cheated on thinks it is worth staying in the relationship, then there is at least a chance of sorting things out.

Ignore those who think the issue is black and white. You can choose to forgive someone and yet still struggle massively with doing this. You are likely to go through periods of everything being fine, and then suddenly feeling resentful and wondering why you bother. The important thing to know is that this is normal. As long as you still have reasons to stay then it is worth it. If you reach a point where you have no reasons, then it is best to call it a day.

Hang in there. And just take one day at a time.

Answer 3

That's a really tough situation to be in. I wouldn't know if I would have it in me to move past that. Trusting your spouse after such an episode would seem really hard for me. I guess it depends on a lot of things. How much do you love your spouse? Do you really think they can be different? They say that once a cheater, always a cheater... How would they take it if the tables were turned? Can you live your life without the resentment of knowing that they turned elsewhere for the things they should be desiring from you? I wish infidelity was against the law so there would be more stricter repercussions for it. Good luck with this...

Answer 4

Loads of ideas. Firstly this type of forgiveness has to come hand in hand with forgetting too. Its important not to keep bringing it up to win future arguments and/or to make that person feel terrible and thus emotionally blackmail them the whole time. It will be difficult but if you have accepted that the affair was not intended to wreck your relationship but that it filled a void and that void has been discussed, then its time to go back to basics and do 'dating' and that kind of thing. Make it sparkle again and the affair will be kept in the past where it belongs. However, problems in a relationship are no excuse for infidelity so the unfaithful partner needs to realise its the last chance.

Answer 5

If you are forgiving someone for something like that you are truly a good person. You will have to go to counseling to evaluate why the act of deception took place in the first place. And from there you will move on towards the healing. You may choose to not only go to a marriage counselor but a private counselor for yourself to deal with any unhidden anger issues. And after something like that you cannot assume that the marriage will be back on track immediatly. If the person was a friend, he/she will need to be dropped from your personal existance. This means not socializing with them. This will only hinder the healing process and lead to an unnececary fight. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 6

words mean nothing, u must forgive her trully not just say that. I assume she hurt u in the worse possible way. u are great for being able to forgive, everyone deserves a chance and can do stupid things they regret. If u will be able to put it all behing u and NEVER mention it again even if u have the worst possible fight than u can make it work. however if u will constantly remind her of that and make her feel awful (more than she already does) ull just ruin it and she will feel so guilty that her personality will just vanish with u and u will feel that she cant tell u off for anything because she has 'been forgiven'

if u can be strong do it! its worth no matter what people say, we all make mistakes, and u would feel great having a person forgive u and be able to trust u again

Answer 7

Trust needs to be rebuilt I guess, and thats not an overnight thing. Lots of talking and being real honest with each other about the reasons for the affair in the first place and making those changes in the relationship. Also bring the romance back, weekends away, candlelit dinners, surprises, massages etc. Good luck x

Answer 8

My first suggestion is to seek counseling. This should be a big help to finding the root cause of the problem, usually "cheating" is a symptom of something else. Commit more to each other and make sure you talk about things instead of holding them in. One thing I find helpful with my relationship is keeping a little notebook. I write down what is bothering me and put it away. A couple days later, I go back and read it. If it was just an emotional moment and doesn't bother me anymore, I throw the page away. If it is something I think is valid, we talk about it and try to come to an understanding. If you still love eachother, work it out! Good luck!

Answer 9

I don't know the circumstances of the affair whether it was a one night stand drunken mistake or an ongoing behind-your-back deep relationship. You must sit down and find out everything you need to know, like who, where, why and when and only when you are satisfied you know the whole truth only then can you move on and promise to never bring up the subject again. Never say you have forgiven and then keep bringing it up or you will never be able to put it behind you. Good luck.

Answer 10

It is hard to get your marriage back on track. Most likely your spouse might still continue the affair without your aware. You have forgiven your spouse. Did you let your sponse kn? It is best both of you can talk it out calmly without any fight or dispute.(if possible, seek family counsellor). Your spouse will need your full support and understanding. You have forgiven your spouse, but is your spouse ready to get the marriage back on trace? It needs mutual agreement to make effort. Be patience.

Answer 11

if the spouse is really sorry for havin the affair and is really makin an effort to move on, then both of u should just start yr relationship as if u've just met. cos u have to build trust and love again. let it be like u were datin again before u got married, doin all the things u used to do e.g. go out to cinema, eat out, spend time talkin. put the spice back in ur marriage. hope it works out for u both.