Ok I have been with hubby for 8 years and from the beginning his mom and sister were rude and ignorant to me. I was his first long term relationship and they were opposed to him growing up more than anything else. Fast forward several years later and after his 5th nervous breakdown his family decides to start being civil towards me to appease him. I am cordial with them but am not jumping thru hoops since I know it is superficial. He however expects me to accept their fake bs with open arms now that they want to play nice. I cannot stand them and feel that given all I have been thru in the relationship they should be chasing me, not vice versa. Now I have just had our 1st baby and he invites his mom to come stay here, I object and he curses me out and is mad that I dont want to be bothered with his fake family who actually disappeared when he first told them I was pregnant. I am tired and want to leave this mommas boy who is loyal to his family and not to his wife. Should I go?
2007-02-22 07:45:37 · 21 answers · asked by ChanelGirl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Go....to conselling first. You need to talk about your feelings in a safe environment, and a couples counsellor can provide that for you.
Your husband has failed the first and foremost rule of marriage - he "left his mother and his father, and " should be "cleaving unto" you!
When a couple gets married, they each LEAVE their families and form a new one. Yes, they are still part of their old families, but the bond of marriage - the love they CHOSE - should be the strongest in the world.
You and he both need counselling on how to deal with these issues. If he won't go, go without him. Get your head on straight, and if he won't make the effort of going, then you can decide whether to leave him.
2007-02-22 07:51:19 · answer #1 · answered by jbtascam 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say, but you're sounding like a spoiled little girl yourself. If they are faking nice, so be it; that is better than being mean for real. The least you can do is to fake nice also, in the interest of peace. Fake it 'til you make it -- if you can be nice to each other long enough, your negative feelings will eventually go away. While his mother visits, take advantage of her desire to help with her grandchild -- rare is the mother who can't use some time away alone, or some help with diaper changes and/or feedings. Stop looking at the negative and look on the bright side of possessing an active extended family.
2007-02-22 07:52:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have seen this same behavior in my wife's family towards a nephews wife. It didn't work there either. It's a shame, but inlaws can break a marriage before it even has a chance to get off the ground. Good luck with trying to mend things, but I don't see much success in a long term marriage here.
2007-02-22 08:18:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I think you and your husband would strongly benifit from marriage counceling. I think your husband needs to grow a backbone and stand up to his family and defend you, becase as your wife, you should come before his family. There has been more than 1 ocassion in my marriage where I've stood up to my family because of how my wife was treated by my mother, and my younger brother.
It's really helped, because things have gotten better between my wife and my mom and brother, and it's not fake. But it took alot of time and hard work to get to where we are today.
Also, it may bother you that you have to be nice to them, but it's the best thing you can do. Becuase if your nice to them, eventually they may see it and be more accepting of you.
2007-02-22 07:57:24 · answer #4 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell him how it really hurts you and that he is not respecting you as a person. Try not to end it yet this is trivial crap that can be dealt with. You don't want your new baby to come into a broken home already do you?
Tell him that if he cant respect you maybe he needs to go stay with his momma for awhile until he can make up his mind who he would rather have You or his Momma.
2007-02-22 07:51:22 · answer #5 · answered by harleychickfatboy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is hard to want to be with someone who has always put his family first. u have every right to say who comes to visit and who doesn't. why would u suddenly want a close relationship with people who have hurt u in the past. if he has had a fifth nervous breakdown he may have some mental problems, and may be immature due to his upbringing. may not be able to handle life and its problems. i would definitely want to have say in who comes to visit and who doesn't, and if i got yelled at because i did not feel comfortable around people who had not been kind to me in the past, i would not want to be in the marriage, but talk to him first, unless u think he will go off the deep end. u will just have to decide if your best with him or if u would do better without him. he needs to show more respect for his wife.
2007-02-22 11:42:46 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i do no longer know how that's the place you reside, yet right here in California a new child is meant to be 11 years previous to be left on my own for a unfold of minutes. parents have been prosecuted for leaving a 9 twelve months previous for numerous hours, yet my information is that the guy new child and his or her adulthood has something to do with issues. My daughter is approximately to instruct 8, and he or she could be afraid to be left on my own--even for about a minutes. it could be cruel to go away her, and that i does no longer do it.
2016-09-29 11:46:48 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you two sat down and talked about this?
While yes, his family is important, and always will be, they are not where his responsibilitys/loyalties should be. They should be with the family he, he and you have started.
sitting there and taking it won't solve the issue, nor will going on the offensive........you need to put it in terms they can relate to.
I would talk to each one of them, alone, be open and honest.
2007-02-22 08:12:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really depends on ho much this bothers you. If it's just the family, don't leave him. You have a child with him, but if it's more than just the family ( i mean if it's him too) then you might consider it. Jut try to figure out whats bugging you and talk about it with him first
2007-02-22 07:49:47 · answer #9 · answered by Maddy G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you should go and take your baby and divorce the mommy's boy i know how it is to have a meddling mother in law and a husband that was a mama's boy i believe in loving your parents but dam they need to let thier son's grow up and quit babying grown men id done been packed and gone if i were you do what you want but thats my advice
2007-02-22 08:08:02 · answer #10 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋