I have been married for about a year now. Yesterday a good friend of mine contacted me. This friend used to be a guy who I had a thing with when I was single. He starts telling me how I would be so Happy if I would have given him a chance . He also told me how he loved me and always wanted to be with me.
Then the worst part is he says" The real reason you married him is because your comfortable not in love" <--- that made me feel terrible I felt as if he was right....
My question is how do I know if that is true? How do i differentiate comfort from love?
2007-02-22 08:42:42 · 23 answers · asked by *jA* 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The reason we stopped seeing each other was because I wanted to give my husband (back then my ex) another chance. So basically I left the guy to get with my now husband. Thanks for all your responses.
2007-02-22 09:08:44 · update #1
Stop talking to the devils tool. Realize that the devil will use other people to get you to do wrong many times, and under the cover of being reasonable, right, mature and so forth. If he is right, then learn to love your husband. You married him, so stay there and do what you promised God, him, yourself.
Too many people think love it those butterflies you get or that tingly sensation. Wrong. That is the first stages that serve to get us together. Love is when you care about the other person and how they feel. Love is when you want to hold the head of your mate when they vomit, for you care how they feel and know they havent the strength to hold it up well on their own. Now, that isnt tingly, but that is love.
2007-02-22 09:02:34 · answer #1 · answered by Mr. JW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself. Could you live HAPPILY without your husband, or with another guy? If you truely love him, then the answer is no, but don't let people tell you because you have doubt or anything else you don't love him because that is not true. Love is hard thing to understand, and some people get confused because they want to make sure they are doing the right thing. I hate to say this, but that guy is trying to come into your relationship with your husband, and you need to chose him or your husband. If you chose ur hubby, then you need to get that guy out of your life and do everything you can to keep and make your marriage work. Any loving marriage is worth losing a friend or two, because you should let anything or anyone come between you two.
2007-02-22 16:49:24 · answer #2 · answered by Andii 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The real question is : Are you happily married?
If you are happily married, I suggest not talking to that other guy any more. He seems intent on breaking up a happy marriage, and for what?!? What's to say the relationship you have with him will be happy?
Think of all the reasons you married the one you're with. Are you willing to throw out those reasons and your spouse for someone else? Also, you said you had a fling with the guy when you were single. Why did the fling stop? Why didn't it move on to something more?
I honestly couldn't tell what you feel is comfort or love. That is something you have to decide for yourself. None of us can do it for you.
2007-02-22 16:59:19 · answer #3 · answered by jon c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well do you feel comfortable with him cus that's a part of love
if you can tell him anything and he wont judge you
and if you feel loved and valued
and if you are both equals and try to make each other better
if you have fun and you can cry and smile and be mad together and at the end of the night you can hop into bed and still get butterflies when he kissed you good night
and of course any healthy relationship is sexually healthy also but we all know all about that and we don't need to go into details
so here is a question for you if this friend of yours knows you are married and it seems like you are happy then why is he calling and trying to get you to feel bad when you are happy if he really loves you he would swallows those feelings for you so you can be happy. he sounds like a home wrecker and drama queen to me
so the bottom line is sometimes marriages get boring and sometimes you feel like putting junk in there food but that's what marriage is and if you are comfortable with him then great
and if being to comfy with your spouse is the main problem in your marriage then you are the lucky one and hold on to him as tight as you can Hun
2007-02-22 16:52:37 · answer #4 · answered by carmelfude2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
or the question could be: how can I know that this is only a test of my fidelity? Love is a more stable feeling and if you feel comfortable and happy before this phone call then this person is trouble and you should keep away.
Some times this impacting feeling that you felt is not what we think it is. It is only a flashback from the past but let it pass some time. you best decision for now is no decision let time decide.
2007-02-22 16:50:53 · answer #5 · answered by SUAVE38 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, a friend is that one that tells you how happy he is for you and your new family not someone that is just going to play with your mind and tell you that he knows your better off with him. Secondly, when you love someone you, of course, become very comfortable and are yourself around him. You should know after a year if you are happy and madly in love with your hunsband. Besides you should not let anybody tell you what you feel or whats better for you. Be strong and dont let people influence you so they can get what they want out of you
2007-02-22 16:50:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well when its love, in my opinion you see an imperfect person perfect. Could you live without your husband? And who's to say that the grass is greener with this other guy. He's probably telling you that you married your husband for comfort so you will be with him.
2007-02-22 16:53:54 · answer #7 · answered by sassygirliegirl27 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, way to let some other guy mess with your head and question your marriage.
Keep this guy away from you.
This is how this goes. This conversation will escalate to, You know you don't really love him and I'll bet I can make you feel better (in bed of course).
This guy is sorry he lost the race and seems to be trying hard to get in your pants.
How would he know that you are not in love and just comfortable.
Keep him away from you and go kiss your husband.
2007-02-22 16:56:23 · answer #8 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All I can say is that I love my wife very much and am very comfortable with her. She is my best friend and that counts for a lot. If you are comfortable and feel like you would lost with out him you should stay. Good luck and I hope this helps.
2007-02-22 17:25:51 · answer #9 · answered by CJ5fan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
think long and hard because it sounds to me like that guy is a looser and don`t want you to be happy he would rather you struggle and be unhappy and regret you every got married or be comfortable in your marriage where the love grows stronger every day
2007-02-22 17:38:27 · answer #10 · answered by MRS.K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋