If your teenager told you to shut up, what would you do?

Answer 1

My 12 year old told me that this morning. He though I couldn't hear. I smacked his mouth.

Answer 2

I have a teenager (14 year old daughter), and the trick is twofold: First to have your child so grounded in good manners and courtesy that the thought of telling you to shut up never arises, and second to defuse the situation before the temptation to get mouthy ever arises.

I do not tell my daughter to shut up and I do not allow anyone else to tell her to shut up. We consider that phrase both rude and useless. It's useless because it doesn't deal with whatever the problem really is.

We have a rule that when we are having a discussion, nobody "steps on" anyone else when they are speaking. That means when someone has started to speak, everyone holds their peace until the speaker is finished. No interrupting. This forces everyone to at least put on a show of listening and paying attention. A teen-ager who knows that others will be quiet and let him/her have his/her say isn't likely to tell anyone to "shut up." My daughter knows that if we interrupt her, she can come back with "Mother, you're stepping on me, I wasn't finished," and I'll apologize and allow her to finish. She also knows she owes me the same courtesy.

We have very few heated discussions, because when things start to get heated, I call a cooling-off period on the situation. If the situation is emotionally loaded, I tell my daughter that I cannot give her an immediate answer, I need time to think about it. She knows this is not a stalling tactic, that I want to discuss the matter calmly and I need the time (or I know she needs the time).

My daughter knows that we think the phrase "shut up" is on par with swearing, which we do not allow. She has been taught this since she was learning to speak. Her father and I don't say it to her, to each other, or to anyone else. The result is that it is unthinkable for her to say it to us.

If my teenager told me to shut up, I would know that I missed the boat in parenting years ago when she was tiny, and I would feel ashamed. Kids learn what they see. A teen-ager who says "shut up" is reflecting the behavior of their parents and other people around them. Kids learn what they see demonstrated by example and had soak into their skins through everyday living. If they live with courtesy and good manners, are shown respect and an expectation that they behave with courtesy towards others, that's what they reflect in their behavior.

So if my teenager told me to shut up, I'd be ashamed that I'd set her such a poor example. JMO.

Answer 3

Grounding sounds about right. I think smacking shows them about as much disrespect as they just showed you but if you can live with that, all the power to you. Grounding however, gives them a nice long time to think about it.

Without knowing the full situation it is hard to make a judgement. My father was very respectful to me and I never once considered telling him to shut up. My mom, on the other hand, would rant and rave and pick at me until I couldn't help it. I would expect your teen to show you as much respect in addressing you as you show them, they are very conscious of this.

Answer 4

Think carefully about the situation, did they have any grounds for being annoyed with me (even though that is still disrespectful in any circumstances), are they under stress, is there something bothering them that you don't know about?
Or are they just being a typical moody teenager? If that is the case then sit down with them and talk about why they did it and work out a suitable punishment.

Answer 5

Don't ground or punish them right away...give them a chance to pull themselves together and possibly apologize. Teenagers tend to hold grudges and if you punish them first thing, they may be less tempted to apologize to you sincerely - they may just apologize to get out of their consequence.

Tell them firmly and in a strict tone that you will NOT tolerate that and if they try to do it again, you will have no choice but to lay down the rules and give them a punishment. Let them know that even if they are angry, there are better ways to handle the situation.

Answer 6

I am shocked at the amount of smack hers out there. Is that all their parents could think up? I pulled the car over at the grocery store five blocks away he was nice when he got home or take the bus to school instead of driving them. Good Luck, hands off, does not work.

Answer 7

I can't imagine my teenager saying that to me. I'd like to say I'd be reasonable and talk it through, discussing respect and reciprocity, but I think that since I'm human I might react to the hurt feelings. I can't say which is right. Sometimes kids need to know that other people will react to them and then learn to adjust their behaviors so they will get reactions they can deal with.

Answer 8

my 13 yr old has been telling me to shut up all the time lately. it really pisses me off. i have hit him (he only hits me back) i have taken things away. not let him out side. told him not to talk to me that way. and he says he dont care. and continues to tell me to shut up. i don't know what to do. im worried that he is only going to get worse as he gets older. i guess he will have to go live in a boys home. once he turns 18 and still treats me like this - im gone....... he will be on his own. i don't treat him that way. and by the way we have been in counseling for years and he was on medication. none of it woked. and of course its always the mothers fault. i guess im a terrible mom

Answer 9

I would restrict them from having certain priveledges (i.e. the computer, phone, t.v., car, etc.) to try to teach them that this kind of behavior is unacceptable. They need to learn respect, and taking away the things they enjoy forces them to think about what they did.

Answer 10

Smack her in the mouth.Right good and hard and knock the words back down her throat.And if dare she swing back at me I'ma fight her like grown woman and whip her tail like a grown woman.She wanna smart mouth me like she grown she gon take the consequences like she grown too.I brought her into this world and I'll take her OUT before I let her scare and intimidate me.I'm not gonna be scared of my own child and let her walk all over me, Never.